Lost for words

Yesterday was a very tough day. Not for me but for some fellow TTCers. This journey can really be so very hard sometimes, I just wish I could take it away for them.

Problem is I feel really guilty. We are TTC again and we have been very lucky in the past with falling pg, so we may be lucky again this month and I do feel bad about that. I do feel I have done my time and that its my turn, I have had a horrible journey some days way worse than others. the missed m/c, the d&c, the stuffed up cycles. The pregnancy of unknown location, the continual internal examinations (while bleeding) the 2nd daily blood tests for 4 months, the in and out of hospital, the bleeding/spotting for 3-4months (everyday no let up!), the two heavy horrible m/c bleeds, having to go to work wearing maxi pads cause of the heavy m/c bleeding because I couldn't take time off work, the methotrexate injection the 3 months of just twiddling my thumbs not being able to do anything at all. But in all of this I haven't been through what these girls have. The endless months of trying and not getting anywhere. having no answers as to why, having to wait month in month out to do one test after the other to simple come up empty handed. I am never going to say I know how that feels like. It is also one thing I am exceptionally grateful for and I will not and do not take if for granted.

I am still hoping for some bfps in there this month, but its a difficult feeling when you know how upset it will make them if I get that bfp first. In a way I really really want them to get that bfp first so we can all enjoy it together. At the same time though I am 28 in a few months and I can not put of falling pg any longer because I am really running out of time.

I just hope a ray of light starts shinning for all these girls soon. They could do with some good luck and happy endings for a bit :)

On the TTC note CD8 and the Ov pain/crams are getting stronger. Had a bit of Watery CM today probably nothing though. around 6 days to go. I really do want to get excited but I think I am going to try and dull it down and keep it to myself. I don't think these girls need to hear my excitement at the moment.

On a very happy note DH bought a pram for bubby on ebay last night. Its perfect. :) its our first brought item. I guess he feels its our time too as he was very against buying anything baby related!