Tough times

So I think I really really underestimated this week and how hard it truly was going to be. I guess riding on that I was going to be pregnant by now probably meant that I hadn't dealt with it enough but I can't change that now and I am just glad my DH is so understanding and forgiving.

I put him through hell this week but I honestly had no idea who to deal with the emotions that I was feeling. I pushed the whole world away. I honestly felt like I was going to implode!

But having my friends baby arrive yesterday was the hard part I knew was coming. Seeing her little boy and hearing all about the birth. It really hit home! I hit rock bottom I think but I managed to pull myself up and I feel much stronger today.

It was a bad week all round, AF hormones and emotions, not pregnant, Clomid, my little girls Bday, the birth of my friends baby that was 1 week a head of me! I just lost it. I have never had to deal with that much emotion before and I have to say I probably handled it really bad, probably due to the influence of clomid.

DH and I stopped talking for a bit. Guess I honestly just didn't know how to handle it all. We cuddle last night and I guess he knew I was hurting but didn't know what to say or how to help. But the cuddles were enough. Having that warmth and love next to me was what I really needed. I guess I am lucky I have such a wonderful man. He may not know what to do but he definitely understands.

Well I still have tomorrow to go. But hopefully with my hormones settling after AFs departure and the clomid round finished, I will have a bit more of a level head!

Tomorrow will mark the final milestone from my first miscarriage. Perhaps now I can truly move on and be open and ready for a new baby to join our lives.