2weeks old

Yesterday our little man turned 2weeks! Time is really flying past!

We had a very rough few days. Starting Friday Tyler started throwing up and the screaming started. At first I thought it was just colic. But if he wasn't on the boob he was screaming.  I could see he was in pain. Nothing I did could settle him.  I thought it was gas so I kept trying to burp him, he would burp and burp but still no relief for him.  His burps were very liquid and I noticed his breath had a smell to it.  He kept throwing his head back and trying to arch, I couldn't put him down in his cot as he seemed in even more pain.

My mum came over to see if she could help. She didn't have any more success than I did.  In two nights I had only had 2 hours of broken sleep and even though my mum kept saying go sleep I just couldn't knowing my little man was in so much pain.  So I went for a walk instead. Whilst walking I was thinking about it all and it dawned on me he had reflux.  After my walk I did a google search and other than eating perfectly fine and constantly he showed all the other signs of reflux.

I asked the Sept mum's group if they could recommend anything. One of the girls suggested a stomach calm formula. Its a natural herb based thing and available at the chemist. My mum went and grabbed some for me and I used it yesterday afternoon.  OMG its fantastic.  I don't know if it will keep working but at the moment it is.  Tyler has been able to get some much needed rest. He isn't always in pain.  I gave him the initial 4 doses and now I only give it when I can see he is having problems.

I rang the midwife for some advice. Seriously people have such a problem with saying its reflux.  I was born with it, my dad was too.  We are both chronic sufferers so its no surprise Tyler has it.  I have stopped taking my medication for it because they don't know the affect it can have on breast fed babies but I get it just from drinking water.  Everyone is saying cut this out of my diet and that, which I am going to try but if he is anything like me it wont make a difference.  I am hoping its a transition phase and will pass.  I am a little concerned about cutting so much out of my diet because I don't want him to build an intolerance because he hasn't had it.

But this other stuff is working for now so we will stick with this :)

I finally managed to update my blog :) I have more to add but that will come.  Its amazing when Tyler is settle he sleeps so well.  He has been asleep for nearly 3 hours now and is only just starting to stir.  In this time though I managed to do the washing, dishes, clean the floors, and do a general tidy up of the house.

Tyler has a big couple of days coming up. Friday he is getting circumcised. I know this is a very controversial topic but its a decision that each couple has to make for them selves.  DH and I from the very beginning had discussed and both agreed that if bubba was a boy we would be getting him done. Thursday we go in for the initial appointment and then on Friday at 8:15am is the procedure. I am a little nervous. The thought of him going through pain is hard but I have done my research and if the aesthetic cream is applied right and the following days kept clean etc the pain should be very minimal.

Well better run Tyler is waking up and its time for his bath :)

very contented!!

Its amazing how things change.  I was on bubhub this morning looking through my normal threads thinking hmmm i don't really belong in any of these any more. for 2 years i have spent so much time in there but now other than following a few girls ttc or pregnancy journey i am not ttc or pregnant! the realisation was a very weird feeling!

I am very contented though. even through the sleepless nights, the crying from being unsettled etc I am so happy.  this little man is my world!!

Tyler is doing OK, he is very windy all the time poor bugger.  He only seems bothered every now and again. he struggles on his back so i propped his bed up and he slept fine. I figured this out last night when i couldn't get him to settle, took him out to dh who was watching tv and he put him on his lap on a pillow and he settled straight away.  I then noticed the pillow had his head up higher.  seems to have worked for now.

I am recovering well.  Lost nearly 8kg now. 5 was in the first 4 days, birth stuff and fluid. its still good its starting to come off.  i went for a walk on the treadmill yesterday. i tried walking outside but Tyler woke up half way through and screamed all the way home. the only routine he is in at the moment is wanting to eat as soon as he wakes up!!  so at least in the treadmill i can jump off if he wakes.

all up i still have 20kg to loose.  i would like to loose another 10 before a wedding in Oct. we will see.

we are still combine feeding him.  I bf most of the time but he will only feed for 10mins and fall asleep! nothing i do wakes him. so i express which has bought back my milk supply.  Formula is a last resort if he refuses to settle 10-20mls and he is out like a light!

I am so happy right now :)

11days old

So our little man is 11days old now and time is absolutely flying past.  We have our ups and downs but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

We were doing OK with breast feeding but on Tuesday I think it was he decided he would throw it all up and continued to do this for 2 days.  Eventually on the Wednesday night at 9:30pm, I was trying to express as he wasn't attaching at this point and nothing came out :( I was in tears! I was exhausted as he hadn't been sleeping at all due to constantly throwing up. So DH ran out and got some formula.  Whilst he was out I managed to get Tyler on the boob and he fed and fell asleep. Unfortunately he was still sick the next day so that night I gave in and got him some formula.  He had 20mls and was out like a light for 3hours!

I am not sure if it was something I ate or if he simply isn't getting enough food.  I am expressing 100mls of breast milk every 2 hours and he guzzles it down.  Some times I will have to put him on the boob for more and to settle him other times I have to give him a little bit of fomula for him to become satisfied.  I was a little upset at the formula to start with but he body is accepting it and its helping settle him, so ultimately as long as the little man is happy than I am too.

He is a little spewy still, but I think that's normal.  He settles in his bed well which is good.  I am tired but really getting a good amount of sleep.  Once he has had enough food he sleeps for around 3 hours.  Some times it might take him over and hour to feed and settle but again I think I am pretty lucky.

well the little man is waking so I better go get him

Pictures

So since being home I have gotten the hang of breast feeding.  It is a bit of a process and Tyler can get a bit grumpy with me for taking so long some times but it does work and he attaches straight away. I use a little syringe suction device thing to draw the nipple out and it also causes a little milk to come out. I put that little bit of milk onto a nipple shield and put that over the nipple. Bang he is on, good suction and doesn't hurt.  In saying that though I think I might have a blocked duct on my right boob. It hurts a little bit when he attaches and I have noticed that when he feeds from the right boob he doesn't ever settle and always seems hungry afterward but as soon as I feed him from the left bang, milk coma! I just tried to really massage it under a hot shower so hopefully that helped. I might have to keep going with the right boob for a bit and give the left a break and just express from it.  Expressing doesn't put direct pressure on those ducts and it also means Tyler is still getting what he needs. It might help me massage some of those lumpy ducts as well!

So photo time!!

This is our gorgeous little man! As you can see he does A LOT of sleeping! lol I am sure this will come to an end though.  He is a very contented baby and settles really well, well other than after a feed on that left boob!

Co-sleeping, probably only for a few weeks before we put him in the bassinet but I like to be able to hear him close to me while I am learning the sounds he makes. 

Enjoying some play time although still way way way too early to have any idea what is going on lol

Chilling outside 

First bath

First car trip

First football game

first number 3 at only 4 days old!

First cuddles with daddy

First cuddles with mummy

First family photo

My going home outfit 

Hearing test

Mummy loving her cuddles

Introducing Tyler James

Its a Boy!!!!

Well he is here  Tyler James was born 12/09/11 10:03pm 53cm Long 34cm head circumference! and a full head of black hair!  

Its taken me a while to get here but we got home today and I have to say I am definitely glad to be home. The hospital was great and it was so good having the extra few days being a first time mum but yep glad to be home! 

So birth story while Tyler is asleep.

So on Monday I was going to be induced as my BP was up and there was protein in my urine!

I had a restless night sleep and my back was killing me but figured it was because I had done a full house clean as DH's mum was arriving Sunday night. Anyway not sure what time during the night but I woke up thinking OMG I am going to poop myself! I ran to the bathroom and sat for ages but nothing! Went back to bed. A short time later happened again! and then again! I didn't think much of it except that I was getting annoyed because I knew I had a big day the next day and didn't appreciate being woken up constantly!

About 4am it dawned on me that perhaps this was something more? It was then I noticed the next time it happened I could feel my entire tummy hardening. So I started timing. 8mins apart. wow! At 5am the alarm went off for us to start getting ready to head to the hospital. As I got up I felt some fluid as I sat down on the toilet I felt a massive gush! My first though OMG I just wet myself! At the same time thinking surely I have more control than that! It wasn't till I wiped that I saw there was a lot of blood streaked mucus and knew it was my waters. 

From then the contractions went down to 6mins apart and by the time we got to the hospital they were 3min50sec apart! I rang the hospital on the way to let them know my waters had broken but as I was coming in already it didn't make much difference. 

Got there, went into delivery suite Dr came to check on my 1cm dilated but cervix thin so yay things were starting. The contractions were handable at this point, DH even said "this isn't really what I was expecting, I thought you would be screaming" haha!!!! I told him to give it some time! 

I went to the bathroom after this internal and lost my mucus plug! OMG gross! haha I have never had so much mucus, I couldn't wipe it was so big huge and never ending! lol! 

So things progressed like this for a while, just tried to find a comfortable spot to breath through contractions, my waters kept leaking with the stronger contractions and going all over the floor, even though I had a pad on! 

Contractions stayed at around 4 mins apart and Dr checked me at lunch time 4cm yay getting there. This was when things started to decline. I got sick at this point, the vomitting started and I couldn't stop it. Every contraction I couldn't stop violent spewing. I kept trying to persist through but on the next internal at 3pm I was still only 4cm and my contractions had begin to slow down. 

Dr Said it was because I had become really dehydrated and weak and my body was doing what it needed to to cope which was slow contractions right down. He said I needed to try and keep my body going as labour was 12hours by this point and he doesn't like them going too long as bub can become distressed. He said I needed an IV drip of fluids and a dip to help ramp up contractions again. He also suggested an epidural at this point to try and help my body cope. I had tried the gas and I was really sensitive to it made me even sicker and I was worried pethadine would do the same. So I went with the epidural. OMG best decision I ever made!!!! 

I had another few hours of feeling contractions but much less pain. I lost most feeling in my left leg but not my right so I was happy I could still feel what was going on. 

At around 8pm I was 8cm dilated but the pain had started to come back. by 9pm the pain was in full force again and so was the vomiting but I was ready to push. After an hour of pushing, bub still wasn't progessing past the u-bend in the birth canal, my temp had gone up, there was blood in my urine and bubs HR was getting too fast and Dr said we had to get bub out! 

So we went with the vacuume. 4 contractions and bub was here. Thanks to the Epi-no which I can't recommend highly enough I had no tearing just slight grazes and once bubs head crowned my body actually pushed the rest out on its own as thats what it used to do with the balloon. 

The epi-dural wore off quickly which was great and Tyler attached well and fed for around 3 hours! Unfortunately he still seemed so hungry and it was because I wasn't really producing anything because I was so dehydrated after the birth. 

So we gave him some formula he fell off to sleep and I followed. 

Its been a wonderful few days, I have recovered well, Tyler mostly sleeps, although has a bit of a nocturnal schedule and I think thats probably because he was born at 10pm. He wakes from 10pm-5am every night for constant feeding and just to be awake. I don't mind though I do love his cuddles. 

I am currently having trouble breast feeding, I have flat nipples and Tyler just can't attach so I am express feeding at the moment and its good because we can relax during the feeds and everyone is much happier. Now that I am home I do want to give BF another go, I have gotten some nipple shields and another thing to help draw the nipple out. It might be a slow process but I am happy expressing at this point. Tyler had managed to put on weight before we left so he is definitely getting enough.  

I am so in love with him and can't explain this feeling. It truly is amazing.I will post a picture when I get a chance just wanted to get this out while I had time! 

After two years I finally have my little miracle and he is definitely just that!

EDD

So here we are EDD! :) yay! bubby made it!

Last night I did a urine dipstick test and unfortunately the protein in my urine has gone up a bit.  It went up to the next green colour! my BP was also up a bit this morning to 140/88 not quite the 140/90 the Dr mentioned but getting close.  I am thinking this will change tomorrow's agenda from seeing if I progress on my own to getting bub out. I don't want to force things but pre-eclampsia scares the crap out of me and I just want my baby to be safe!

I just retested my BP and it had dropped slightly to 135/85 but protein was still up! I emailed Dr A to give him the heads up, I am figuring as I go in tomorrow morning at 7am everything should be OK, but I still wanted to check, pre-eclampsia isn't something to take lightly.

Bub is still moving but of course a lot less than normal and this is always scary too.  I know its simply because it has no room but its such a change from the movements from a couple of weeks ago.

I am doing a final clean of the house today, it shouldn't take long as I did a big clean on Wednesday.

MIL should arrive tonight at about 9pm.  She is staying for at least a week I think which is OK. I spend 4 days in hospital and I have asked that my first night home just be with DH, bub and myself.  There is other family here she can stay with that night or she can stay at my mums which is less than 5 mins drive away.

I am nervous about tomorrow.  I have no idea what to expect. I am worried about being induced and how fast that may push my into labour. I have heard the contractions come on a lot faster and stronger when you are induced. I am also worried that it may end up in a csection. At the same time I know it needs to be done and the safety of my baby is the most important thing here. So what ever is needed I will do it.

I have to spend the first part of the day on my own.  I am a little nervous about this too.  DH has to finish off a job which will probably take around 4 hours.  I am not expecting to progress fast or anything but it still scares me to be on my own. It also worries me that perhaps I will progress quickly and what if he doesn't make it back.  It will probably take him an hour to get from the job, drop of his work truck and trailer off and pick up my car and get to the hospital.

Crossing my fingers that it all works out! :)

39+6

So had the Dr try another sweep yesterday! unfortunately not much happening! Barely dilated! YAY lucky me.  So I go into Monday's induction with an unfavorable cervix.  I am thinking not much at all is going to happen and the Dr will probably send me home! YAY.  Oh well not much I can do about it. Everyone keeps telling me that it can happen quickly for some women and they don't dilate at all before they go into labour. I am sure that is true but I don't see it happening for me.

So probable outcome at the moment, try the gel Monday morning, Dr will probably apply it a few times throughout the day, I probably wont progress much and be sent home that afternoon.  I will then probably head back up on Friday and give it another try, I could try for earlier like Thursday but I don't see the point, if my body doesn't want to work then I can't force it. As long as my BP stays where it is things should be fine. Friday though we will push into full on induction as its Dr A's last day before his family head on a holiday to Fiji!

Headache is bad again today, still sick in the stomach.  Less than a week to go now so might just have to spend a lot of that time in bed! I would get some movies out but there isn't anything I feel like watching. I have a few books to read so I will start on those but I have to keep them for the induction days because they are going to be very long days sitting around a hospital with nothing to do!

At least my mum will get her wish! She really didn't want bub to be born tomorrow so at least thats a plus for her!

39+5

So feeling a little better today! I seriously have no idea how some women go through this roller coaster of emotions every month.  Its insane!

I have managed to contact the Dr and ask for another sweep.  I am trying to get through to make an appointment but it will probably be late this afternoon some time.  Another girl I met on Bubhub she has the same Dr she was due the day after me.  She had a sweep done on Wednesday and 1:45am on Thursday morning her little girl was born.  I know it might not work at all but its worth a shot right.  At least it will also give me an idea on where I actually stand and whether I have progressed or not.  This not knowing is the worst part I think I think its what adds to the crazies.

Well will update later after my appointment.  Cross you fingers for me I would really like to get peanut out naturally before Monday!

grouchy

oh yeah definitely over these pregnancy hormones my body can't make up its mind at all.  I have woken up in the grouchiest mood.  I am pissed off at everything! I am so angry at my body right now! stupid piece of crap why can't it do what its supposed to!

Its now official everyone I know even due after me has had there baby.  If course I am so happy for them :) its wonderful their bodies can work.  Just not sure why mine can't.  Bub has been engaged now for 2 whole weeks yet I am still waiting. I have had no other signs at all of going into labour. Because bub has been engaged for so long there has been hope for so long it would come out. But nope! Early engagement means zip!

Last night although I was in an excellent mood, didn't get my pepperoni pizza the pizza place stuffed up. So I brushed it off thinking its OK wasn't meant to be. But now this morning I am angry.

I did over do it yesterday and I am paying for it now. I could hardly move at all last night the pain was so bad, every time I moved I felt like I was ripping in half.  Despite only 3 trips to the bathroom I slept like crap! I have the worst back pain and period like pain, but that's making me angry too because I know its nothing.

it has been 2 years to get to this point and I just want to hold my baby now.  All I dream about all night every night is holding bubby in my arms.  Every thing I think about is simply going into labour. Yet there is nothing I can do to make this happen.

Although I know I am going to have another unwell day today, after my excellent mood and feeling so good yesterday I now feel guilty about bring my induction date forward.  I feel like I am cheating, yes I have high BP but not high enough to cause alarm. Yes I am sick but I have good days and bad ones and I should just suck it up.  I can't win, I want this baby here yet I want to force myself to wait! FFS!

I seriously just have to try to get through the day without ripping someones head off! Lucky DH started work early this morning.  I never said anything to him because he wouldn't understand. I am not upset at the other girls having their little ones I am upset at myself! Dr's shouldn't be allow to tell you anything at all! If I was here at this stage and bub wasn't engaged I would be like OK fine still some time to go!

The blood I saw two weeks ago was from the attempted S&S. So I haven't lost any plug or had a bloody show, no fake labour only BH when I push myself too hard. All in all most days I don't even feel pregnant let alone ready to pop and I certainly don't feel like I am any closer to going into labour!

I really wish I had asked Dr A to do an internal on Monday and check to see if I was dilated and attempt another S&S. At least I would know where I stand.  Right now I have no idea.  As far as I am aware I still haven't even dilated. But surely in 2 weeks something has happened???

On top of this I know I should just get over it.  I am so close to having my baby, yet I still know girls trying so hard to even get pregnant.  Ultimately I am being a complete and ungrateful bitch right now but I can't help myself! AGH! I am usually so good, keep my head in check, keep myself grounded, but nope today I can't, these hormones are beyond my control.  I thought I was doing well, no pregnancy crazies for me. Well I just found them.  And after 9 months of being so good and so happy and so grounded I am exploding.  I just want to scream.  If I could lie on my stomach I would and I would kick my arms and legs in the air and scream like a 2 year old!

Grouchy grouchy grouchy!

Did someone slip me some Crack??

OK these pregnancy hormones seriously have some answering to do!

So after feeling sick earlier I didn't even make the shower I went to the bed and fell straight to sleep. I woke up 2 hours later feeling a million dollars.  I apparently really needed that sleep.  Anyway after that I decided it was time to get out and go for a walk so I did. Whilst walking I thought wow I feel like I could run a marathon. I was in so much pain, back pain, period type pain, BH, hip pain you name it I had it but I didn't care I kept pushing! I was walking really fast and it felt so good!

Not sure how long this feeling will last but if I could go into labour tonight that would be good I feel so pumped up like I could handle anything right now!!!

Since I woke up I have been craving pepperoni pizza! I haven't eaten it since high school but wow I really want some! So I think I am going to splurge and have some yum yum!!!  Might hurt coming back up but the way I feel I don't think I will be throwing up!

I just can't get over how different I feel! Amazing!!

WTF is wrong with me

Seriously WTF. So I figured out if I don't eat I don't throw up, I feel sick all the time but it saves the process of actually throwing up.  Haven't really felt like food anyway so didn't really matter.   I have a smoothie for breakfast and because its only really light I feel sick for a little bit but I can move on without throwing up.

Anyway I just managed to clean the house at warp speed. Everything is now clean. I seriously went 200% crazy! But afterward I was starving so I thought hmmm should eat.  So I did. Big mistake. Now I am going to throw up again.

:( I am going to go throw up, have a shower and go lie down. oh Monday please hurry up!

Induction

So turns out I am still sick today the big sleep didn't help, bad migraine and vomiting, and due to this my BP is sitting a bit higher again! Not in the alarm range but high.

So I emailed Dr A as I am just not coping and wanted his honest opinion on induction.

He was really good about it. explained all the risks and things and for me having hypertension this increases my risk of developing pre-eclampsia after bub is past its due date and said it is probably worth while trying to get things moving.  This in mind DH and I have decided to bring my induction forward to Monday. Dr said he will assess me on the day and see how I have progressed on my own.  This will of course affect things but once the gel is applied we wait.  If I don't progress on my own that day with no other drugs we wont force it and we will cancel things and post pone till later in the week.

I am really happy with this decision, I would love to think peanut will come on its own before then but I honestly don't think it will.  Being past my EDD I shouldn't have any problems progressing on my own.  Dr said he has done this before and the woman will normally go into labour on her own in the days following as the gel gets things moving along.

I am definitely relieved at this. :) Its not the natural way I was hoping for but being this sick can't be good for the baby either. That and the increased risks of pre-eclampsia aren't worth it.

So hopefully by Tuesday next week I am holding peanut in my arms :) Very exciting!

39+2

Well I had a big sleep last night, still had my 7 or so trips to the bathroom but I didn't get up till 9 am so feeling a little better.  Am I in a better frame of mind? hmm I don't know. Trying to just ignore it all to be honest and let time tick on past. 10days to go!  I still absolutely love feeling peanut move inside of me and I am definitely going to miss it, although sometimes I wonder it being so big and strong if it will break something lol. But other than that oh yeah so over it. Never thought I would say that.

Some belly pics, hopefully the last.  There hasn't been much change at all hence why I haven't taken one. But it is still good to see what size I was in the last week or so, so that I can compare it to subsequent pregnancies :)  Bubs runs down the middle/right hand side, its bub sitting about 5cm above my belly button just ever so slightly to the right.

39+1

So had my 39week OB appointment this morning, was good and bad. BP is still a little high but seems stable and nothing to cause great alarm at this point.  No more protein in my urine so hopefully it holds out.

Dr said there was no real point to a S&S as the last one did nothing.  He did offer me an early induction if I wanted one. I said no.  I don't think its worth the extra risk to bub just because I am sick. Suck it up princess as they say! So we book next Friday the 16th as the induction day and I will be 40+5.  I am really hoping bub comes before then but as I am showing no signs what so ever I highly doubt it!

I am a little deflated by this, but I am trying to remind myself its only 11days in total.  11 days is nothing. Perhaps if I could stop throwing up I would feel better about it but at this point I am just trying to keep my head down and focus on next Friday as D day.

I just did hopefully my last weekly grocery shop. my god that was hard. I am so exhausted and of course sick and trying not to throw up the whole time. Then I kept getting that stitch feeling so walking was hard, then peanut decided it was time to bring out the knife again! No wonder I am not venturing out of the house much!

So my count down now will be for induction day not EDD.

11days to go! I can do this! well lol I have to do this I have no other choice!

39weeks

So I am very excited that we only have 1 week left until EDD. Or 12days in total if this little one has to be forcefully evicted! Problem is I am so sick.  I felt off as soon as I woke up this morning and I should have listened to myself.  Went around to my mums as she was cooking breakfast. I ate that the whole time thinking hmm I just don't feel right.  Yep within 10mins of eating breakfast it started coming back up again and I haven't stopped throwing up since. Nothing left now so just bile or water yukkies. I have also had diarrhea for 2 days :( overall just feel so sick! I want to think its a good sign all pointing toward my body cleaning itself out for labour but I know better! I thought maybe something I ate but doesn't seem that way. Perhaps just the changing hormones in my body.

I also have strong period type pain and back pain this morning again all could be something positive but I very very much doubt it!

So for the 2nd day in a row I am going to have to go back to bed! So much for my fathers day plans for DH. Lucky he just is happy to just have a time out day too. 

Dr appointment at 9:40am tomorrow morning. Hopefully some good news! 

9 Days

:( its going to be another tough one today :( I keep just trying to think 9 days to go but yep getting harder.

I have a killer headache again today, already on the verge of throwing up :( I think I am just going to have to go back to bed!

My BP has been great yesterday and so far today. Sitting really low actually, around the 120/70 yesterday.  I was hoping it was a good sign as I know your BP can drop before you go into labour. no such luck lol still pregnant today!

well off to throw up and go back to bed :(