wow its been a while

So its been a while since I posted. Been so flat out busy. Work is slave driving me. 5am starts which means 4am get ups, 12 hours days. pfft I am exhausted. Only 2 more days to go of it. Then on the weekend I painted the spare room and did all the chores. On holidays next week for 2 weeks! yay can't come fast enough!

So where am I at. Really happy and content with life really. Started acupuncture and its great. He is fantastic and its awesome that he has such a back ground in fertility. Getting in and doing more renovating is really lifting my spirits. I have also been running every day which always makes me feel great! Even after a 12hour day it helps to re-energise me.

TTC wise thought I was having a doggy cycle but I have been getting up at 4am some mornings 5am others, so I went through and adjusted my temp today and it looks better. May have ovulated on Saturday so might be in the TWW again. Not too worried about it this time though. Don't have a testing day or anything like that. Its going to be nice that I am on holidays when AF is due to arrive when ever that is. Some good news would be nice this month though. See how we go.

Not sure if I posted this last time but DH was tested and his swimmers are all happy!

Guess thats about it! Off to get stuck wish some more needles! hehehe!

Moving forward

So DH went and got friendly with a cup today! haha poor guy. But the good news is his swimmers are perfectly fine. So as suspected its me that has the problem. I am still thinking perhaps its just my body being completely overloaded with what happened. Two miscarriages back to back, one lasting 3 months has to take its toll. So as of tomorrow I start acupuncture. There is a clinic just near me that specialises in infertility, IVF and pregnancy. He seems fantastic. Asked me what CD I was on. I was like CD8 and he was like right have to get you in ASAP so we can catch this cycle too!!!

So I have to start work at 5am again tomorrow, but it isn't too bad. I have managed it today and although I am a little tired it is all for the greater cause and I am more than happy to put in the extra effort.

Nothing much else to report today. Really looking forward tomorrow I really think this might help get my body back into balance.

LOVE WEEKENDS!

So finally the weekend. WOW what a monstrous week! seriously wondered if it would ever end!

But it is a beautiful weekend and at this point I don't know what to do. I was going to go for a hike this morning but we had a turn of events so some chilaxing is on the cards.

Ok so the turn of events. I emailed Dr A about it this morning because I am hoping its nothing but I do know my body well and if something doesn't feel right I should go with my instincts. It started after the D&C. I get a sharp pain on the left of what I assume must be my uterus. I feel it after ovulation and it gets worse when I get AF. Never had this before the D&C. It was REALLY evident in the last miscarriage, didn't think it was anything major then because I thought it was just something happening from that miscarriage. So each month its there, hurts a bit, I ignore and it tell myself its nothing and I am fine! Well this cycle, AF finished yesterday, but this morning the pain was really strong and painful, got up out of bed and had rush of brown old stuff then bright red blood. Totally abnormal for me! So I bit the bullet and emailed Dr A because I am wondering and hoping it isn't anything to do with the problems we are having now! There is nothing I want to hear more than, everything is perfectly fine,your uterus and tubes are wonderfully healthy, DH has wonderful sperm, its just a matter of time. That I can handle.

So I booked in for the ultrasound but the earliest they could get me in was the 6th of September but thats 8DPO and I am not sure that a good time to get the scan done so I ask Dr A if I should just hold off till next cycle.

Well when I hear back from Dr A I will update. Till then enjoy this beautiful day oh and don't forget to vote. I am not a great liker of Abbott he has said some dumb things but seriously at least it was real and how he felt, but OMG I can't stand Gillard! Nothing genuine or caring about her at all. A puppet thats all she is! So don't think I can handle listening to her condescending tone for how ever many years she would be in parliament for!

CD4

So how am I holding up? OK but my mild is still pondering this intrauterine scaring!

AF is still heavy? Hoping its what my body needed to get back on track.

But I did some Dr Googling and before I start I have to say I am thinking I may not have these scars.

Intrauterine scaring after a D&C is referred to as Asherman's syndrome.

Asherman's syndrome (AS), also called "uterine synechiae" or intrauterine adhesions (IUA), presents a condition characterized by the presence of adhesions and/or fibrosis within the uterine cavity due to scars. A number of other terms have been used to describe the condition and related conditions including: traumatic intrauterine adhesions, uterine/cervical atresia, traumatic uterine atrophy, sclerotic endometrium, endometrial sclerosis. In this article AS and IUA are used interchangeably.

Trauma to the basal layer, typically after a dilation and curettage (D&C) performed after a miscarriage, or delivery, or for elective abortion, can lead to the development of intrauterine scars resulting in adhesions that can obliterate the cavity to varying degrees. In the extreme, the whole cavity can be scarred and occluded. Even with relatively few scars, the endometrium may fail to respond toestrogens and rests. Often, patients experience secondary menstrual irregularities characterized by changes in flow and duration of bleeding (amenorrhea, hypomenorrhea, or oligomenorrhea)^[1] and becomeinfertile. Menstrual anomalies are often but not always correlated with severity: adhesions restricted to only the cervix or lower uterus may block menstruation. Pain during menstruation and ovulation is also sometimes experienced and can be attributed to blockages.

OK so now you have some back ground I did a search on the symptoms. All I have is imparied fertility. Nothing else.

Symptoms are: Occluded cervix uteri, Absence of menstruation, Repeated abortions, reduced menstrual flow, Impaired fertility, Amenorrhea, Uterine scarring, uterine adhesions, cramping, abdominal pain.

I haven't had any more cramping than usual. I do have a bit of cramping high on the left after ovulation that I never used to have before the D&C so perhaps something to mention to the Dr. But due to the lack of all of that if i did have some scarring it must be minimal. As I said AF is actually heavy not absent or reduced.

So after reading all that I do feel a bit better about it. Still to have this ultrasound next Thursday and DH is getting his tests done on Monday. An ultrasound isn't really any good at finding scaring but its a start and if we have no Luck this cycle then we are off to see Professor B.

CD3

So just plodding along. AF is fairly heavy but thats OK, not really bothering me at all. Cramps are there a little but nothing to write home about. So Dr A is sending me a form for an ultrasound, once that form comes in I will probably go next Thursday and get that done. Get it done just before ovulation around next weekend. Thursdays are normally a bit quieter here to so that makes it easier to leave early.

On another note really looking forward to the weekend. Saturday morning I am finally going to get up early and head down to my favorite spot for a hike/run. Its 9km of wonderful bush and I can take the dogs. I used to do it all the time but I haven't been in years. Friday night I have dinner with the Family for mum's birthday. The Saturday night DH and I are going out to dinner to this restaurant that I have wanted to go to for ages. Australian cuisine! YUM!

then in 2 weeks I am having 2 weeks off! OMG I am so looking forward to that. We are going camping on Straddie for 4 days. Should be nice and quiet. Going to the 4wd access only area. Then coming home and I am going to chill out for the rest of the time. Catch up with friends and just do NOTHING! lol I don't think that will actually happen. I have trouble doing absolutely nothing. But hey I can try.

Work is nearly over for another day! WHOOHOO hump day is over for another week!

Worried

So I heard back from Dr A regarding the mysterious spot. He had forwarded the query onto a collegue at a fertility/IVF clinic. He suggested laparoscopy/hysteroscopy to exclude hydrosalpinx and intrauterine lesions. Dr A just wants an ultrasound to start with as the Lap showed nothing at the beginning of the year to indicate hydrosalpinx and we have to rule out intrauterine lesions. DH and I discussed this last night and decided we will get DH tested this month and if we still have no luck then we will move into more tests for me next month if we he is fine and we have no luck.

So I emailed this to Dr A this morning but something must have him worried because he ignored what I said and said he will refer me for the ultrasound and if we have no luck this cycle he will refer me onto the Dr at the fertility/IVF clinic for ongoing management.

So now I am worried! :( Intrauterine lesions can be completely infertility and even IVF is pointless. Now I just want to cry. That is true infertility and I will look at suing the Dr who did the D&C if she fucked me up! Sorry for the swearing but this warrants it!

CD1

Well I think its CD1. AF hadn't started this morning but I definitely know its on the way. I am actually completely OK with it though. A little disappointed of course but thats it. My hormones seem to be back to normal and I feel like me again. Not consumed by TTC and not all over the place due to synthetic hormones and medications. Its a nice feeling.

So we have decided to get DH checked. Dr A will send out a SA form and DH gets to go get friendly with a cup!!! hahahaha. Sorry poor guy but its nice to get one back every now and again. The million tests we have to go through most of them 10times more uncomfortable and embarrassing than a cup. And I have to pick it up and drop it off! Sook! lol

On the up side, I had a perfect 28day cycle! Ovulated perfectly on time and had beautiful post ovulation temps. Something I have asked Dr A about because it something I have only ever noticed in the last 3 months and it has got me thinking! Each month around 10-12DPO I have noticed tiny small red dots. They are slightly smaller than the size of a pin head. They aren't blood but they are a redy pinky colour. So I am really hoping I am way off base but I was wondering if they were fertilised eggs that haven't been able to implant. I know unfertilised eggs are just reabsorbed but what happens to the fertilised ones that can't implant? Are they just discharged? I noticed 3 in June, 5 in July and only 1 this month.

I really hoping I am wrong here but what happens if all the stuff that happened caused some scaring or something that is affecting implantation? What if the woman that did the D&C did something wrong? :( Anyway I have asked Dr A what he think. Hopefully he says thats impossible and everything should be fine!

well best get stuck into things for a Monday morning! WHOOHOO!!!

13DPO temp rise

So interesting thing - my temp went back up this morning! I did a test and it was negative so two theories are possible! 1. I am not pregnant and my body and the universe are in this together to play what they think are fun little games! 2. I am pregnant and its just too early to detect the hcg yet!

My bbs are still really sore this morning and for AF to be here tomorrow that is a little odd. But can't say there is anything normal when TTC.

So tomorrow will be interesting! At least it is the weekend, I find the waiting game so much easier on the weekend!!!!

DH

Finally the weekend!!!! YAY!!! seriously came around so slowly!

So today I realised how hard this is hitting DH. I knew he wanted kids but he is devastated that again this month we weren't lucky. As its still affecting me I am not sure how to tell him it will all be OK we just have to keep battling on!

Poor guy wish for many many reasons we could move on with this journey. I am actually OK with no falling pg this cycle. Its a shame and it means we will be at this for another month, and we will be able to check the whole 12month TTC thing off!

So if some how a miracle happens tomorrow morning and my temp comes back up I will test tomorrow but I definitely don't see that happening!!! For some strange reason my bbs are still really sore :( they might settle down tomorrow if AF is due Sunday. Since the D&C I have not been able to pick what my body is doing at all and that is so frustrating! I used to be able to pick it so easily. I knew exactly what it was doing. I thought I was getting better as I knew I was ovulating this month thats why I did an opk early and it came up positive. but since then I have no idea. my intuition was honestly telling me we were pregnant. But nope so off base!

Have to put some thought into how to cheer DH up, and give him some hope that one day we will be pregnant again and we will have a baby.

another month bites the dust

So Temp drop this morning, so another month bites the dust. You know what I am OK with it. I know too many people around me who just got their bfp and honestly I don't want to be the one thats the 1:5 who looses it. I would much prefer a month where I know no one pregnant. Can't guarantee anything because obviously there are still millions of other women pregnant but its harder when there are more people around you.

AF should arrive on Sunday so its an absolutely beautiful cycle. My body is working. :) yay!

Lovely day off

Today was so nice. We tried to go bowling this morning but the rest of the world had the same idea so instead, we came home I cleaned the car, watched a movie and took the car down for a service. Couldn't really fit much in seeing as I slept in until 8:30am and for me that is LATE!!!

So not sure how the symptoms are going. I have cramps high on the left, and some times all the way across the top. The thoughts I am having remind me of the thoughts I had back in October. But I have a different feeling in there as well. Its a sharper feeling. I can imagine the exact spot inside my uterus. I want to think its maybe bubby implanting, but I am wondering if it is more where the baby had been implanted and then removed by the D&C. Maybe it caused a little bit of scare tissue or something.

Other than that I feel like my BBS are really aching! But when I touch them they hurt but not really. Mainly just really aching at the base. Still having the sickness, but was a bit irritable today so that is more AF like!

I am noting these down in dept because this is the first month I am drug free and I had symptoms the last two cycles, very different from these ones and they were obviously drug induced.

1 day to go until testing. I am testing 12DPO my guess is if I haven't had a positive by then its AF. Which I am actually completely OK with. Being off drugs my hormones have settled so I am getting back to being myself and my cycle was great on its own this month so I think its only a matter of time!

hmmm

well i have to say i am definitely looking forward to the public holiday tomorrow. Cramps are rather strong at the moment, and i have a back ache too. so still 6 days out from AF but if things stay this way it may make an early appearance. Still feeling really off in the stomach, put that with some cruel heartburn and i just feel super. May just be that I am so exhausted. Going to sleep in tomorrow and generally take it nice and easy. Supposed to be raining too so perfect for a relaxing day. Might pop out in the morning and pick up some new books to read.

I actually feel like a nice warm bath but our bath here is in our spare bathroom and its so not relaxing. Still has the original 1980's design and has hot red vanity top and shower edging. That is high on our list for renovating!! but yeah not exactly a great place to go and relax in a nice long bath!!! A hot shower will have to do instead! hmmm warmth!

SO EXCITED

SO I got an email before my shirts have been shipped! So I should get them by the weekend. I don't know if I am going to get my positive then but if I do I can do my little surprise for DH!

Odd

OK so I know its WAY to early to be feeling anything much, so I have to put it down to something else but I am feeling really sick lately. I had more sleep last night which was good, but my tummy is still really off today. Just feels really queesy. its different to the m/s I had the first time, which was just ill when I hadn't eaten. This is all the time. I feel like if I don't take it easy I will throw up. Very strange. If I turn out to be UTD wow that was early on set!

That and my BBS are weird sore. they aren't sore all over yet, but I keep getting these really strong stabbing pains in them. Maybe just the progesterone having a play with them.

But the Ginger drink I have seems to settle it well. while I am drinking it anyway. Been having a ton of them everyday lol! Have to go grab some more tomorrow.

YAY public holiday!!! So excited! Days off are so good! Not sure what I will do yet, chill a bit sounds nice though.

well off to work!

Ahh MONDAY!

I love Mondays!!!! NOT! Agh I had no sleep last night, added to that I feel sick again this morning :( had trouble keeping my breakfast down. simply because I am so tired! What is it with no sleep on Sunday nights! BOO!!!! :(

So on an exciting note I bought some shirts this morning for when I do find out i am UTD! I want to surprise DH this time, so I got a "Daddy to be" shirt for him and a "Baby on board" shirt for me :)

So plan would be to wrap his and when I POAS and see the positive I will pop my shirt on and a jumper over the top (hoping it we find out in winter that is!!) and then jump back into bed and give him his pressy! When he opens it as he sees it take off my jumper at the same time so he can see my shirt!!! and BAM!!! happy surprise!

Problem is it takes 5-10 business days to get here after manufacture so now I am worried they wont make it on time. I am really hoping this Saturday is it for me. I have a really good feeling. My intuition is usually really good, but I have been wrong before so who knows.

Seriously though could do with a longer weekend sometimes. But best get back to work only 7 hours to go!!!

Good feelings

I have to say I am feeling really good at the moment. Really positive and happy. I don't know if we will get lucky this month but even if we aren't I know I will be OK. I have good feelings that we may get lucky but if we don't it doesn't matter. I have spent so much of the last year since my m/c wrapped up in all the negativity surrounding TTC. I am not feeling any of that anymore.

I guess I ultimately feel lucky. I have plan B which is IUI and IVF, I don't think we will get to that but the plan is there anyway. But I heard from a TTC friend yesterday. It had been a while and I just wanted to check in and see how she was going. She had 3 m/c :( poor thing. But she had a heap of bloods done after the last one and they all came back clear. So she had genetic testing done. So has a genetic disorder where she only has 45 Chromosomes not 46. :( my heart just broke for her when I read that. its apparently 1in 1300 which is really rather common which is scary.

She found out her mother and brother have it to. So for her to be able to have a healthy baby she has to go through IVF genetic selection and then match it up with one of her DH's swimmers. Its going to be a hard road ahead for them and heart goes out to them both.

Things like that make me realise how lucky I am. No matter how hard you may think you have it someone else is always having a much worse day! :(

On another note I watched SATC2 and the back up plan again last night. Two fantastic wonderful girlie movies! Was wonderful to spend some girlie time with my sister. Don't get to see her much anymore as she lives interstate. But she has finally met a man and they are talking about being engaged by the end of the year and married next year. I am so excited for her. Its about time she met the man for her. And he seems wonderful. We always knew once she met the right one it would be a whirl wind relationship. So looks like my kids will have cousins from my family around the same age. YAY!

We had a joke about her falling pregnant before me. She was like oh no i wouldn't do that to you! I just said she was an idiot. I would be so ecstatic if she fell pregnant. That would make me so very very happy. Just because we have had a shit journey doesn't mean people should have to tip toe around us. I have dealt with my cards and moved on. I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone EVER! so nothing would make me happier if she fell pregnant and carried to full term. I would love a little niece or nephew.

Well enough blabble for one Sunday best get ready to head out for a nice sunday morning breaky and the markets.

Sick

I have no idea why I insist on punishing myself but why do I come to work when I am feeling so unwell. Not sure what it is. Feels like my stomach is in one big knot. It comes and goes in waves. Feels like I am going to throw up, then I am OK for a bit then all over again. So not nice! And I have a smashing headache to go with it. I had a dream I drank a cup of black tea last night surely that shouldn't be sufficient to give me a migraine!!! lol

I worry about getting sick at points like this because I wonder if it impacts on possible implantation and things. Nothing I can do about it of course, but still annoying.

not sure I will last much longer here, maybe an hour.

Oh and the other thing. Stabby pains in my left BBS! whats that about. and they hurt when pressure is applied. I only know this because I am baby sitting my mum's two dogs and her maltese shitsu is a complete space invader so lying in bed he gets up on my chest wanting a pat and cuddle. Its so painful though I have to push him off. I know its nothing I am only around 5DPO. but seriously what is the universe doing playing all these games.

Weird thing is I remember the first time I was pregnant I pretty much knew straight away. Took ages for me to get a positive test though. Would be nice for it to be this month. An April baby would be nice.

Been having dreams of me being pregnant lately. Nice big belly bump. So vivid and long. I am having them so often I wake up and it feels weird to not have a massive belly. Hopefully soon though. Must be my subconscious tagging along with my constant conscious thoughts.

Well best get some work done so I can go home! :( at least its Friday and I have an awesome weekend planned. My sister is up for a course so she is staying at ours on Saturday night, DH is away at a mates so we are going to have a girlie and watch some typical chick flicks!

we have lift off

Very happy today. I have definitely ovulated, happened either CD13 or 14. I had what I think was EWCM yesterday, although it was a little more creamy so it may have been yesterday or the day before.

Why so happy, well I ovulated all by myself at the perfect time. Even if I don't fall pg this cycle, I am so very relieved that finally my body is working again. I am what I would say 1 or 2 day DPO and my temp is already 36.58 so it is creeping up to a nice decent temp.

so the only thing that would make things even better this month would be to see a positive in 13days. Heres to hoping! :)