12w1d

So I am feeling really apprehensive today its probably because I am extremely tried, ms is back and I still have that monster headache.

Thing is I have passed the 12week mark and I am not excited.  I am too scared about Wednesday.  I wish the scan was today. Wed feels so far away.  I know peanuts heart rate is sitting at 165 which is perfect for now but i am so scared I wont see what everyone else is seeing.  Everyone is saying they are seeing a little baby moving and turning and kicking, waving sucking thumb etc.  I know peanut was growing perfect and there should be no reason why it still isn't but its being back that fear of that first scan i ever had.  The excitement of seeing our little peanut for the first time.

I think its because I have passed that 12week mark.  I am expecting things to be fine.  I am excited to see how much peanut has developed but what if it hasn't? What if what I am hearing on the doppler isn't true? what if something is wrong?  I will get crushed again.

Oh man I am tired. lol

I am not announcing it until after this scan. But it does feel like so long away and its only 1day 11 hours to go!

Oh man I hope I get better sleep tonight! Seriously can't function!

OMG 12 Weeks

as the title says OMG 12 weeks! We actually made it. It honestly just feels so surreal. 

I have been really sick today so perhaps thats lowered the excitement level from me. I woke up with more ms and my headache has been a real shocker. I can't seem to knock it  panadol just doesn't cut it. I used to suffer with migraines really bad until I found they were caused by Tannin in black tea and red wine. Haven't had a migraine for about 2 years. Since I have been pregnant this is about the 3rd time. Normally I can just sleep use ice packs or heat packs depending on where the headache is sitting and it all helps. Today not so much. Seems to just be getting worse and worse. 

I think once I pass the scan on Wednesday this might actually start to feel real. I am excited that we have hit the 12week mark, just hurting with this headache!

11w6d

Well while I wait for my ipod to charge so I have something to listen to while I mop and vaccum I thought I would do a bit of an update. 

11w6d. Tomorrow is the big 12weeks! OMG could this actually be happening. It still feels so surreal. Even now after TTC for so long, 16months in the end I still get jealous when I see pregnancy announcement even though it will be me soon. I am waiting till after my scan on Wednesday but I am excited. Tested peanuts heart beat this morning still 165 so surely nothing can happen in the last day? 

I have been thinking long and hard about the FB announcement. I know how much it hurts for people who have been TTC for a long time. I was thinking something along the lines of

"After a very long journey we are happy to announce that the stalk has finally decided to deliver our first little Cherub. ETA 11th Sept. Yep sorry Johnson's yet another birthday in September!!! We are so excited!"

That way people can see we weren't one of the lucky ones who just fell pregnant and if they too are struggling they might contact me and find support and hopefully inspiration that it too will happen for them one day. 

I have no problem discussing our fertility issues if someone asks. I know it can be very taboo to talk about but I know it happens to so many women and I really don't think people should feel they have to be ashamed of it and keep it secret. If any one judges you for having problems or doesn't support you then they aren't truly friends. 

Tomorrow I enter the 2nd trimester. I seriously never ever thought this day would come. I honestly can't believe it. I haven't been anywhere near the nursery in so long I went in there this morning and went wow this is now real! 

The ms is still there a bit, don't throw up as much as what I was but I still just feel really sick and hung over all day. oh and the tiredness. thats hard work. I can't remember what if felt like to have energy! 

So as of this afternoon I am finally going to start walking again. I have put on weight, I honestly don't care, the only the that made me not as sick was heavy carb meals so thats what I ate. But I want to stay healthy for this bub. Pre-eclampsia is in my family so now that the ms should start subsiding I want to make sure I eat really well and get in some light exercise every day. Bub deserves the best start to life I can give it so thats what I am going to do! 

I want to also start pilates so that I can bounce back after the birth well. We can't afford for me to go to classes so I am just going to get a DVD and try to do it regularly. 

I am actually excited now that I just might be having a baby. From tomorrow I can say I am having a baby! WOW 

Well ipod is charged watch out house here I come!!!

belly pic

So its been a while since I have posted a belly pic.  I placed it to the right again above the 4 week one.  As you can see its very rounded but 99% of that would simply be bloat.  But I can't hide it thats for sure! Definitely time for some new tops. I would love to say I am pushing my belly out but thats it I can't suck it in! Looks like a balloon that I need to pop hahahahahaha!!!

Also these are the booties I bought. Very cute hey.

Got peanuts heart beat straight away again this arvo.  I love hearing it! Well thats it just wanted to update with a few pics :)

11w3d

Only 4 more days to go! and even more exciting is things are moving forward now.  I had my NT bloods done this morning.  It isn't much but its so exciting.  Took over an hour as the place was busy but its OK.  I was a little worried as I was so sick this morning.  couldn't stop throwing up. But I ate something in the car on the way there and had some juice and I was all fine! :)

Found peanut on the Doppler in 2seconds flat last night.  That was a nice relief.  Still sitting at 165! Its scary to think that this might actually be happening!

11w2d

Tiredness doesn't really explain it this morning.  I went to bed early last night but today I am really really tired and completely exhausted. I am really shaky, I thew up this morning, my head hurts. To top it off its a busy day today! Why is it always the way? I just can't seem to function at all.  my mind is working at about 30% of where it usually does and at about 10% of the speed! I feel utterly useless!

Having some funny pains this morning.  I think its just bad gas lol but they are still there and I don't like any form of pain.  Peanut has been hard to get on the doppler the last day or so.  Thats worrying me a bit.  it seems to be sitting low and deep. The heart beat when I finally get it is strong and still up around 165, but in my mind peanut should be getting bigger and easier to hear.  To add to that i have been hearing some very funny gurgling sounds on the doppler last night and this morning.  Probably this gas pains that I am feeling but all this new stuff in the past couple of days has my mind racing. Its been far too long since I have seen peanut.  Yes I can hear a heart beat and its nice and strong and where it should be but I start thinking things like what if peanut is growing to size? what if its not forming properly? I still have 8 days before I get to see it again.

anyway i am rambling and struggling to make sense of stuff.  I just have to get through the day!

11w1d

I am currently stuck at work due to some severe thunderstorms so I figured I might as well update :)

So we are 11w1d today.  I honestly can't believe it.  Its still so very surreal! 5d and a few hours to go.  I really never thought this time would come.  I am still very nervous that something could happen in this last week but I am getting a little bit excited! I bought my first little actual baby thing at shopping on Sunday.  I bought some little baby booties.  They are so cute.  little yellow ones.  I have bought bigger things but nothing specific before.  That got me a little more excited.

I have started checking peanuts heart beat twice a day.  I know there is absolutely nothing I can do if it stops and I can't hear it anymore but hearing it does put my pacing mind at ease. A little!

So I am definitely more bloated now.  I know bubs is only two inches big so its not all bub but there is a noticeable change.  I am not skinny these days by any means lol but I never normally put weight on my belly and its definitely rounder.  I am waiting until after my scan next week before I go and buy some new clothes.  The pants I have a fine but the tops are a little tighter and you can definitely notice the podgy belly lol.  Lucky no one would be game enough to ask if I am pregnant! hahahahaha

1w 2d until I can announce it.  We will do the ring around to the remaining family and friends first and then I will probably put it on facebook.

MS wise I threw up a couple of times on Saturday afternoon but mainly that has subsided and I just feel tired and hung over ALL the time.  Headaches are still pretty bad but I don't think they will go away now.

Had a really really busy weekend.  Had a baby shower on Saturday afternoon.  That was OK. They served sandwiches and things but all had stuff on it pregnant women couldn't eat. Like ham or cold chicken. Stupid! Anyway spent all Sat morning baking a cake for my sisters 30th Birthday party.  I will post some pictures of the Novelty cake I did.  Not bad for my first attempt but I do have a long way to go hahaha! Saturday night was the actual cocktail party.  It went really well.  Wasn't as much because I couldn't drink but it was still good.  I would rather be pregnant and not drink any day :)

Finally got to sleep around 1:30am, I was so exhausted so I actually spent 3/4 sunday sleeping.  I just couldn't seem to wake up at all!  Then this morning I woke up feeling like it was me that had gotten into all those cocktails lol!

Well thats enough babbling for another day.  Bring on SUNDAY!!!!

Slowly does it!

Tick tock tick tock. seriously some days I do wonder if time could possibly go any slower!

I have had two massive busy days at work.  Having a head cold hasn't helped.  The ms has been OK which is good, but I still just want to crawl into bed at all times.

Biggest thing for me these days is hunger.  I am ALWAYS starving! If I don't eat that is when I start to feel sick. The weight has been creeping on but thats OK I don't mind.  In a couple of weeks after my scan I will get into daily walking.  I want to stay healthy for bubs, it will be good for all of us to go for a daily walk. I was walking at the start of the pregnancy but I was getting to tired so I took some time off.  Poor dogs are desperate for a walk.  two weeks well less than that now and I can start.

Only 1 week and 2 days till that elusive 12week mark! Still feels so so so FAR away. lol  But it will be hear before I know it.  Only 1 more working week.

I have my sisters 30th tomorrow night.  I spent all last night baking a cake.  She absolutely loves her prized ss holden ute.  Its an awesome purple. So I baked her a ute cake.  Its a long way from perfect but for my first fondant cake with a ton of detail I am rather proud! I will post some pictures up once its all complete.  I have some more painting to do on it tonight!

Other than that I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow.  This couple tried for a very long time for this bub, and finally its on the way.  It was around 3 years with lots of complications, failed IVF thinking they were completely infertile, she went in had it all really well cleaned out (she had lots of scaring and fluid in her tubes from PID due to a bad insertion of merina (sp?)) they ended up falling pregnant naturally after this clean out! GREAT NEWS.

Other than that nothing much else happening. Oh except that on sunday I will be 11 weeks!!! YAY! EXCITING. well see I really want to get excited I REALLY do but I am still toooooooo scared to.  I know it only takes 1 day for things to change.  ms has been good the last few days I haven't even dry reached today. So of course that gets me scared. DH's brother is here at the moment so I can't get the Doppler out.  I feel like everything is OK, but with another miscarriage today in the Sept due date thread it all hits home! :(

Trying to stay as positive as I can though.  Bring on Wednesday 2nd!

10w3d

So this post might be all over the place I am a little tired today.  Turns out I have a cold.  it explained why I was so exhausted yesterday and couldn't function.  I went home at lunch time and slept through until 5:30pm, got up for a few hours cause DH made me, then went back to bed about 9pm.  My throat was really sore so I had trouble sleeping through the night but it isn't too bad today, just the really stuffy head!

I really just want the next 1 and a half weeks to be over.  I want to stop worrying.  I know there are new things to think about once you pass the 12week mark but at least that first hurdle is out of the way.  I feel like its taking FOREVER to get here.  Some moments I think wow just 1 1/2 weeks to go, then I think OMG I am only 10w3d!

Peanuts heart rate is sitting about 170 now so all seems to be developing as it should.  I don't have any cramping, no blood, ms is there, tiredness is there, boobs are sore, so its all pointing towards great things.  I just need the next 2 weeks to fly by. I would happily sleep them away.

I know once this cold is gone I will stop feeling miserable and be happy again.  At this point though I am so tired and exhausted the next two week feel like they are going to be massive to get through.

I am off work today, but its the first sick day I have had this whole 1st trimester, and pushing through all the exhaustion and sickness to stay at work is exhausting on its own.  Even today 1 day off and work keeps ringing. Seriously they should be able to handle 1 day! I have to back in tomorrow and Friday as I have meetings.

11weeks on Sunday. I am going to go lie down before my head explodes. stupid cold!

sleeeeep

just when I think the ms is easing back it comes.  I can't stop throwing up this morning.  I am extremely exhausted. My smell is so very very sensitive. So many things make me throw up. The smell of canned dog food, meat cooking, the toilet! YUK!

I honestly don't think I will make it through a day of work today.  I need to go home and sleep.  I will have morning tea then into the lab get that stuff done and I am off home.  Stupid Tuesdays are always so busy though.

go peanut go, the ms still lingering makes me think surely everything is going to be OK! As I said in my last post I feel like everything is going great and peanut is doing super, but thinking that scares me.  I don't want to jinx myself!

I have a few friends making it to the 12week mark this week.  My makeup artist for my wedding and very good friend :) and also my cousin. :) So exciting we all get to have babies so close together.

Well going to fade off into my little foggy brain world now!

10w1d

OMG this final 2 weeks is going to be so slow.  I keep wondering what the chances of having a m/c now that I have heard a nice strong heart beat after 10 weeks.  Most people that I know who don't make it through to 12weeks have had a missed miscarriage and the bub died around 8-9weeks.  I just want this next two weeks to be over.

Its hard wishing time away, I want to really enjoy this pregnancy but at this point it still doesn't seem real.  We haven't bought anything for bub we don't really talk about it too much.

I feel in my gut that this little peanut is perfectly fine and we will get to meet it in Sept, I am just so protective of it and don't want anything to happen to it.  Looking forward to getting to Next Sunday! :)

Still throwing up every day. bbs are sore today.  Other than that just tired and still foggy minded! Oh and ALWAYS STARVING!! lol.  Haven't taken a belly pic for a while. Don't feel like its any bigger but pants are tight!

9w6d

My little peanut reaches double digits tomorrow! :hyper:

I am still really nervous.  seeing miscarriages happen so often is so scary.  We are up to 97 babies in the due it Sept thread.  So far 5 have sadly miscarried.  I went back to August, 91Babies, 13 miscarried.  :no: Thats just so horrible. With it being so close now the thought of loosing it now is terrifying.

I am still really sick.  Peanut throws up any food it doesn't like! It really really hates eggs.  Anything with egg in it, up it comes.  The headaches are really really bad now.  Almost at migraine level.  Last night was a shocker and I had no panodol in the house!  I thought my head was going to explode.  I eventually fell asleep and woke up this morning and it was gone! Its gradually coming back now though.  I am thinking of going and floating in the pool for a while to ease it.

All these thoughts of miscarriage have me checking peanuts HR a bit more often.  I can find it now really easily and within seconds without any pushing.  Its a very reassuring sound! Finding it fast means that I don't have to hold the wand thing there for too long.  I know they say its completely harmless at 3MHz but still the less the better!  Only 2 weeks to go! 2weeks3days until I come out of the pregnancy closet!  Its scary thinking not this week but next Wed I have to go do my NT Bloods!!!!!!! :eek:

So on other news, more stress in my life! I am not talking to my parents. They are being children! Long story short. Dad was just about to start a business with DH. DH resigned from his job and has been working there for about 2 weeks.  Dad decided in this time he wanted to leave my mum but still have access to her half of superannuation so they could get this business off the ground.  Mum got angry at me and DH for going into business with Dad after everything he did to her.  She refused to lend the money (which I can understand) So now business isn't going ahead. DH has to either find new work or go into another business.  All whilst he isn't getting paid, bills and mortgage are due, Baby on the way!  I get a massive pay out from my work in June, and I should get 3 months maternity leave but I was planning to be a SAHM because we want to have a few kids close together.  Unless I have a c-section we wont be using contraction after this one is born.  Its up to Breast feeding to stop me falling pregnant! Anyway, looks like I would have to go back to work after 3 months! GRRR

So I am thinking its finally time to take my photography hobby to more of a professional level.  I love doing portrait photography and it would be a perfect fit.  I have 10 months to get that fully up and running and hopefully if I can bring enough money in from that I wont have to return to my current work.  Being a scientist I have to travel to get work.  Only about an hour away but there is absolutely nothing out my way. :( I don't want to spend that much time away from bub.  I also don't want a day care raising my child.  I know we will work it out and we will make the best of all of this.  I just don't enjoy the stress of it at the time.

DH has never had the opportunity to do anything like this and he is scared, going into business on your own is a massive step.  But I just wish he saw in himself what I see in him.  I know he can do it and I know he will do it exceptionally well.  He will be a wonderful and brilliant father and he will doing a fantastic job at providing for this family.  Its just so daunting sometimes, even I know that.  I have always been a very driven, career minded person that knows what I want and works my a$$ off to get it no matter how far away it seems.  I am trying to build this confidence into DH.  Growing up in a family of 8 kids like he did you kinda blend into the background after a while.

Anyway enough rambling  and my headache is getting worse! Pool time.

Growth Spurt

Well peanut seems to be having another growth spurt.  ms is back in full swing this morning.  I took a maxolon before and now the hard mental battle of trying to stop myself throwing up and so I don't waste it lol.  Other than that i am so tired. I thought I was tired last week, this is on a whole new level.  I actually think I will fall a sleep whilst sitting at some point today! Again I was going to call in sick, my body is telling me it needs sleep but I had a feeling the part time lady would call in sick again and another girl just got back from Singapore and she hasn't been feeling all that well either.  The part time lady might have ross river fever the poor thing.  I have to say I am relieved its not shingles! She is still waiting test results though.

I love it when the weeks tick over and my little ticker on the side shows peanut changing.  I know its still only really tiny but definitely human looking now!

I only have to make it until 3:30 and I can go home! hmm not looking forward to the hour drive home though.  I have one coffee a day but I need it now I can't keep it until just before the drive home. Hopefully the tiredness and fogginess will wear off by then.

I am nearly at double digits! lol I remember thinking that just before my 10th birthday.  10weeks!  Thats a bit exciting! only 2weeks6days to go.  Although we are waiting until the NT scan to tell everyone at least if I hear the heart beat at 12weeks I know peanut is going to be OK! :)  

well best try and do some work!

proud

So peanut was a good baby today.  I found the heart beat and was able to measure it. 180!! YAY!  Mum couldn't be prouder of her little peanut! I tried to record it but it didn't work! oh well next time!

Its so so so hot today.  Time to go for a swim! :)

OMG

I just heard peanuts Heart beat on my doppler for the first time!!!!!!  The flutters where to light for the doppler to count them it kept missing some beats but the sound was unmistakable.  Sounded exactly like during the ultrasound!  I can clearly tell the difference too between bubs and the placenta.  Man peanut moves around though lol.  I read something on BH today a girl said to make sure you bladder is really full and you can hear more in the early stages.  So I tried it and yep it worked!! YAY so excited!

Apparently I can recored it on this doppler.  DH will have to help me with that.  But I will and I will post it on here :) I am so proud of our little peanut, growing so big and strong.  Keep going little one!

8w5d

So my ms has settled down a bit.  Not as much throwing up.   Perhaps only twice a day, mainly just dry reaching.  I do feel constant nausea all day though, and the tiredness has really set in.  its 8:05am and I just want to curl up under my desk and sleep.  I was going to call in sick lucky I didn't I just had a call from our part time lady, she think she may have shingles! OMG! I have never had chicken pox and although I got the vaccine about 18months ago but they can't test to see if you created immunity to it.  which is stupid.  I had the test done to see if i had chicken pox when I was younger, this was after the vaccine and it came up as Negative for immunity.  But in the tiny fine print down the bottom there was a clause, may not pick up immunity if given vaccine.  or something along those lines!

but anyway she is staying home and going to the Dr which is good.  Don't want to catch that if the vaccine didn't work!

Oh the heart burn has gotten really bad.  tums are my best friend at the moment! and the best thing EVER they aren't mint flavour! I hate mint and 99.9% of antacid tablets are mint.  The last think I want when my chest is burning like crazy is to chew on something that tingles my mouth and creates more saliva!

I booked my NT appointment yesterday if I haven't said so already.  I can't remember yesterday!  But its for the 2nd March! Feels like an age away.  But a friend who is still TTC rightly pointed out its only 1 cycle!  22days 15hours till peanut is "Safer"  and 26days6hours until my NT scan and we can announce it!

I finally picked up something on the Doppler last night.  Definitely wasn't peanut, I am thinking placenta, it was more a whooshing beat at 125. Do some goggling later!  But thats a bit more exciting.  Looking forward to being able to hear its little heart beating away.  Stupid retroverted uterus.  Dr A said it will straighten up as the pregnancy progresses!

Oh and yeah ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

Getting the matress for our new king size bed delivered tomorrow! YAY.  Then DH just has to make the bed frame and I am going to buy a decorative bed head.

hmm what else.  Nothing much else, I think thats enough rambling from my foggy brain right now!

YAY

Well our 2nd scan went really well! YAY.  I couldn't see too much but I could see peanut had definitely grown and had a really nice strong heart beat of 181!!!!

Apparently my uterus is sitting slightly retroverted so it was hard to get a good shot! But thats OK I didn't see the point in doing an internal.  The heart beat is the most important!

So now I have to book in for my NT scan and once that is booked I make another appointment to go back and see Dr A.  I can then also book into the hospital and things.  Also have my request form for my 19 week morphology scan.  Dr A said I could come back in for a scan in 2 weeks.  I will see how I go! If I get nervous I will go back in! :)

Seems to be moving all so fast.  3weeks 4 days to go.  I am starting to get a little tiny bit excited that this might actually be happening.

I am having a good day with the ms.  I was really tired earlier today and feeling really really hung over.  Only threw up 3 times today but after my good news this afternoon I have a bit more energy! :)  I got a script for Maxolon and also these wafer things you put under the tongue??  I wont use them unless I really need to.

Nervous

5 hours to go!!!!!!  Very nervous.  Please let little peanut be strong and healthy.  Even with all the sickness I can't get it through my thick head that this might actually be happening.  3 1/2 weeks till it becomes real!