SWB

So when I began my journey It started out on BH and I met some very wonderful women all going through the same trials and tribulations of TTC. I knew in the beginning that our journys would progress at different stages but that didn't matter. To me that was probably more important cause I am always scared of the 1in5 rule!

During this early stage we were all there for each other through the ups and downs. Eventually we ventured away from BH, originally I wasn't included but eventually got an invite. I didn't let that bother me at all figured it was an oversight for some reason.

Anyway as things progressed things started to change. Super u mentioned no Egg shells well this is no egg shells for u. for some reason I feel I need to justify/clarify/explain some things. Some of the girls became pregnant which was wonderful. I loved seeing their pics and hearing their stories and was 100% so very very happy for them, but eventually they started coming on only sparingly, popped in to update their progress and gone again saying sorry really busy. During this time a few of us were going through some very difficult times. We all have blogs, which were unfortunately only followed by some.

They used to check in and ask when big milestone approached like ovulation, testing or AF, but there are many other days in a month that are just as important, especially when your having so much trouble TTC.

Now I am not saying any one journey is harder than another but I know these girls and they have been at this for nearly 12months or more! they have been to FS after FS on drugs in hospital, test after test after test and still coming up empty. The bitter appointment month after month after month of seeing that 1 line with absolutely no hope when this will end. The devastation that causes rips them to pieces and they need their friends around them people like us because noone IRL knows so we are the ONLY people they can confide in. But most of the time no one else was around, too busy!

But it wasn't just the lack of support that hurt, it was also the insensitive comments, probably not meant to hurt but they did! I don't like pointing fingers or dissing anyone, but It was said to me my comment was uncalled for but what is uncalled for is when someone says that a loss before 12weeks shouldn't hurt because your baby isn't really a baby, or that u don't want to go onto BH and hear about people who fell pregnant around when u did miscarried and listening to them was to much because they were being complete downers! That you have had a hard time TTC when you have been at it 3 months fall pg naturally with no help no tests no nothing and keep it! We understand that parts of pg are tough, but to complain about things, when you tried so hard for this, its a slap in the face. I know I would give anything to be pregnant again even if that means 15kg or constant morning sickness, sore back, sore feet, sore legs, tired etc etc etc.

These comments really hurt. and it hurt me more when I saw that it hurt those around me. We tried to keep quiet and keep the peace but eventually it got too much. I spoke out and that was wrong, some left quietly and that was wrong too.

Yes we have met up IRL and we are good friends but it has nothing to do with us not needing u now! Truth is we did need u and you weren't there for us and it really hurt. But then we were lucky to have formed a close bond because now the support is amazing. To know that when I am up or down there are there, and I am always there for them. I wont be too busy for them when I am UTD because I know how much I needed them through this journey and how much they have been there for me.

As soon as I wake up I think about all the girls, how their charts are whats happening, I log on and check blogs and charts to make sure I know where everyone is at, To know when appointments are so I can wish luck or be there for support or know when I should be hearing something. That was for EVERYone in the group. The same support unfortunately wasn't given back. I don't have many friends but the friends I do have I love and support with ALL of my heart, and I know the friends I have do the same for me. If someone is getting support from me but finds no need to give me support then I am afraid but I don't need someone like that in my life. True friends are rare and hard to find! You are all wonderful brilliant women and perhaps at another time we may have been wonderful friends.

I am sorry if this offends anyone I am just trying to clarify why things went the way they did! I am very sad things ended up the way the did but it became very emotionally taxing and with my journey already being hard and the stresses in my own life being high I couldn't focus any more energy on others that weren't willing to give something back.

I do wish these ladies a very happy healthy journey and I do actually mean it. I don't say things for the sake of saying them. They will all have babies soon and this whole thing will be a distant memory for them. For us not so much, our battles continue.