FRUSTRATION!!!!

OK I am starting to get frustrated to the MAX and I am seriously so over it.  I have planned to continue work until 36weeks which is fine, I partly don't have a choice and work is just really starting to make me angry and I am getting to the point where I just want to walk out!!!

OK so quick background.  The company I currently work for is ceasing from the 30th June (yep 4 weeks!!) We are in the process of transferring over into the university system.  Thats all fine, we are currently still waiting on final employment contracts but I don't see why it would be an issue.

Unfortunately due to the decrease in funding for science research from the federal government, our customer orders have reduced and we unfortunately couldn't renew one of the staff's contracts after June (on paper it looks like not much work but we are FLAT out!).  Meanwhile another staff member has been planning a move interstate and her partner may have just found a job.  She has said to not leave us in the lurch she would finish up on the 2nd September.  With that though she has asked for the 1st week of July off to help her partner move, then every 2nd week she wants to take wed afternoon, Thursday and Friday off so she can visit him for the weekend.  Now remember are loosing a staff member on the 30th June so that leaves myself, and 3/4 timer (the one wanting all the leave) and a 2day part timer left to do all the work.  My manager is still around but doesn't work in the laboratory anymore.  On top of that my manager is away until the 20th June and again from the 25th July-8th Aug, which means I have to do her job as well hence why I can't take Maternity leave any earlier.  This not only means there is NO way I can take the 1 day a week off as holidays I was planning starting at the end of June but I wont even be able to have a sick day if I am not up to it! This is whilst being heavily pregnant!!!  I travel 2 hours commute everyday, and start at 7 and finish about 4:30 sometimes 5!!!  Also in this time I will have to train my maternity replacement, and coordinate the hand over of all skills of those that are leaving! Now I know I wanted this management role but seriously its a JOKE! Whilst I appreciate the staff member want to stay on to help us out leaving on the 2nd of September is a really crap time.  It would be easier, to get someone new now, train them whilst I am still able to move freely and don't get exhausted at the drop of a hat! then they can train my maternity replacement or I could even train them both at the same time.  There are things they will take longer to pick up but my manager will be here to help with those things.

Then to top it off this week, because the manager is currently away the staff have been taking extended lunch breaks, turning up late and leaving early, asking for time off 1/2 days here and there etc. I know its a difficult time and we are going through a transition and things are uncertain but seriously why can people just not do their job!

So that is my frustration right now, I keep reminding myself that I am in it for the maternity leave and there is only 10weeks and 2 days to go! I have no idea how I am possibly going to get through those 10weeks but once I do I can stop and hopefully get a chance to relax a little bit before bub comes.  My worry is the stress and working so hard and pushing myself will bring on early labour! It would be my luck to be stressed out for the next 10weeks and then bub comes 4 weeks early! Whilst I can't wait to meet little peanut, 4 weeks for a bit of time out is going to be well and truly needed so I am not so stressed out when bubs finally does come.

On another note, OB appointment this afternoon, looking forward to that, get to see peanut again, its active again today after 2 quieter days. on the quiet days I get REALLY sore boobs and nipples, heart burn goes through the roof even with Zantec, and I simply just can't sleep.  My guess is peanut goes through a growth spurt and then the few days following its SO active.  I love feeling the big kicks though! I will get the OB to check on growth though, I do still feel like I haven't grown enough, everyone keeps saying how small I am for 25+ weeks! :( stupid people! Things like that make a 1st time mum worry.

Well will update tonight after my appointment, now I just have to try and get through the day with a rational head and not just walk out of this place!!!

Nesting

25weeks

So the nesting has well and truly started.  Other women had told me about it. I really didn't see it ever happening to me but it has!!! I have gone absolutely crazy today.  I felt like a woman possessed.  I didn't get everything done that I wanted to but thats OK I keep reminding myself I do still have 15weeks to go! Although I would like to have everything completed by about 35weeks. 

The good news is the nursery is mostly finished! YAY! DH has been doing some work on it this week/weekend so the were the main big things left. Once they were done I could do my little bits.  I have attached some photos at the end of this post.  I still want to get some art for the walls, and have to hang the nappy stacker, there is another shelving cupboard to go in next to the change table, DH is in the middle of making this (I  really like things to be organised and in there place so the more storage the better!) I am getting some blinds made up and still looking for curtains. 

I have also started getting all the other little stuff.  Nappy wipes, bottles, breast milk bottles, steriliser, bottle cleaners, disposable breast pads, washable bamboo breast pads, baby wash and shampoo etc.  I still have lots to buy but I am going to buy up as it comes on special.  I also got a whole heap of clothes.  I have to wash them all although they are clean they aren't my clean lol, but there are so many.  Only 00000 and 0000 at this point.  They are coming from the quintuplets which are getting bigger now.  They are still so adorable though. I am going to start washing and folding them and sorting them into boy and girls and sizes. 

My BF has also started organising my baby shower.  Its going to be the 17th July.  She is heading to Canada the following weekend and gets back mid August so I think if we waited until she got back it would be too late.  I don't see me popping early but you can never be sure.  So I will be 32weeks then so I think thats good timing.  

hmm what else, oh yeah I finally got cupboards for my laundry.  Its something that has always bothered me. My laundry has never been efficient. I finally found some cupboards when I went looking for my nursery one yesterday.  DH will put them in tomorrow.  I am so excited!!!!  I have been in this house for nearly 4 years and its always something that has gotten on my nerves.  They are off white which was a bit crap as I like bright white. Its a cleaner colour to me, but honestly they are cupboards.  I needed it sorted for bubs as I am using MCN's.  Must have an efficient nursery for MCN's. 

I also got a bassinet. Its pink at the moment so I might have to get DH's mum to do some sewing if its a little boy. 

I think we are getting closer to our top names list.  Its so hard to choose a name.  Especially when you don't know the sex.  I want about 6 names each way. We are OK on boys names but girls names are so much harder. We will get there. 

Well probably enough rambling for one day. Here are some pics. 

belly shot

well it still doesn't look like I have changed much but I can see a difference. :) To me its sticking out more, I should start measuring circumference, not sure I want to go to that much effort though! Oh and excuse the pink poka dot undies lol I didn't realise they were sticking out!

24weeks YAY!!!!

So I have finally made it to the elusive 24week mark! YAY very exciting! Peanut has had a very active day which is very reassuring of course. :) I know we are by no means safe, but passing every milestone is such an important step.  16weeks to go! I am starting to get excited. It still does feel like ages but I know it will be here in no time.

I have tried to up the anti on getting more prepared! I really do need to make a list of the stuff I need to do! I went shopping today to see if I could get some curtains, blinds and a rug.  Apparently deep green isn't in fashion this year! GRRR! So I am going to have to see what I can find online.  I was going to take a photo of the nursery and post it but DH has the camera out with him fishing so it will have to wait!

I also took a 24week belly shot but thats on the camera!  Well I am off to do some online shopping! :)

Time stopped?

Lately I really feel as though time has just stopped.  It could be the extreme exhaustion taking over here but it does feel like its taking longer to get through the weeks.  I am 24weeks tomorrow and that is SO exciting but it feels like I had my 20week scan so much longer ago.  It also doesn't help that my belly hasn't really grown any since about 16weeks. Peanut keeps going through quiet stages, I just want it to kick big and huge all the time. I just worry that its not growing at the speed it should.  OB appointment on the 1st will get to see peanut again then!

i am going to go back to bed for a bit. Bugger it its the weekend and I am still so tired. Being this tired just makes me emotional and worry about peanut even more!

Exhaustion

OMG I am SO TIRED!! :( 10hour days + 2 hours travel is killing me. I have been tried before but this is to a whole new level.  I feel physically sick. Every part of my body just wants to collapse :( Yet I have no choice but to keep going.  My manager is going on 4 weeks leave on Friday so I have to I am up to speed on everything she needs me to cover in her absence. It also means the extra hours wont stop for at least another 4 weeks as I have to step up  to acting manager.

The good news is it looks like I will definitely be getting maternity leave. There may also be a possibility that instead of the 14weeks I thought, it might be 26weeks at full pay! That would be unbelievable! Currently although I working within the university we aren't employed by them.  We are currently undergoing employment negotiations and should have our new contracts signed by the end of the week. I was worried because I wouldn't have been on the uni's books for 12months and therefore I wouldn't get maternity leave at all.  But looks like they have to honor the fair work trade act or something and because I have been with this company nearly 4 years they have to pay out my leave.  The university also has a kind of trade work act internally and they can't give us less entitlements than what is stipulated in that.  If that is the case then its 26weeks at full pay! At this point I am going on the 14weeks, better to be happily surprised than disappointed. Either way I am just relieved that I will be getting some kind of maternity leave.

Its what is helping me get through the days. 12weeks to go.

Peanut is going well.  Had a few crazy movement days and a few quiet ones to follow.  Think its back to its craziness now though.

Oh DH finished the cupboard in the nursery yesterday! YAY looks fantastic. Have to get some pics up when i put the furniture back in.

Well best get back to work or I will be here until 5 again. (I start at 7am)

23weeks

Only 1 more week till that elusive 24 week mark! I know its only a 50% chance of survival if peanut is born that early with a high chance of mental problems but at least if it was born it would have a fighting chance!

Honestly though I think peanut is in there to cook a fair bit longer! Everything has been going great pregnancy wise. I got worried this morning, seriously it doesn't take much! but peanut normally wakes up with me and has a bit of a play and I lie there and watch and feel it kick and move.  Nothing this morning, the same with last night actually, when I get up to pee (which has dropped to 2 or 3 times a night) I normal feel it kicking whilst falling back to sleep, it eases me and makes me fall to sleep knowing everything is OK.  When I can't feel it move it takes me ages to drop off to sleep, hoping that everything is OK.  Anyway I figured it was just having a quiet time but started to worry none the less.  So I got out the doppler. Well Peanut officially doesn't like it at all. At first I got a little warning kick, which was good I was like OK peanut is fine, but I thought I would just check to make sure the heart rate was strong and in range, well 2 seconds later I got the get that thing away from me kick.  It was massive, I saw it come right out and wow was it hard.  It just kicked the probe away. lol I stopped after that I got the message.  Its always a big relief to know all is OK.

So still having the same little issues as the last post.  The bleeding has basically stopped, I have really upped the fiber and water so thats fixing that.  The belly ring infection is pretty much all cleared up too.  The only other problem I have been having is with heart pulpitations.  They get really bad, I get dizzy, feel sick,  start to feel tight in the chest. Horrible feeling.  I emailed my OB he said its common but keep an eye on it.  I got DH to buy me a blood pressure monitor the other day, as there is preeclampsia in the family and I am worried about high blood pressure.  But its actually low.  Which is normal for this time in the pregnancy. 119/58 this morning! I am normally completely text book, 120/80. its good to have the monitor though so I can keep an eye on it as I get closer to the end when blood pressure problems seem to pop up.

Other than that DH is finally getting around to putting in the new cupboard in the nursery today.  I wanted sliding doors put on and to get rid of this stupid void in the middle of the doors.  So once that is done I can paint around the edges and start finishing things off.  I haven't really bought anything else, I got a Baby bjorn off ebay last week for $30, its in great condition. I need to get a chest of drawers for under the window.  I don't believe in paying full price for most things so I have been trying to find one 2nd hand.  Not having much luck! But there is still time so I am sure the perfect one will come up.  Once I have done some more I will put some pics up.  I love seeing nursery pics.

I think thats enough rambling for one day. At least peanut has decided to wake up for the day and has started playing a game of footy.  I definitely love the feeling.

22w3d

What a busy week.  Work is so crazy! I have had a conference the last couple of days, and its only going to get worse getting back into the office tomorrow.

Pregnancy wise everything is going great.  I have to say I love being pregnant :) I do get tired and my back hurts sometimes etc but when peanut kicks its so all worth it.  I have to say I think I am having a very good pregnancy. The migraines are the hardest, they can knock me out completely some days and I am in bed and throwing up. But its usually only a day at a time and I try to lie there and feel peanut kick away and I know its all worth it.  I am sure the 3rd trimester will be a bit harder, but I am definitely enjoying things at the moment.

My bbs have a few more purple stretch marks, its OK I'm keeping up with the bio oil. They are some how continuing to grow and still hurt lol.  I thought that was supposed to stop. Belly is still good with no stretch marks there are some little veins appearing but thats it.  I am sure they will make their appearance.

13 weeks until maternity leave now.  Can't believe it. Its coming around so fast! 5 weeks till I drop down to 4 days a week!!!!

The only issue I am having and this is WAY TMI!!!!!!!!  But I think its an anal fissure yep charming.  But there is sometimes some bright red blood when I pass a bowel movement.  At first I would FREAK out at the sight of blood but when I work out where its from my heart settles.  I have started taking extra fiber so hopefully that starts to help.  I am not concerned its anything else, I have no pain and its bright red, not dark so its very close to the surface and the exit. I have no pain or anything like that so it should go after the baby is born.

Oh the other things is my belly ring.  The new ring has caused a bit of an infection :( very red and sore.  I have started a cleaning regime, haven't had to do that since I got it pierced when I was 16. Starts off with a antibacterial wash and then drying with a tiny bit of methylated spirits. Hopefully it clears up in a couple of days if not I will just remove it.  I can't go back to the normal ones and the long plastic maternity one is my only option.  It moves a lot so I think its all the movement and rubbing that caused the infection.

Well thinking about bed time.  Some emails to write and then a nice long shower and sleep.  Still getting up around 6 times a night to pee.  its warming me up for the 3rd trimester insomnia. I am getting used to the lack of sleep, although the girls at work are finding my pregnancy brain very funny!

Night night!

OB Appointment

Well just got back from my OB appointment. Gotta love that man he is definitely great.  I got a script for heart burn tablets finally.  I was going to try and hold off until the 3rd trimester but I am in too much pain from it.  I have had it since 4 weeks so I did well to last that long.  I get heart burn from absolutely everything even water, and the antacid tablets simply aren't cutting it and I don't want to eat a packet of those a day.

I got my medical certificate for work.
We discussed my back, he had spoken to an anesthetist who doesn't think it will be a problem at all.  YAY fantastic news. Dr A said its very rare to do a c-section under a general as its really dangerous for mum so it will be avoided and only used as a very last resort.

We talked about DH and I looking into buying an Epi-No.  If you don't know what that is, its a balloon devise that you use from about 35weeks to help start to stretch you vagina to help reduce the chances of it tearing during birth.  DH's Brother and sister in-law recommended it to us while we were away.  She had two 9pound boys and didn't tear once.  Dr A agreed that there isn't much he recommends but definitely things they are worth it.  They are about $180 to buy but we figured it would be worth it.  Anyway while we were talking about it Dr A opened the cupboard and was like here have this one.  We were so grateful little things like that help so much especially with DH starting his business up and my wage being the only income at the moment.

What else, he asked if I had any swelling, nope nothing.  We discussed the low lying placenta, he isn't concerned which I figured he wouldn't be. He is just going to monitor it in house.  That again saves us another $200. He had a look at it today and although his machine is fuzzy he measured over 3cm so give or take he thinks its definitely moving away.

He took a couple of photos and videos for me.  I wanted a full bub shot but he couldn't get it all onto the screen.

A nice strong heart beat at 150bpm

Well thats about it :) very happy. Still feel so blessed everyday for this little peanut. It is still so surreal though that there is a little person in side of me.  Even when I feel big massive kicks it doesn't truly sink in.

belly pic

So this is it 21w3d. Doesn't look much bigger than the 16week one  but I have filled out a lot more.

This is the comparison shot

21w2d

Its been a while but I have been on Holidays :) I got back yesterday from visiting DH's home town.  The trip down was fine, but the trip home was hard.  15hours in the car is a long time.  I was so completely out of it last night, I felt like the walking dead.  After a great nights sleep though feeling much better :)

The week visiting his family was great.  We don't get to see them very often, usually once a year when we head down there.  It will probably be twice a year this year though :)

We went down for our Godson's Christening.  It was so fantastic to spend time with the kids.  They are hard work and need attention 100% of the time but its so worth it.  It just made me even more excited to meet peanut.  I seriously can't wait until September.  The kids are nearly 2 and 4 so great ages. So much fun. Although definitely get grumpy at times. Its a crazy week though, DH is one of 8 kids so its always go go go. This time we did get a bit of a chance to relax though.

We will probably be heading back there in Nov/Dec ish to get the baby baptised. His family are the religious one so it makes more sense to have the ceremony down there.

Baby wise peanut is being REALLY active these days.  Feels great though. Getting real big kicks now and constant. My belly button isn't far from popping, its almost completely flat.  For some reason I hadn't given any thought to this at all.  I still have my belly button ring in, still deciding if I should buy a pregnancy ring or just take it out. I wouldn't be able to get it re-pierced though as I have already had it done once before.  Too much scar tissue building up. I just feel completely naked without it as I have had it since I was 16.

It was so weird to think yesterday on the way home that the next time I see all of them we will have a little baby.  So exciting.  I have 3 very flat out months coming, non stop at work, company wrap up and roll over, conferences, training courses, manager on leave for 4 weeks, so its all going to go by in a flash. August will be here before I know it.

Two more days holiday left before I go back to work, going to make the most of it and relax.  Will probably try and sit down and do a list of baby stuff I still need. Which is most of it lol.  For someone normally so organsied I have been so slack.  Not sure why really.

I have my OB appointment tomorrow, going to try and get a better shot of bubs seeing as the last tech was so crap.  Will find out about the back issues and placenta issues too.

Well probably should go do something :) Will post a belly pic later.