Torn

So Tyler will be 3 months old soon and I can't believe how fast time is flying by! He has started rolling over already, he started trying to reach for his toys on the floor gym. He holds really long conversations with me now.  he actually responds and continues talking in Tyler language!  It all happens so fast.

So where does the torn bit come in.  I will be starting him on Solids in a month as per Drs recommendation with his reflux, so I am considering dropping down the breastfeeding. I will bf whilst out and at night because it is easier but I am thinking of supplementing every 2nd feed with formula.  This of course will possibly return my cycle and in doing so we may get pregnant. Which is fine, but there are so many things running through my head right now.

First off all I can think about is number 2 and being pregnant again whilst at the same time hating my weight! I will definitely be eating better next pregnancy, seeing as I don't have work and I am at home more I will ensure only good food is in the house and then I can't snack on crap. I can keep exercising seeing as 12hours a day wont be taken up with work or travel.

OK this might be easier using bullet points.

- I really want number 2 and really can't wait to be pregnant again.
- weight loss will have to go on hold/do I want to post pone the weight loss?
- can we afford it right now with trying to sell the house and moving etc? although even if I do fall pregnant it still at least 9 months off it being here.
- DH is really stressed in his business: would bringing another baby in now be a good idea?
- work: the sooner we have another baby the sooner I will be able to return to work when the bubs get a bit older!
- will having two so close together be really hard or will it make it easier? Especially if the 2nd is a difficult baby?
- Is my body up for another pregnancy so fast?
- will Tyler loose out having a brother or sister born so close?

In thinking about all of this though nature will probably decide for us anyway. My body will probably be one of those that doesn't ovulate at all until I completely stop bf.  Thing is I really want no2 but at the same time there are other things affecting it.   How important are those things though.

Although not TTC the fact that we aren't preventing means I have to think like I possibly could be.  Having spina bifida occulta means I have to take folate supplements. although is a pregnancy one sufficient till I find out.  What if I was 12weeks before I found out then its too late all the important neural stuff is already formed.

wow I bet none of this even makes any sense!