Busy bee with a plan

So much has been happening but nothing all at the same time. 

Tyler - super sooky 2 year old. He went through a couple of weeks of insane tantrums. No idea what it was about but thinking it was a mental growth spurt for him like everything flooding in was just too much sensory overload. He is fine now though strings 5-6 words together knows most of his colours, can count to six. Babbles pretty much all day. He is really clingy to me though not really sure what that is about but I'm enjoying the cuddles. 

Blake - omg can't believe he is 1 in 5 weeks. He is walking with assistance either he walking thing or holding one of our hands. He really wants to take off but he has a bit of a problem with his left leg. His foot really turns in. :( if it wasn't for this he would have taken off on his own already. I have an appointment with the CHN on the 21st nov so they can have a look a refer him to a paed if they think he needs it. I'm hoping with all the walking we are doing with him it will strengthen on its own and it will be fine by then. We will see I'm hoping it's not a hip problem. The folds at the back of his legs have never lined up but the nurse was never concerned. Other than that he is a happy little guy. Loves playing an giggling, oh and he loves 4-4:30 am. Wtf! I thought Tyler was an early riser at 5-5:30 but Blake takes the cake. 

He has started climbing everything. I remember Tyler was climbing everything but I feel Blake is doing it earlier he seems far too little for the stuff he gets up to. Monkey see monkey do too so everything Tyler does Blake follows and omg its scary. 

Bubba 3. 19weeks today. Omg its going quick. I have been sick the last week, upset tummy, the ms is back in full swing I have had diarrhea :( and just sore and cramps. I did some research it could just be my super healthy diet and restarting my exercise. Your body responds differently to these things when pregnant. I have jumped up 2kg since starting my exercise but that's normal for me just my body gaining te muscle it had lost. That should drop off again. I have put on 3.5 kg not including the last weeks 2kg and that's where i want to maintain which seeing as I was already bigger its fine :) I am ensuring I am getting all the required calories and nutrients for bub :) he is my biggest priority, I'm just doing it healthy this time. 

We have decided on a name. :) it may change but we both like it :) makes it more exciting. we will still call him bub until he is born just to make sure the name actually suits him. Finally my morph scan next Friday yay. That's taken forever to get here. Really looking forward to seeing him again. I have been feeling the odd movement here and there for about 3 weeks :( stupid anterior placenta. I love feeling the kicks its the best part. I really miss it. 

So the plan. 

I have been doing A LOT of thinking. I am so happy with my 3 boys, since finding out the gender I have really bonded a I can not wait till march to meet and cuddle him. At the same time though I was thinking I was done. I know deep down I'm not. 4 it will be for us. 

To get there though it's going to involve some planning. 

-bub  born end march 2014

-Get fit lose 15kg by sept 2014

- Get a job at a gym in admin is fine.

- Just work sept-dec14 2-3days a week lose another 10kg reach peak fitness and compete in as many mini triathlons and fun runs as possible

- Jan-dec2015 work 3days a week save to buy a new car and finish my certIV and diploma in fitness. 

- Sept14-April15 me on girl diet and supplements 

- Jan15 B start girl diet and supplements. 

- April 2015 start ttc#4 

- If we are still super fertile and concieve first cycle again mat leave dec15 bub due jan 16. 

Yep that's my plan lol. Although we want 4 i would still love a girl and B has agreed to throw everything into gender swaying. Another boy would be awesome too 4 boys will have so much fun growing up but we will give it what we can to try for a girl. We discussed the gender selection thing and it's not for us. We are lucky to fall pregnant easily and any baby we are blessed with is a true miracle :) 

It's going to be a fast busy few years. 4 kids under 5 it wil be super crazy but omg fun. Wouldn't have it any other way. Love my family. :) 

Very sensitive post

For those go might get upset reading about anything to do with gender disappointment please do yourself a favour and don't read any further.


So since finding out our little baby is a boy I have been going through very extreme emotions. It's not the gender disappointment people expect. I am happy this is a boy he is who he is and I can't wait to meet him and hold him and watch him grow. The feelings I have are in regards to the girl I so badly want. I don't know why I want a daughter so bad. I always saw myself with a girl, I always wanted to be a mum of a daughter. She doesn't have to be a girlie girl into dolls or anything like that I simply just want a girl who ever she turns out to be.

This want has been making me so angry and sad all at the same time. I am tired and with me stupidly thinking this was a girl I thought I was done. I could get on with having my family etc. being a boy means there is no way I can stop at 3. Problem is there is only a 50/50 chance it will end up a girl and having so many boys its likely to be a boy again. How many boys can someone have before the urge for a girl goes away? I never saw myself with a massive family.

This being the case I have been doing some researching on overseas options for PGD gender selection. This of course brings another whirl wind of emotions.
There are so many women having to go though Ivf and PGD for medical reasons this would be a choice for a little girl. I feel guilty about this but I can't help this pain I am feeling. I can't go through the pain of hearing yet again we aren't having that daughter. Sure every boy I had I would love I don't doubt that but every time I would have to grieve that little girl.

I'm angry that I am having to resort to this or even think about it. This too makes me feel guilty because again their are women out there struggling for a baby at all or who would have given anything for their baby to be healthy.

I feel like I'm not entitled to these feelings. That because I have 3 healthy boys I should be happy with that.

I considered hypnotherapy to get rid of that want feeling but after doing some reading women who had tried this say they go through these waves of emotions again and again trough out their life. I don't want to get to 50 start going though menopause and really regret not giving it everything I could have for a girl. The science is there why can't I take advantage of it? I have given the world a good share of boys why can't I have 1 girl?
I wish I could have done it naturally but it wasn't meant to be.
So I am looking into how much it is to do it with Genea and their overseas Thailand lab superior ART. We would be looking at early 2015 if its possible.
I don't know if it is, maybe the law in Australia will change before then I know they are reviewing it this year and if it does great make it all so much easier but if not i would still like them all together just have to assess over the next 12month the options and start saving. I will lose weight after bub is born to get down to 75kg to ensure we can go ahead with it all.

It's a difficult decision to make but gender disappointment is real.

Gender revealed

So the news is in we are having another gorgeous little boy :)
I was upset at first not because its a boy but because I'm sad I won't have a daughter. I came to terms with it really quick though and I'm just so happy he is healthy. I'm so looking forward to meeting him in march. I wonder what he will look like having 2 complete opposites in Tyler as Blake. I know how lucky we are to be able to fall pregnant so easily. What is meant to be is :) if that's all boys as long as they are healthy then I am happy :)

My stupid mind won't stop churning now. I was set on 3 but not I'm not sure. Not for the wanting a girl now I know if we go for 4 it will be another boy it more that 3 is an uneven number that bothers me. 2 boys and a girl wouldn't have been so bad but 3 boys I can see so many 2 against one fights.
Financially at this point 4 would never be an option as we would need another car.

I need to return to work and still want to achieve those things on my list in the next few years. I have decided to get the implant once I stop bfing. I was thinking then we reassess and see if we want another. If we do not B then get the ship.
The gap would bother me having the first 3 so close then a 4 year gap but unless I win the lotto there is no other option.

At this point I certainly do not see it viable but I would still like to leave our options open. Problem with that is I don't really want to store baby still for 4 years. If we didn't have to buy a new car we could just have another close 4 boys makes it so much cheaper as until they are old enough hand me downs are not a problem.

Maybe I should try entering the lotto hahaha