8 weeks

Well I have made it to 2/3 of the way through the first trimester!! YAY

I think bubba is going through a growth spurt at the moment.  Well I hope so.  lol. I hope it isn't my mind playing tricks. I started throwing up Friday night and I haven't really stopped.  Saturday I got a little bit of reprieve but the nausea was extreme.  I am having trouble driving or focusing on anything for any length of time cause I am so tired.  The spewing also makes me really shaky.  Its all good though, hopefully means peanut is growing real strong.  May have to get a script of Maxolon from Dr A on Wednesday when I go for my scan.  Its OK to be out of it and constantly throwing up while at home, its a little hard at work.  Friday at work was by far the hardest day I have had.  I was seconds away from throwing up in the bin next to my desk and then lying on the floor. lol!

Its 2:30pm and I have finally been able to keep down something.  I just had a salad roll. although I did only just finished it about 5mins ago but I do feel stronger than I did this morning.  Had to go grocery shopping before lol That was an experience.  I must have looked like a complete zombie!

well this has taken me long enough to write, I am going to send a few emails and have a nap. :)

7w4d

well I have been a little quiet in the blogging states at the moment.  I am just nervous trying to get through everyday.  I have actually had 3 very good days.  In the way I mean very good is hardly any symptoms at all!!!  This did make me very nervous, I had crampy pains but I am starting to think its growing pains. They aren't uterus pains but I would prefer no cramping at all! Its mainly high on the left and right and really pully.  Oh and the gas pain! Definitely DH's child hahahaha!!!

I have been talking to some pregnant friends and apparently things go in waves of about 3 days.  My body proved this this morning as I can't stop throwing up.  All that saved up spewing from the past 3 days is coming out today! I can't take time off work so sea bands are on and ginger tea is out! Hopefully my tummy settles soon because I have to spend most of my day in the lab and stripping off gloves and a lab coat and washing hands whilst trying to stop yourself throwing up well hopefully it doesn't prove too difficult!

Its all good though its a relief to have it back! Nearly 8 weeks and only 5 days until my scan! DH turned 30 yesterday! wow we are getting old lol!

Tiredness is back with a vengeance today too and the baby brain.  Not functioning well at all!!!!  I would be happy for this to keep up for the next 4 weeks!!!

I bought a doppler the other day.  I did my research and because it only outputs 3mHz it isn't harmful to the baby at all.  I tried it but I know its too early to pick anything up yet.  They say maybe from about 8 weeks :) so I will give it another go on Sunday and then only weekly from there.  I have my scan next Wednesday anyway so seeing peanut hopefully healthy strong and growing will keep my racing mind happy for a week or so lol!

Well best get started on the work for the day! TGIF!!!!!

7w1d

Right this blog entry is going to be hard to get out.

I have been so very very unwell today.  I can't get my brain to function at all!  I woke up about 5:15 and I was absolutely starving.  I knew then it wasn't good.  I fell back to sleep and my alarm woke me at 5:45.  rolled out of bed and the vomiting started.  I had so much trouble getting ready for work! I threw up about 10 times before I left the house mainly just bile which is so gross!  Then I managed to eat some toast with Vegemite on the way to work.  Was OK for the hour drive then walking to the office which takes about 10mins was so hard.  Made it to the toilet here and thew up again. I have had a few more times through out the day and now I just feel nauseous.  I am drinking my Ginger tea and have my sea bands on but today its just no good.  I feel completely off.  I am so exhausted to, I just want to put my head down on my desk.

Add on top of that these dull aches I am having.  I think its just bowel stuff again but still that is one thing I don't like.  I can handle the throwing up and the headaches but not the bowel cramps.  They worry me, its too close to uterus cramps, most of the time I worry thats what it is.  I am undie watch today although nothing but Creamy CM my head just isn't in the right place to cope with any of it.

I would go home and sleep but due to the floods this is my 3rd day back and we have Wednesday off for Aust Day. pfft so tired.

I think I pushed myself too hard over the weekend too.  Friday night I didn't get to bed till after midnight as I had to pick my sister up from the airport.  I was then up at 6am to start preparing for DH's 30th Birthday BBQ that afternoon.  Was flat out all day, BBQ was great, food was fantastic and everyone loved the birthday cake. I started throwing up at about 11pm and I eventually got to bed at 11:30 but didn't sleep well as there were still some of DH's mates left.  DH came to bed at 3:30am.  At 6am we were both awake and couldn't sleep.  We chatted for about an hour before we decided to get  up and clean up.  My stomach was off so I was off throwing up but I had organised breakfast with my sister and mum.  I managed to go out but couldn't eat much.

I went and finally bought a body pillow. OMG best invention in the WORLD! I slept like a log last night. They are so very comfy.  just reminds me of the movie the back up plan.  So funny! hahahaha

Anyway finally got home, DH moved one of our spare mattress into the lounge room under the air con and we watched the cricket and tennis and snoozed for the afternoon.

Only a few hours left for today I just hope I can push through! Just feeling really guilty because I am not being very productive here at all!  I am looking forward to going part time in May/June depending on how much holiday I actually have up.

I can't believe my scan is next Wednesday.  Looking forward to it but definitely really nervous.

Pictures and a Video

So Its a little grainy as Dr A's ultrasound machine is a small in office one, but you can see peanut and the nice strong heart beat! YAY!

This is the zoomed out video

This is our little peanut so perfect.  I hope it stays that way!

Peanut is PERFECT!

I can't express the relief.  Peanut is perfect.  Measuring exactly to date and a really nice strong heart beat at 130bpm and at 6weeks thats excellent! YAY  I don't have any download yet so pics will have to wait :)

On cloud 9 today I really hope everything keeps going so well :)

D-Day

6w3d! The day our little girl died.  very nervous today, I am hoping to get hit with the ms again.

Yesterday I had a very interesting day.  I have a new symptom. Dizziness!!

To start the day I headed down the gold coast to pickup a baby capsule which I grabbed on ebay for $20 OMG. the guy was really nice and threw in a portable cot.  They aren't new but they are in great condition and a bargain pick up.  So anyway driving back from there I started to feel really sick! Was determined not to spew in the car.  I was going to go straight home but I had set some plans out and I want to get them done.  Being down and out from MS over the past few days I needed to get some stuff done before I go back to work tomorrow.

So I stopped off at the shop to pick up stuff for the house and for DH's 30th.  Half way walking around woolies I started to feel REALLY unwell and really light headed.  I couldn't concentrate and thought OMG I am either going to spew or pass out.

I ran around the shop and grabbed what I could really quickly.  Kept it together amazingly till I got home.  I have never felt so ill.  So after a spew I made myself something to eat and went for a sleep in the aircon.  This little peanut is definitely taking it out of me.  Which makes me happy of course. But I couldn't wake up from that nap. Normally I feel groggy after an afternoon nap but this was shocking.  It was like I had drunk 4 bottles of Vodka.

Anyway DH came home and didn't have keys so I jumped up to let him in.  wow again came inches from passing out!

I am hoping this is all a good sign and peanut is growing strong.  I have come to some peace lately when I realised that if anything happens I can't stop it and I will deal with it if it happens.  Of course I am still nervous but it makes getting through each day a little easier.

4days 6 hours to go until my scan!!!

Nervous Nelly

Well my nerves definitely haven't settle down any over the past 24hours.  Other than being EXTREMELY tired yesterday I didn't really have much else going on. My bbs were only slightly tender, by the afternoon I had stopped throwing up.  This lack of symptoms started to get me worried.  Then to make it worse I started to get cramps.  They didn't feel like AF cramps but I was constantly questioning it in my head.  I honestly felt like I just had really bad gas.  Anyway before I went to bed I decided to take a laxative. Needless to say I feel heaps better in the stomach department this morning.  I still have the normally stretchy type cramps but that is it.

Anyway I woke up this morning feeling really good.  Therein lies the problem.  I don't want to feel good I want to feel sick so I know peanut is OK.  I got up I felt awake and energised I had some water felt hungry, had a green tea felt OK a little queezy but nothing much. I had a shower and started to feel a little off in the shower.

Decided I was probably just hungry so I made some toast with Banana on it. Yeah never knew swallowing could be so hard.  Every bite was so hard to get down, the more I ate the sicker I felt. YAY! lol I haven't thrown up but definitely nauseous.  Oh and something that is really making my gag and actually made me spew yesterday, dog biscuits.  I ate one as a kid so when ever I think about it I can always imagine that taste. Its gross btw. but listening to the cat eat her breakfast yesterday reminded me of this taste and that was it I couldn't hold it in.  Today my stomach seems stronger but definitely sick.

This has relieved me a bit but I just really need to see peanut.  Make sure its OK.  I know I need to have faith and if something does happen I can't do anything to stop it so worrying is achieving absolutely nothing!!! But I can't help it. 7 days to go!

I have been out of bed today for about an hour and a half, getting used to this not working thing.  but already I am so tired I could just lie down and go back to sleep. zzZZZzzZZzzZZ

Well should probably try and make the best of the last 3 days off before work reopens.

6weeks

So I have made it to the half way point of the 1st trimester.  Only 6 more weeks until safety.  But that is so far away.

Making me even more nervous is the reminder of how fast this can be taken away.  A girl I used to know has had a horrible journey to finally fall pregnant with IVF.  7w3d down the track she might be loosing her precious little bubble.  My heart is truly breaking for her.  She doesn't deserve this.  I really hope a miracle happens for her, if there was a need for one its now!

It reminds me how one day you think everything is fine and the next it all comes crashing down.

I am really sick this time and everyone keeps saying thats usually a good sign that bubba is growing strong.  But I am still so scared and nervous.  I keep wondering if I am imagining all these things.  My bbs aren't sore today only a little tender.  The nipples are still painful but that drop in symptom gets me so worried.  In true form I am already throwing up this morning so thats reassuring but I wonder can it be in my head?  Normally I never throw up. Now I can't stop it.  Surely that means its real??

Having a baby isn't supposed to be so hard and stressful.

Please little peanut stay strong and healthy. 1week and 1 day till I get to see you.  I am really hoping to see a nice strong heart beat and good measurements.  I don't know what I would do if it wasn't.  I need to keep positive. I do still feel like everything is going well.  I really do hope I am right!

Scariest moment yet

First off me and Food really don't like each other. I can't keep it down . but it does tell me peanut is definitely OK. I have some ginger drink here that seems to be calming my tummy down a little bit, must go out and get some more today! I am so very grateful for the ms but I honestly never thought I would be hit with it so bad. I am so ill all day! lol I am just lucky that my work is closed until next Thursday, wouldn't be able to cover this sickness up at work. 

TMI Alert

So last night I definitely had the scariest moment.  I have had the worst constipation over the last few days.  Yesterday not only was the ms there all day with throwing up multiple times my stomach was in agony from the constipation.  I have been taking metamucil every day and drinking heaps of water but with peeing every 30mins or more some times more it wasn't helping.  So last night I went to the toilet and when I wiped I saw a little bit of blood. I just wanted to cry. I was trying so hard to hold it back.  Even though my mucus had been creamy all day seeing this blood devastated me.  I know bleeding in early pregnancy can be completely normal and it was practically nothing, I would have to go to the hospital for an Anti D injection in light of me being A- and DH being B+.  Anyway I was on undie watch for the next few hours.  The normal creamy CM was there with no sign of blood what so ever, not even the little tinge or anything.  Anyway in the back of my mind I was thinking it might have been from the constipation but I was thinking worst case scenario in case it happened.

Anyway after a restless night and my normal 5 trips to the toilet and no blood I woke up this morning and went to the toilet again.  Still constipated a bit but it STUNG like hell.  So definitely think thats where the blood came from. lol
So I have started some natural remedies to try and reduce the constipation as it was definitely making me more sick yesterday.

Bbs are still sore, ms is definitely there, heart burn, no cramps which is reassuring :) So all seems to be going well. Stupid constipation! My intuition is telling me peanut is perfectly fine and my intuition is normally completely spot on!

Well its raining again here today, hopefully it doesn't last long.  Have DH's 30th BBQ next weekend and I wanted to get out and clean up the back entertainment area.

hCG

I just got my results back and peanut is growing super.

5w2d - 5850
5w4d - 9660

yay its doubling!!! So happy with those results.  Now the count down to the first scan. 10 days to go!!!

Other symptoms wise bbs are sore again, and the constipation has set in. and I have a new symptom.  TMI warning.  OK vivid dreams started about 5days ago. But they have changed.  I am so horny all the time! and my dreams are about it, constantly. its like its an urge I can't satisfy.  DH is loving it but it really wired.  I have never experienced this before.  They say if its a boy the testosterone kicks in at about 6 weeks so maybe and that might explain it. or just all the extra blood in the area.  lol have to laugh about it though

5w4d

Its been a few days I have been trying to lend a hand where I can to the people affected by this flood. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all the families who have lost loved ones and lost all there possessions. I hope the worst is over and its wonderful how everyone is really getting in there and helping. Truly amazing people out there. 

I was evacuated from work at Lunch time on Tuesday and I haven't been able to return. I live on the east side of Brisbane and we haven't been affected here at all, but I work at the university of QLD on the other side of the city. Not only could I not get to work but the Uni was badly flooded as well. It was shut down completely and the 1st level of my 7 story building was flooded. I am so thankful to the uni who had staff on site which moved some very valuable equipment and stock from that first level up to the 7th level. We had a cryostorage tank with over a million dollars worth of stock and about 30 years of work. It would have been devastating to loose that. But in context we would have recovered and I am just so very grateful no one here in Brisbane has lost their life. 

Peanut seems to be growing very strong. I had my first  this morning. I didn't have this in the first pregnancy and this tells me peanut is doing really well. I had bloods done on Tuesday morning and again this morning but with all the roads cut I will have to wait a while for those results. Its OK though I have a feeling they will come back fine and I would never want anyone to risk their life for something so trivial in comparison. 

In terms of other symptoms. The heart burn is bad today but I think thats an extension of the ms. It hasn't finished with me but I am so very happy to have this ms. My bbs seem to be going up and down the nipples have remained very painful but the bbs themselves go from extremely tender to not much at all. Bad headaches and tiredness is starting to set in too. I do feel like everything is traveling really well. I still pray every day that my little peanut makes it! 


Oh and I did another hpt yesterday lol can't help myself.  OH yeah nice nice dark line.  The test line has almost taken all the colour in the test and the control line is so light hehe 

nearly 6 weeks YAY!

5w1d

Unfortunately its Monday again. Its so hard to get up at 5:30am especially when its raining and perfect sleep in weather!!!

Well I have made it to 5w1d.  My worry yesterday was short lived. By yesterday afternoon my bbs were really sore again!

they are really sore again this morning and the m/s has kicked in a little.  Heart burn still really bad! all of this can get a million times worse and the happier I will be. I went shopping for some new bras yesterday.  I went from a B to a C in my first short pregnancy and already I am up to a D. OMG! but there were maternity bras on sale so I just grabbed a few of those.  I am guessing they will go down after the pregnancy so I can just wear my old bras again.


Tried to ring the Dr to make an appointment. There was no answer so they might not be back from Holidays yet. Will try again later, there was no answer machine saying they weren't open so that was a bit weird.

Well best do some work!

5 WEEKS! YAY

Another week has passed although extremely slowly!

Well the nerves are there again today.  TMI alert! I had very bad Diarrhea last night, was horrible.  I don't think it was a sickness or anything, maybe my body didn't like the cheese I ate yesterday or the Thai BBQ we had for dinner, but either way it scared me.  I remember getting it last time around when the baby died! :( My bbs are still sore today but again its a little less :( I just wish they would keep hurting!

But I did the clear blue digital this morning.

Which was perfect!  2-3 weeks since conception which equates to about 4-5weeks pregnant! YAY!

Take each day as it comes.  Again I feel like bub is fine so lets just hope! :) I keep trying to remind myself the odds are in my favor. But it isn't really helping!

4w6d

So yesterday lets just say I had a big of a freak out!

I grabbed a hpt while we were out getting dinner last night. firstly OMG Christmas is definitely the time of year for trying to get pregnant!! They were almost all out of hpt, I couldn't believe it.  Anyway they had a cheap FR so I thought I would just grab it.  Now I had drunk about 4L water yesterday, and TMI alert but had a little bit of diarrhea when I got home from work. But at the time none of this factored into my mind! lol that would be smart! So anyway I got home and didn't really need to go to the bathroom but wanted to test so forced myself to go.  To my horror this is what I got.

 The test line seems so light!!!!! Anyway when I got my head around it I decided to read the packet.  This test is for use only after your AF is late.  The ones I had been using were for use up to 6 days before AF was due.  So The sensitivity would have been totally different.  I still wasn't happy though I really didn't like seeing the lighter line. Anyway I went out this morning and upped the arsenal! 3 high sensitivity FRs and 1 Digital Clue blue that is supposed to estimate conception date.  I will keep the digital till tomorrow morning but this is the FR.

The test line is exceptionally darker than the control. lol this made me feel so much better! Its amazing how a little pee stick can make you worry so much.
So this is the comparison of the 3FRs I have done. Top one 12DPO middle 15DPO and bottom is 20DPO.

Symptoms are good.  My bbs are still sore, heaps of CM. No real cramps just the occasional twinge which is great. and the foggy brain still going on. No MS to speak of yet really some nausea but thats about it. I don't expect anything though until around 6weeks.  So all in all good minus the little freak out! lol

Well best get back to the house work!!! 5 weeks tomorrow WOOHOO!!!

4w5d

I am feeling good today.  I have the feeling that bubba is growing strong and I usually have good intuition.  I have definitely learnt to go with those instincts because they usually turn out right!

My bbs are sore again today and I still have the heart burn and always hungry.  Mostly thats about it but really it is so very early still.  Nearly 5 weeks though! YAY! I am going to buy some hpts on my way home, I wouldn't mind testing again.  Most of the time I don't even feel pregnant its just nice to see those reassuring lines.

I will get to have some bloods early next week which is good.  I think the results will come back all good but I just like to see those figures.  Have to book in for my first scan on Monday too.  I have left it a little no point booking in too early.  Hoping to get in on the 24th. 7w1d! apparently thats 17days away! hehe. Love those desktop tickers. 50days till bubba is safe!!!!!

Apparently today according to my little day by day guide mum's blood volume begins to increase!!  Interesting!

Its will also be interesting to see.  Ever since the morning I saw those two lines I have been thinking a boy. Wonder if it will be! I would be over the moon with either.  only 35 weeks till I found out lol!

Well time for an early lunch. 4hour till home time! WHOOHOO!!!

4w4d ramblings

Wow seriously tired just doesn't cut it this morning. I need a stronger word. I feel like I have been hit by a bus! A friend said she didn't get any morning sickness but just had a hangover feeling every day. hmm guess this is what she meant. 

Feeling good again today. CM has finally arrived. I've had been fairly dry but also really dehydrated. Being back at work I drink more due to the air con so yep CM is here. My bbs are still sore, not excessively today like they have been but I have been pregnant before and they have grown two sizes since all this began, figure they don't really have much more growing to do. The nipples are really painful now. Can't even touch them, so I figure thats another good sign. 

So I am going off that I will get to keep my baby and he/she will be here in September. Thats so exciting! But going by that I will probably take maternity leave from early/mid aug and I will go part time from mid June. I have enough holidays that I can just use them and ensure that I still get my full maternity leave. Would be annoying to work full time for nearly 4 years at this job and then drop part time in the last few months and get reduced maternity leave. 

So thats a little exciting too. Although my job is OK and I love the girls I work with I am not challenged here anymore. I have thought about changing jobs many times but when TTC you want to stick around so you get leave entitlements. 

Found out yesterday that our God son's christening is on the 17th April. Thats VERY exciting! I will be 19weeks then! I would be so good to not have to work and the days would just fly by, I only want to get to the 27th Feb! lol but I am not sure how long I would last at home without getting bored. 4weeks is probably the max I could do. I would be able to get so much done though! 

So I might sound like I am completely rambling, well I am. One of the biggest things for me and it was the same as last time is this foggy brain thing. Just general tasks I really struggle with. I couldn't focus when driving this morning, getting ready in the morning is a real challenge. I loose everything. All of this is very abnormal for me. The funny thing is well its not actually funny but I can pin point the exact day my baby died last time. I was working in the biosafety cabinet at work, and I was working efficiently my mind was clear. I knew something wasn't right from that moment. I remember the exact moment the thought ran through my head! When I went for the scan and she told me my baby had died at 6w3d I counted back and yep sure enough it was that day! 

It been so long since those pregnancies but being pregnant again has resurfaced all those things that happened. I remember everything like it was yesterday. So much of it I had forgotten about. 
OK more rambling coming  now many of you that read this blog already know my story but I am getting it out again because I feel I need to. 

for the first pregnancy, I remember the first pregnancy test I did and getting that positive, being so blissfully happy, because I didn't know my dates the Dr sent me for a dating scan. Lying there on the bed thinking I was 7w5d. The technician finding bubs but having that concerned look on her face. Having to do an internal and saying she couldn't find a heart beat but saying it was early it just might not be there yet. But I knew better I was measuring a week out. I remember getting dressed I felt so numb, walking out of the scan place and just falling to pieces. I have never ever cried so much in my life. I waited an hour for the results and then I had to go see my Dr. I can still see the letters FDIU!!!! I had never seen them before but I knew straight away it mean fetus died in utero. I was guttered. it was the 12th Nov 2009. After that it was a blur. had my 27th birthday two days later then appointments and surgery etc. 

I then joined BH and joined the miscarriage support threads. They helped me so much. Then my Dec cycle is when things really got messy. I ovulated late, I was charting so I had my normal temp rise on CD14 (although now I know I normally ovulate CD13) but then it rose again on CD18. I wasn't worried too much as AF arrived on time on CD27. BDing a few days later I had spotting. I thought hmm weird. Ignored it. 2 days later BDed again some thing. I actually got really upset at this point thinking my cycles were out and I would be out of the running again that cycle. When I finally got my head together, I am not sure what made me actually test but I did a Hpt! OMFG it was positive. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to be excited but I knew it wasn't right. Anyway I spent the next 5 hours at the hospital. I am A Neg DH is Bpos so I needed to get an AntiD injection due to the spotting. I got this very incompetent Dr that was trying to tell me that sperm can cause false positives on pregnancy tests and I would need a blood test. Seriously WTF? Most women know this isn't the case but if a Dr says so they would question it but I know this isn't the case. Being a biomedical scientist I know exactly how a pregnancy test works. Its an Elisa based assay that uses antibodies to detect the hormone hCG. If its not present you wont get a positive. And sperm definitely does NOT contain any hCG hormone. Anyway so I waited for the bloods. Yep hCG 190 at 15DPO not including the AF bleed. So anyway BDing stopped and in turn so did the spotting. the following weekend at what would have been 5 weeks I was doing some house work and getting ready to meet a friend for coffee and I felt an odd pain. I knew straight away that it was over. I knew as soon as I went to the toilet I would see blood. And sure enough I was miscarrying. Went to the Dr, had bloods done and hCG was falling. About a week later I noticed my bbs looked odd. They looked like pregnancy bbs. Again I just knew something was wrong. I knew my hCG was going back up again. I had kept all my hpt's to monitor them getting lighter, so I did another one and compared it. Yep it was darker. Off to the Dr I traveled again, more bloods, and of course I was right hCG was increasing. My poor Dr didn't know what to do to me so he referred me to an OBGYN. I think I am the most interesting cause this Dr has had. I explained my back ground to him, he was very confused by it all. I had monitoring bloods every 2nd day for about 3 months. I had internal ultrasounds every 2nd week for about 2 months. Eventually when they couldn't find anything at all on the ultrasound and my hCG was doubling the Dr rushed me in for emergency surgery because the only explanation was an ectopic. That was very scary because its can be a life threatening problem. It all came back clear though so we kept monitoring bloods. Eventually it slowed down and wasn't doubling anymore so the Dr rang me and told me the pregnancy wasn't viable. That was the 6th Feb 2010. Again I was gutted. Although I knew in my heart it wasn't right you have to hold some sort of hope, its the only way you can get through. I went home that afternoon and since I had been on an exercise ban from the Dr I decided to go for a run to clear my head. I was so angry I ran so hard and for so long and I made it really really hurt, I wanted to run away from the pain run away from all the sadness and hurt. 

Anyway that night at 9pm the pain started. I ran to the toilet and the bleeding begun. I had never seen or felt anything like it. I had bled before and had the cramps but this was about 10thousand times worse! The clots were the size of my hand and every time I passed one I would have contraction like cramps. I couldn't get off the toilet because I was bleeding so much so I by 1:15am I was considering going to the hospital. But at 1:30 I passed a clot and I just knew it was over. I went to bed for a couple of hours but had to be up at 4:30 am so I could get to work. I had an appointment with my OBGYN that afternoon for an injection of methotrexate. I had been put into a category of pregnancy of unknown location and although I bled so heavily the night before I had bled before and it hadn't removed all the pregnancy tissue. 

After that my hCG fell really dramatically. We had to have a 3 month break to let the methotrexate get out of my system. Once we started trying again we thought we would fall pregnant easily has we had twice before both times we tried. 7 months down the track and nothing. Again I knew something wasn't adding up! Everyone just kept telling me to give it time. I am really in tune with my body, and when I don't think somethings right then its not. Finally my OBGYN after trying his basic artillery of fertility meds referred me to an IVF specialist. He was a lovely man but thought we should wait till April 2011 when we had been back TTC for 12months. I wasn't happy with this so he agreed to go back and do some very basic tests. He said there is a possibility that the tubes could have become blocked from the miscarriages but it was very unlikely at about a 1% chance. He sent me for a dye test and low and behold my right tube was 100% blocked!!!!! 

I had surgery to clear it on the 13th Dec and on the 19th we conceived this little peanut that I can carrying now. 

Going through all of that as I said feels like it was all yesterday. Its so clear in my mind! I am feeling much better about this little one but I know things can change in a day. I also know that if anything is going to happen I can't stop it. I am just hoping for me that 3rd time lucky and its about time I had some luck because I have had my fair share of bad luck.

Wow if you made it that far! Enough ramblings for one day!!!

w4d3

So I am going to try to update this everyday, hopefully it will help the time pass. 1 Day at a time!!

Feeling good about things today. Bad bad heartburn, bbs still sore and now growing. Almost time for new bras. those cramps are there but I am not too worried about them.  I know what miscarriage cramps feel like and they are nothing like that. They do how ever get worse when I am tired. Not painful or anything but I do like to lie down. I don't want to stress peanut out even thought at this point it only a bunch of cells starting to move toward an embryo.

I am not worried about a natural miscarriage, more so about a missed miscarriage like the first one.  I know my lining is strong, my progesterone is great etc, so its just that odd chromosome abnormality that might be a problem. There was less than a 1% chance of it happening again but it still a scary thought.

I put in a ticker to the right that has how many days, hours, minutes and seconds until I know peanut is safe! I thought just seeing seconds tick over would help me realise time is actually moving and this feeling that it has stopped is all in my head lol!

Until tomorrow!

4weeks2days

First of all I have to say being back at work is CRAP! lol 12days off seriously just wasn't enough!

On the baby front, well the nerves are really starting to set in . I know there is nothing I can do if something goes wrong but still can't help worrying about every little thing. I am constantly feeling my bbs, undie watching etc. I feel good about it but definitely nervous. PLease Please please little peanut stick! 

my bbs amped up a notch today they are really sore. They haven't grown much but its still so very early. cramps are there high on the left. These cramps always worry me even though I had the first time around. Its not AF cramps, not even close, but because of where it is in the back of my mind I think ectopic. Which again is silly because I am pretty certain I ovulated on the right and the cramps are always on the left. They aren't bad or anything just there. 

My heartburn is stronger as well today. I know that is just going to get worse and worse. I am going to get something from the Dr if I can this time though. I have it really bad without being pregnant so being pregnant just burns like crazy all the time. I can handle it and don't mind it being there but I can't help but think its doing permanent damaged.

I have to tell the girls at work today. I don't have a choice. Working in a lab we work with chemicals that can be toxic to unborn babies. So I need to stay away from them and the girls also need to let me know before they use them so I can leave the lab for 20mins. 

I heard back from my OBGYN (Dr A) yesterday. He is happy for me to come in at around 7 weeks. I wanted to make it the Thurs of that week but its DH's 30th Birthday and the day before is a public holiday so I might have to bring it forward to the Monday or Tuesday. Of course I am hoping for wonderful news but if its not I don't want to ruin DH's birthday! 

well slowly the days will tick by! I just really hope the symptoms amp up even more so I know bubba is OK.

well best get to work!

yep definitely UTD

So but more relief its not a chemical pregnancy! YAY!!!! lol yep always in the back of the mind when getting a positive so early. I tested again this morning and it was nice, dark and heavy. It is a relief I have to say.

I also took a belly pic this morning for 4w1d :) its hard to take it on timer.

I am going to enjoy this pregnancy the way it should be.  After a miscarriage the innocence of pregnancy is lost, but its a choice you make. You can make it a negative experience or you can accept things and move on.  I know I can't stop anything from happening if its going to happen, but I can enjoy the journey and hope that everything will turn out for the best. and if it doesn't then I will deal with it then, I am not going to dwell on those possibilities.

On another note its back to work tomorrow. YUK! At least this time I can be thinking I will be going on maternity leave mid August!

Well lots to do best go do it! :)

The year is off to a great start

Well 2011 is definitely starting great let's hope it stays that way. Been up the sunny coast again for a few days. Would be so nice to move there. Plated golf this morning omg it was so hot. It's also been an age since I played last so it took me a bit to get going but by the end it was all pars and bogeys.

Baby wise things seem good. Bbs are really sore heart burn is a shocker, still have the cramps high on the left.oh and although it's really early nausea it's definitely about. I haven't done another hpt yet I want to keep the last one I have left until tomorrow but I did find an old ovulation test. The test line is about double the darkness of the control line figure that's a good sign for 14dpo. Will also contact dr A tomorrow on how he wants things done. I want to wait till 7 weeks to get a scan but with my history I might not be able to. Hope so though too early you can't see anything and it's a waste of time and normally just adds more stress.

Well till tomorrow fingers crossed. But I feel ok about it all really which is really really good.