Tyler update - Photo time

So I have been going through all my Tyler photos and I can't believe how big he is getting.  These first two photos were taken when he was 1 day old. So tiny!

In comparison this photo below you can see how much bigger he is. 

This is him in Bumbo yesterday after a nap. Love the bed hair! I think he is due for a hair cut soon. 

This was him grabbing his toy for the first time. He proceeded to stick it in his mouth.  I still have to keep him upright for a bit after his reflux medication so he doesn't throw it all up!

The following photos are from play time this morning. He has well and truly found his fist and always has it in his mouth.  He has started chewing on it.

He is actually batting at my phone here. 

Lots of giggles and smiles although very hard to catch on camera!

This is his version of thumb umm not actually sucking. He just sticks it in! no sucking which is good! Very cute though.

What a day!!

All I can say is WOW! I had a feeling that my milk wasn't enough for Tyler but as he refused to take a bottle there wasn't much else I could do.  He never sleeps more than 20mins during the day and this has been happening for AGES! The last three days he was feeding every 1/2-1 hour, unsettled and grumbly! My boobs started to get really sore from constantly being fed on. Anyway today I bought him a new formula. He drank a full 120mls played for about 30mins and has now been asleep for nearly 2 hours!!! WOW! In saying that though his night routine is getting even better. he has done a few 5 hour stretches now! YAY very exciting.

I am so glad he can take the bottle again, I thought it might have been something to do with him not liking the flavour of the other one or it had gone off.  Stupidly I kept it on top of the microwave not even thinking hmmm the heat might affect it! I am so relieved he is sleeping soundly now, I don't care if I can't fully breast feed him I just want him to be happy and healthy. In saying that I weighed him yesterday. he came in at 6.46kg!!!

Other than that this morning he started batting at his toys on his floor gym and actually grabbed onto one! Couldn't believe it.  After his bottle I was playing with him with this yellow dog thing I got him and he reached out and tried to grab it. such a good little boy! I thought maybe it was a one off and he would take some time to do it more but nope he has been doing it ALL day.

Yesterday afternoon I lost my marbles! I have been trying to be really good with this getting back into exercise thing! well DH got home late from work yesterday which was fine, but I couldn't go for a ride so I was just going to go for a run. Problem was I couldn't find my iPod ANYWHERE! I was so angry and frustrated and upset. especially seeing as Tyler had been feeding every 1/2 hour or so, so I had been sitting on my butt in a chair all day! I just felt fat and horrible and I just wanted to do a workout and was annoyed that it had to be so hard!

Turns out my iPod is at my mums YAY and DH should be home from work about 4:30 which gives me heaps of time to go for a ride before Tyler's bath and bed time.

I pulled out my skinny jeans yesterday! hmmm! size 11. but this is my aim.  Yes we aren't preventing but I am going to focus on my exercise and weight loss for now.

Something else I thought about the other day too, I noticed when I had been TTC for so long that I had a bit of a pattern in terms of my emotions.  Around when I ovulate my mind goes crazy in terms of all I can think about is being pregnant and having a baby.  Well I was thinking back trying to think of when I saw that fertile CM and I remember I was crazy thinking about being pregnant again. its ALL I could think about.  I blogged about it so I will have to go back and have a look.  I am not thinking I am pregnant at all but curious to know if I did or didn't in fact ovulate when I thought I did.

Also I finally got around to putting all my photos into frames the other day and putting them up.  We finally have photos of Tyler up on the walls and on the book shelf. Also lots of new family photos too which is nice.

Well this has taken me all day to write and seeing as its nearly 4pm I should start to get ready to go for my ride. Oh yeah and I set the pram onto big bubba settings so Tyler can sit in it.  He is far too nosy to be lying on his back and I want to start going for walks at 4:30-5am when he wakes up.  Its nice and cool and the sun will be low so I wont have to worry about covering him up and he can look around at everything and be as nosy as he wants! :)

Returning to Exercise

OMG seriously you take for granted when you exercise regularly how easy it can be because when you have had a break and return wow its HARD!!

I went for my first ride yesterday as I mentioned I was going to.  It was so hard. I couldn't believe it.  Granted it had been over two years since I have ridden so I need to rebuild all those cycling muscles but I never expected it to honestly be the that hard.

So I only lasted about 30 mins. I will go again today though if DH makes it home from work in time.

My September mums group have started a weight loss group too which is fantastic. Definitely helps get me motivated.  Monday mornings are our weigh ins so it keeps us all a bit more honest!

At the moment I am organising two baby showers! Both due within one week of each other.  First is my sisters on the 14th Jan.  She will be 32weeks at this point and we have to have it then because she lives in Darwin and needs to fly back.  She isn't finding out the sex so its a gender neutral shower.  The other is a really good friend of mine she had her first little boy in June 10 and was due 1 week before my little angel.  She didn't have a shower the first time round for many different reasons so this time I insisted she let us spoil her! I am not sure when she wants hers yet but I am thinking in Feb some time. She is having a little girl so hers will be pretty in pink themed. Thing is when you have a little one it really is hard to find the time to organise these things and I like being super duper organised and it frustrates me when I can't be.  Looking forward to them both though.

Poor Tyler is struggling with the heat at the moment.  I love the heat but little Tyler takes after his dad. He is such a hot hot baby and boils up so easily.  He is asleep now under the air con and has been for a while which is good he needed a good nap.

Took him to meet Santa this morning.  I woke him up to get the pic taken so he is a little starry eyed. Still cute though!

Well he is asleep on his tummy so I am going to go sit down next to him so I can be sure he is breathing.

Santa's little helper :)

I can do it

Well I finally got around to getting my bikes in working order now I just have to get out there for a ride.  I am not the most confident rider, well I am but I hate riding on the road with cars.  Its them I don't trust and around here riding on the road is all I can do.  Most of them aren't busy roads so that does help but I just need to find a circuit that is long enough and I am happy with.  I would love to fit into my old workout gear though, I just wear pants and a shirt at the moment and OMG its way too hot for that.  But have to start somewhere right!

I am just waiting for DH to come inside from getting his stuff ready for work for the week and I can go.  I hope Tyler stays settled for him while I am gone.  It makes me feel so guilty when he starts screaming up a storm as soon as I leave and keeps going until I get back! He has just been fed so he should be OK.

So I took my temp again this morning just to see.  I was nearly the right time and I had 5 hours continuous sleep before hand and it was 36.64. So to me if I wasn't breast feeding I would say I have definitely ovulated. I tried to Dr Google to see if I could find any information at all that might suggest breast feeding alters your Basal temp but I couldn't find anything :( I guess we will find out in about 10 days or so.  Although there is more issues falling pregnant when breastfeeding other than just ovulating.  Apparently prolactin can cause issues with implantation as well so even if we did catch the egg it may not implant anyway.

Well better finish getting ready for this ride and actually go do it.  Going to use my road bike today so it should be a little easier than my hybrid.

Finally though this is a video of Tyler having some fun Jolly Jumper time! If its side ways I apologies you can still see him having some fun though.  He is 10weeks6days!

Very Interesting

So back when I was TTC I did A LOT of temp charting! I also did some experiments on how taking my temp at different times of the day affected it and nothing ever changed.  Pre ovulation I always sat below 36.3 and post my give away temp was 36.68!!

So anyway randomly I decided to take my temp 4 days ago and it was 36.25.  Over the following days I had some watery/EW CM didn't think much of it.  I randomly took my temp this morning and it was 36.67. Very interesting.  Now I could be completely wrong and off base here but maybe just maybe I ovulated. Of course that definitely doesn't mean we will be pregnant, we did DTD the day I started to noticed the CM but u have 25% chance of falling pregnant every cycle anyway. Its just good to know that I might actually be ovulating.

I could also be wrong about the temps too because I am breast feeding. That might mix things up a bit.

Well open house in a few hours and lots of cleaning to do!

Another week ticks on past

Another uneventful week really, I have lost another kilo, only through healthy eating as I still haven't had a chance to get out and do any exercise.

Tyler has had a good week.  He is back into having a witching hour everyday but I think he has been sick the last couple of days. To me he feels like he is really hot, his forehead is always burning up yet the thermometer only reads .2 degrees up from his normal temp. He hasn't looked well either and sleeps ALL the time and screams when he is awake.  I resorted to Panadol today to see if that can help kick what he has.  Probably doesn't help with this heat and going in and out of air con all the time. Poor little bugger I really do hate seeing him in so much pain.  He is fast asleep now which is good. He needs the sleep.

He has gotten into a good sleeping routine. 2 x 4 hour blocks. so he normally goes down about 7:30 and wakes at 11:30, we are up for about 20mins and he is down again until around 3:30.  After the 3:30 wake up he struggles a bit to go back to sleep, I was getting up with him and just spending some play time with him and he would nap again mid morning for a few hours, but now I take him into bed and he sleeps next to me, he wakes at about 5am for another quick feed and sleeps through until 6:30/7.  I didn't really want to get into a routine of him sleeping in bed with us but hey I don't mind and I get a few extra hours sleep.  I was worried about the whole sids thing but we have a good set up where neither of us move even when sleeping and there is nothing that can get in the way of him breathing. So I am not worried about anything like that anymore.  He is also a lot bigger now and can definitely kick or scream up a storm if needed.

He has definitely grown some more, I was going to weigh him when I took him down to get some Santa photos today but we didn't end up getting there.  We are taking him on Monday so it will be very interesting to see how much he has grown.

Only 1 month until Christmas.  I am going to put the tree up this weekend if I can find the time! YAY! I thought seeing as we have open houses every weekend that I should at least wait until the 1st! Only 3 more open houses to go thank goodness! They are definitely a lot of work with a little baby!  We haven't had that much interest so I am not sure it will sell but we will see I guess.

Well going to go enjoy the rest of my Friday night by getting some good sleep :)

Night

Torn

So Tyler will be 3 months old soon and I can't believe how fast time is flying by! He has started rolling over already, he started trying to reach for his toys on the floor gym. He holds really long conversations with me now.  he actually responds and continues talking in Tyler language!  It all happens so fast.

So where does the torn bit come in.  I will be starting him on Solids in a month as per Drs recommendation with his reflux, so I am considering dropping down the breastfeeding. I will bf whilst out and at night because it is easier but I am thinking of supplementing every 2nd feed with formula.  This of course will possibly return my cycle and in doing so we may get pregnant. Which is fine, but there are so many things running through my head right now.

First off all I can think about is number 2 and being pregnant again whilst at the same time hating my weight! I will definitely be eating better next pregnancy, seeing as I don't have work and I am at home more I will ensure only good food is in the house and then I can't snack on crap. I can keep exercising seeing as 12hours a day wont be taken up with work or travel.

OK this might be easier using bullet points.

- I really want number 2 and really can't wait to be pregnant again.
- weight loss will have to go on hold/do I want to post pone the weight loss?
- can we afford it right now with trying to sell the house and moving etc? although even if I do fall pregnant it still at least 9 months off it being here.
- DH is really stressed in his business: would bringing another baby in now be a good idea?
- work: the sooner we have another baby the sooner I will be able to return to work when the bubs get a bit older!
- will having two so close together be really hard or will it make it easier? Especially if the 2nd is a difficult baby?
- Is my body up for another pregnancy so fast?
- will Tyler loose out having a brother or sister born so close?

In thinking about all of this though nature will probably decide for us anyway. My body will probably be one of those that doesn't ovulate at all until I completely stop bf.  Thing is I really want no2 but at the same time there are other things affecting it.   How important are those things though.

Although not TTC the fact that we aren't preventing means I have to think like I possibly could be.  Having spina bifida occulta means I have to take folate supplements. although is a pregnancy one sufficient till I find out.  What if I was 12weeks before I found out then its too late all the important neural stuff is already formed.

wow I bet none of this even makes any sense!

Frustration

Well yesterday started a very bad mind set :( On the weekend we had some family photos taken for my grandma.  Well yesterday I got those photos back and although I knew I had put on weight until you see yourself next to someone you don't realise how much you have actually put on!

I couldn't believe it.  Frustrating part is I lost the initial 10kg after the birth but I haven't lost any more since.  I am eating a lot less, exercising and simply just doing more because I am always doing something.  On top of that I am breast feeding yet for some reason I am still not loosing any weight! I feel like I have lost some because I am able to fit into some clothes I couldn't a couple of weeks ago but its not as much as I expected I would be!

I have thought about joining weight watchers but seeing as we aren't preventing you can't do weight watchers while pregnant and if I fall pregnant it would be a completely waste of money!

agh I am just so frustrated by it.  Normally I would change my diet and cut out carbs after a certain time but breast feeding I have to make sure I am getting the right nutrients for Tyler.  I would also increase my exercise but its still really hard work and I am extremely unfit and my muscles get tired A LOT faster these days. Carrying the extra weight my body really isn't used to doesn't help either.  I have been trying to go for jogs but my knees and calves are feeling it.  Walking is using the same muscles as running so that is hurting too.  Not getting good REM sleep means my body doesn't have time to repair itself like it used to! My pubic symphysis still hurts which is just down right annoying! Go away already!

I need to get my bike out so I can jog one day ride the next.  I need to keep up with the exercise or the weight will never come off.  When I was my lightest I was exercising 6 days a week and had a very strict diet.  Even then I still could have lost another 5kg. If my arse wasn't so huge I would consider going to the local pool too and doing some laps.  Home pools just aren't long enough to get good exercise out of it.  I used to do water running too that was awesome but its in a heated pool so probably not the best in case I do fall pregnant.

I know that I am only just getting back into things and when I haven't exercised for a while my body will always put on muscle weight before I even get close to loosing some kg, problem is even though I know this it doesn't help me mentally cope with the extra weight!

I simply just need to focus.  There is nothing I can do about the weight gain now except work on loosing it.  It wont be as easy now as I have Tyler to look after so it can't be my main focus but I do need to make it one of my priorities.

I was on my walk yesterday thinking I really don't want to be one of those mums that has put on so much weight she can't get out and be active with the kids.  I want our family to be really active.  I was always active as a kid and I don't want that to change.  I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines watching while my kids do everything I want to be in there enjoying it too.

I am going to try and put more focus into not gaining so much in the next pregnancy. Well really I didn't gain that much during the pregnancy it was all the emotional eating I did during the two miscarriages and the lack of exercises out of fear of loosing a bub that did all the damage!

so that's it finished whinging about my weight for now!

This is one of the family photos of the 3 of us taken on the weekend. It can kinda be my before shot! Its a nice family photo but horrid of me!

This is me at the weight I would like to get to.

17th November

It looks like we have gotten Tyler's medication under control again. he is again much happier this morning. He cried for a bit but once the medication set in he was all good. He is supposed to be napping now but fighting it. He wants to fall asleep on me but I wont let him! no way we are getting into that habit! He is yawning his head off so its only a matter of time!

So yesterday he rolled over for the first time. It will take a bit longer before he actually masters it but he is getting there.  We have 2 chatty times of day, first one around 5am and the second around 4pm.  he just loves to talk to you. he coos and giggles and responds to you.  He is getting lots more tummy time every day and spends a little bit more time in his bumbo. He is absolutely loving his jolly jumper.  He is still too young for it but he jumps a little in it and steps and moves all around.  I don't keep him in there more than 5 mins because he is that little bit too young but when he is smiling I can't exactly take him out.

Finally asleep after hours of screaming in pain! One of the rare times I let him fall fully asleep on me! 

my peaceful little munch kin, look at those tubby cheeks!

napping after a swim yesterday! 

Morning play time.  We put toys his hands so he can practice holding them and feel different textures and things.  He has now started trying to put them in his mouth!

my napping little munch kin.  I still can't believe how big he is getting. 

Negative

So I tested this morning and it came back negative! I was surprised to feel relief! I am excited to fall pregnant and i hope it happens soon, the thing that was stressing me out was if I was pregnant i would have already been 6 weeks or something and seeing as Tyler is only 9 weeks that was too crazy!!! Happy Plodding along where I am right now, i have just got back into my running well when I can and i would like to keep at it for a bit. I want tO loose another 10kg before I fall Pregnant, I mean if I haven't and I do then so be it be I just wasn't ready to be that far along. Tyler has had a few Very bad days. New batch of losec and I knew it wasn't wOrking Tyler had been screaming uP a storm since i had started it. I rang the pharmacy they said 5 other bottles made the same day no other complaints. Well when i was shaking the bottle yesterday afternoon I noticed a heap of stuff stuck to the bottom. This of course would have to be the drug. So I shook the bottle for over 20mins but I did get it all Off. Anyway an hour after I gave it to him he settled and has been great ever since! We grocery shopping, for a swim and now he is napping peacefully! Thank goodness! I really hate seeing him in the much pain. It really makes me feel so useless that I can't help especially when i know what it is! I am off to the dr in the morning. My left nipple isn't getting any better, still feels like it's being sliced with a razor when he first attaches. I am ok with it just need to make sure it's not thrush or other bacterial thing. I am not Prone to thrush I have only ever had it once down there and Tyler is showing no signs of it but u never know! Thinking I might start tracking my weight loss journey on here too until I fall pregnant! 25kg to go!!!

29

So yesterday I entered the last year of my 20's.  Was a pretty crap day all round.  Started with DH forgetting it! He did remember and I got a hug and wished a happy birthday and that was it.  He is paying for it now though cause he is in big trouble!!  Then poor Tyler screamed ALL day! He threw up his morning dose of Losec I think, either that or I thought the new batch wasn't working, so he was in pain all day.  After his afternoon dose at 3pm he settled and crashed out until 6pm, he woke enough to get a bath and a feed and crashed out again from 7:30-10:30 and then again from 10:45-2:30 finally waking at 4am for his morning poo ritual! That to me is GREAT sleep though :) especially seeing as I haven't given him his top up formula of an evening for a while now.

As for me not sure what is up :( been feeling really unwell of late.  I started getting really tired about 4 days ago, felt too tired to lift my own harms and legs. Picking Tyler up was a real struggle I just couldn't cope with his weight I am a bit better now but still struggle, he feels like he is about 50kg not 6!  I had been getting heaps of sleep so who knows.  Then I started feeling nauseous 2 days ago.  I have nearly spontaneously thrown up a few times.  I am getting really really hungry quickly even after a big meal and it doesn't take me long to start feeling really sick if I don't eat something. If I knew there was no way I could be pregnant I would think I was.  We have DTD 4 times since Tyler was born! Yep crazy hey lol!!! Twice at around 4/5 weeks once around 6 weeks and then again at about 8 weeks. The first two we used the pull out method, third a condom and 4th nothing.  But I definitely couldn't be feeling pregnant from the one just over a week ago, and the other three very unlikely to be pregnant from those.  We used the pull out method successfully for 2 years and I know its not that we couldn't fall pregnant because ever time we tried well when my tube wasn't blocked we fell pregnant straight away. I did have spotting on about the 3rd or 4th November, it was around the time we DTD so it could have been from that, I had some strong cramps in the days following, figured AF was on its way but never showed. I am still getting light cramps pretty much every day but I figured its my body trying to figure itself out.

I have ordered some cheap hpt's of ebay and I am waiting for them to arrive. I will test but I am pretty much 100% sure I am not pregnant. Just annoying because after TTC for so long I knew exactly what my body was doing, now I have no idea.  I know I am not pregnant but have no idea why I am feeling this way! Maybe AF is finally on its way, I have been waiting for it to appear since I had that spotting and cramping 2 weeks ago.

Besides that I started Motilium at about 5 weeks and went off it about 4 days ago although I was only taking 2 a day if I remembered it for about a week! That increases your prolactin level and means there was even less chance that my body was even ovulating! I know I have definitely ovulated once I had all the signs and my body is normally pretty reliable, and it was around the time my milk supply pretty much vanished between the 4-5week mark, but as I said we pretty much had protect s3x.

Anyway enough babbling about that. Stupid brain still hasn't returned, apparently it never will!

I have my weekly mummies group this morning. One of the grandmas is an ex preschool teacher so she is going to start coming along and we are going to do sensory singing stuff?? All new to me my mum didn't even sing nursery rhymes to me. Looking forward to it though, I think Tyler will love it.

I had a look at a milestone chart the other day, Tyler is doing really well, he has ticked off all the 2 month ones already even the advanced ones and is starting to do some of the 3 month stuff.  I can't believe in 3 weeks he will be 12 weeks old!! CRAZY.  he isn't 3 months for another week after that!

2 Months

Well our little man was 2 months old yesterday! he will be 9 weeks tomorrow! I can't believe how fast time is travelling!

Not much happening really, my birthday tomorrow. Nothing exciting this year although its going to be one of the best now that I have my little man to celebrate it with.

Some comparison photos.

4 Days old! So tiny!

2 months (8weeks 6days)old! little budda

When you look at it like that its amazing to realise how small he was.  As you spend all the time with your bub you know they are growing and getting bigger but until you see a photo like this you just don't realise. 

These are from this mornings tummy time! I can't believe how strong he is starting to get. 

In this one he is looking up at me. He pushed himself up so high just so he could see me. Smart little bugger! 

Loving it! Have to love those smiles!

He is fascinated with my camera/phone.  Doesn't help that its ALWAYS in his face! haha definitely wont have DH's and my problem of hating photos being taken! I asked him this morning if he wanted an iPhone, he cooed back at me so I am taking it as a yes lol!

Tyler update

I am definitely getting good at this, day 3 and Tyler is asleep during witching hour!!! :)

So I had an appointment with the health nurse at the local hospital today. I didn't really feel I needed to go but I had booked it ages ago and when they rang me yesterday to remind me I figured I would just go!

Tyler is doing great, at 8weeks4days he is 5.80kg, 60cm long and 39cm head circ. So both his length and weight are in the 75th percentile and his head 25th. I did think he had a smaller head :)

She also said that I am doing great. She was pleased to hear that all the problems I had with breast feeding and Tyler's attachment and reflux extra that I am almost completely breastfeeding expect for a 60ml formula top up at night so I get a bigger stretch of sleep.  On formula he sleeps about 4 hours on breast milk only 2. I do have to get my butt to the Dr though, my left nipple is really painful when Tyler first attaches. It settles right down but OMG it hurts.

Tyler is getting very chatty now.  Loves to coo and giggle with you. His smiles are fantastic I will never ever get tired of those!

So he is 2 months tomorrow. Wow time is flying. Tomorrow also marks the day 2 years ago we found out our little girl pearl had died. Seems like a lifetime ago now, and although she will always be in my heart and never forgotten, I now believe that things happen for a reason and if we hadn't lost our two angels I wouldn't have my gorgeous little boy now.

First official open home tomorrow. Seriously can't wait for it to all be over. This house is so big and keeping it inspection ready is so hard some days especially with a little baby. Lucky I have my mum so close to come and help.

I still haven't heard back from the bank, hopeless! Will deal with them on Monday. We did put an offer on a place today though.  Will see what they say, I don't expect them to accept it as its less than what they paid for it 3 years ago and they have done a fair bit of work to it.  Unfortunately the market just isn't there.

Well I am going to head off for a run :)

Witching hour

Well for the 2nd day in a row I have managed to get Tyler down for a nap during witching hour.  It isn't easy but we are getting there.  His witching hour is mainly because he is so tired and its so hot here at the moment. I feed him until he milk comas out, put him in his swing and booya!

Well I didn't manage to get any further with my mission this morning.   I did contact the bank but they are still yet to get back to me.  I thought the idea of being a platinum customer with your own personal banker meant these things happened faster! Guess not!

My sister arrives tonight for the weekend.  Will be good for her to spend some time with Tyler.  She hasn't seen him in 6 weeks. I think she will really amazed at how much he has grown.  She is nearly 22weeks now.  Can't wait till March when I get to meet her little one! I have to organise her baby shower and another good friend's.  Both due in March.  Lucky for me my sister will be based in Darwin so I will be holding hers early due to flying restrictions.

Nearly the weekend! Not that it really matters lol.  We are having a photo day on Sunday for my Grandma.  All of my mums side of the family are getting together to have photos done.  It will be the first time in 10 years the whole family has been together.  She has emphysema and stomach cancer and has gotten really frail over the last 2 years, so we thought we should do this before its too late.  In saying that I spent some time with her on the weekend and for her age she is still doing so well.

Trying to get back into running,  I have been a few times now. DH and I came to an arrangement if he takes Tyler every afternoon so I can go for a run, he can go fishing once a fortnight or what ever he wants to do. So far I have been twice. Its just too busy in the afternoons and as Tyler can be grumbly in the afternoons its a bit hard for DH to come home from work and get handed a crying baby! I always pass him over settled but he doesn't stay that way especially if he wants food which in the evenings he does and LOTS of it!  I am loosing weight though I can fit in some normal denim cut off shorts now which is great.  Still a long way to go though.

In terms of #2 well we actually have to DTD first! Very hard with a little bub lol! We have a few times since Tyler was born but all those we used the pull out method so definitely not pregnant yet.  I am not expecting anything but it will be nice to know there is a possibility once we do actually DTD! lol

Time for some more photos. :) I really do have to remember to be this trigger happy with all my children. I know how I feel when I go looking for baby photos of my and there are hardly any but a million of my sister!

Milk Coma!! love the bed hair!

All ready for summer! Can't wait to take him for his first swim, will probably be on the weekend when DH can be there too. 

Bumbo!!! not completely ready for it but nearly! Just need that little bit more neck strength

Stress

It is amazing how different people deal with stress.  I have had to deal with lots over the years and have learnt how to cope very well with it. I used to be a bigger worrier but one day I decided it wasn't worth worrying about so many different things and to move on and since then my stress has been something completely different.

My DH on the other hand doesn't cope with stress at all! I think he is suffering from post natal depression and because of his break down last night I didn't get to bed until about 9:30, I was up with Tyler at 10:30 till 11:15, up again at 1:30 and haven't been back to sleep since! Very tired!

The issues we are currently facing that with DH starting his own business, me not working, the big mortgage over this place and the arrangement with my parents and their separation, the auction, moving, 9 week old baby, has caused all the stress to max out.  I have been sitting here with Tyler since 4am writing everything out. all the pros and cons if we decided to go back to renting, if I returned to work, if I started my own business and honestly I am no further ahead than before I started! I honestly don't know how to help DH with this one.  He wants to go back to renting but I am concerned this will mean we wont ever re-enter the buying market. Also that it will create a liquid lifestyle with less commitment and responsibility and he can return to his young boy hood ways. Which if that is what he wants to do that is his choice. Renting is about the same as the mortgage amount we would need after the money we have left from this house.  We would have no other debt because we will have paid all of that out.

I didn't want to return to work because I wanted to be able to focus on our family.  I don't think that is possible.  I would love to work from home but that involves initial outlays of money, money we just don't have right now. That too though increases the stress as it would be other business to run.

Also the problem with renting is that we have 2 dogs and 2 cats. none of which we would ever want to give away.  They were our children before Tyler came along and they still are our fur children.  They are part of this family and will be till the day they pass on. Finding a rental that takes that many animals would be near to impossible.  We also need a house with side access and a shed as DH still needs to run his business from home.

We can't move in with my mum because her house and property doesn't cater for our medium sized dogs. That and she already has two small dogs and two cats of her own. that would be 4 dogs and 4 cats, 3 adults and 1 baby all under the same roof!  My dad lives on an industrial property so that isn't an option and we don't particularly get along anyway, oh and he definitely wouldn't want a baby living with him, he has seen Tyler 3 times since he was born. DHs family don't live anywhere near us.

Also with Buying re mortgaging our loan would be near impossible as I am not working and DH has only been in his business about 6 months! Currently its with my parents trust account but as they separated in February and are fighting like cats and dogs, we can't really keep some of the loan with them. we need to pay it fully out.

So ultimately I have no F-ing idea what to do.  I am the rock in this family so I need to figure something out! pfft on a few hours sleep that will be fun!

More photos

Couldn't help myself I am so excited about christmas

Not happy Jan

Morning play time

Tummy time mat

Number 2

So DH and I had a talk this morning, we have decided that we both want another bub sooner rather than later so we have decided not to prevent.  We aren't TTC or anything like that but at the same time we wont be doing anything to stop me falling pregnant.  This is very exciting. I don't expect it to happen any time soon, I am fully breast feeding Tyler now and although I am currently spotting no AF as of yet and it may never turn up, I know breast feeding can play havoc with your hormones. I will be breast feeding for about 6 months so that takes us up to March when we were going to officially start TTC, so its possible nothing will happen before then anyway.

Tyler is back to his 2 hourly feeds.  This OK during the day but at night its tough.  The time it takes to feed, burp and settle I get about 45min shut eye.  This is very exhausting but I don't mind.  If he is hungry than he is hungry.  I think it has a lot to do with him not taking a bottle at all any more.  He used to have 1 at night before going to bed and the heavy formula would put him out for 4-5hours. Breast milk is a lot thinner and would get digested a lot faster and he needs to get used to that again. I am going to try and continue to give him that night bottle though as I don't think he has put on any weight in two weeks.  I am going to take him the the health clinic next Wednesday to check.

His reflux is a lot better, he is up to 2x2ml per day of Losec and I am able to lie him on his back straight after a feed.  His night bed is on the flat setting. He still spits up a little and finds his burps hurt him a bit but all in all he is a happy little boy.  He is talking lots. lol in baby talk terms, loves his smiling and play time.  I bought him a tummy time mat the other day. Really enjoys that. I went Christmas shopping for him the other day OMG lol he is too easy to spend money on.  Myer were having a sale 30% off so I got him heaps of Lamaze learning interactive stuff.  I bought him a bumbo on Friday and that should arrive tomorrow, also got him some summer love to dream swaddles as its getting far too hot at night for his other ones.

He has developed it routine witching hour which is from about now 3pm till he has his bath at around 6. But he is actually doing really well today.  Just lying in his bassinet next to me chattering away.

We are having a bit of a problem with his Daddy time.  He gets really unsettled when DH takes him and I think its because he doesn't spend enough time with him as he is always at work.  He has been doing bath time the last few night but as Tyler doesn't take the bottle DH can't feed him but we always try but that just makes him scream. So once I get him settled and fed DH should be able to start taking over story time.

We had our first open home on the weekend.  It went well.  Didn't have many people come through but the advertising only went out on Friday.  Hopefully a better turn out this Sat.

Its my birthday next Monday. OMG 29... getting far too old!  I don't want anything and I would rather people spend the money on Tyler.  I am too old for presents.

I do have to say though its amazing the feelings being a mum creates.  I fall more and more in love with this man every day and I just didn't think I could feel any more than I do each day. Yes there are times when I am tired and frustrated but I know its all part of it.  He is my world and I am really looking forward to his little brother or sister coming along too.  Our reason for perhaps having kids close is that for us it means that I can go back to work sooner once number 2 gets a bit older. If we have 3 or 4 then we do but after the 2nd we will probably take a break for a long while.  I am not a spring chicken and if we have two and can't have any more than it doesn't matter.  I would love the perfect pigeon pair and have a girl next but if its a boy than that's just what was meant to be and I will be very happy with that :)

Little man is getting stroppy with me hehe! Best run!

Times of change

So again its been a little while since I posted.  I don't get onto the computer much these days at all and I really don't like typing too much on my phone just irritates the crap out of me!!

So the little man is now 7weeks3days old and OMG he is growing up way too fast. He smiles lots now which is so nice.  When he cries he has tears :( breaks my heart to see them but I do also know he is OK, just wanting something.

Last couple of days have been rough on him, he has been extremely unsettled and its my own fault but today our routine is back and he is doing well.  His reflux was really bad too but I put up the dose and that seems to have helped for now.

We have decided to sell the house if I haven't mentioned it.  Goes up for Auction on the 11th Dec. We had professional photos done yesterday for all the advertising so DH and I have been going crazy the last few days to get everything done! We kinda over stretched ourselves but we wanted to make sure we get as much as we can for the house. I spent 3 days painting 5 rooms and a hallway, then I had to completely clean and style everything. DH spent the 4 days doing the gardens.  The house looks absolutely amazing now and I wish were were staying but I know its for a good reason.

Growing up I never really got to spend any time with my dad at all.  My parents were always busy working to ensure they could give us the best. of course I want to give my kids the best but I also learnt the value of family.  We only ever had 1 family holiday in my entire childhood.  I don't want to be like that with my kids. I am not thinking expensive holidays just simple camping ones, we didn't even get that as mum and dad just had to always work.  Since Tyler was born DH has been either working or maintaining this place and doesn't get any quality time with him, let alone think about the possibility of going on a holiday with the family. So we are downsizing, a smaller block and house, older style so it frees us up financially too.  I am happy to do heaps around the house, I was amazed  at what we were able to achieve here in only 4 days.  As long as its clean and liveable thats all that matters for now.

The open houses start this weekend with VIPs coming through this Saturday and then general public the weekends following.

So yeah with all the renovating DH and I were doing we didn't get any time with Tyler I had to feed him and hand him to my mum and keep going, or I had to put him in his bassinet  or cot or bouncer and hope he entertained himself. This of course didn't work too well and he spent most of the last 4 days very upset.  But with lots of sleep last night and heaps of cuddles this morning he is much more settled.

On another note I have been crazy thinking about number 2.  Tyler is only 7 weeks old we can't possibly move onto number 2 yet, but I am so excited about our growing family. Its such an exciting time.  I am so stupidly excited about Christmas, I am having to completely restrain myself from buying stuff.  I can't wait to put up the Christmas tree.  I normally do a quick job but this year I am going to deck it all out.  I know Tyler is still too young to appreciate it but it doesn't matter it is still his first Christmas.  I have already bought him a little Christmas suit for the day, which came with a reindeer hat. So cute.  I also bought the huggies Christmas nappies.  He wouldn't be far off 6kg if he isn't already, I haven't had him weighed in nearly 2 weeks and he was 5.4kg then. He went up to 00 yesterday.  Growing way too fast. But in terms of number 2 DH and I have kinda talked about it, he asked if I fell pregnant now would that be safe.  The answer is yes.  physically I am not sure if I am ready to be pregnant again, but if it happened I would be so happy and I would deal with it. Don't get me wrong we aren't trying but at the same time we aren't stopping.  At this point the plan is still actively start trying in March but I am hoping it doesn't involve TTC again. Thats a rollercoaster I am very happy to be off. My heart goes out to those still struggling through it.

In terms of weight loss, I have noticed my clothes are looser but I am not lighter on the scales yet.  All the work around the house the last couple of days, really worked every single muscle group and I always gain a little bit before the numbers start dropping on the scales.  I want to start running soon but I have to start out slowly! I have never been the most patient person and when it comes to running I like to push myself so hard it hurts.  The pain post pregnancy is totally different.  Oh well I will get there.

I am looking forward to the weather heating up too, I have swimmers for both Tyler and I now so I can't wait to take him for his first swim! :)

Thats a long enough update for one day, of course finish it off with some pictures!!

He definitely inherited his daddy's frown.  This isn't a bad frown its a trying to understand what on earth you are saying mummy! 

He loves his sleeping bag.  DH's sister bought them for him and OMG he loves them and it really helps him sleep! Settles him so well especially as he hates being wrapped now. As you can see he needs a bigger one lol! nice round belly!

I will never get tired of his smiles!

My big boy! Wearing his 'Mummy's little hero' suit 

He has found his hands. He stares at them very intently trying to figure them out!