Over the last two months, I have thought about change, my career, my job, my home, etc etc. I keep thinking of all these thing I could and should be planning and doing. But if I am honest with myself its simply a mechanism to try and get my mind off the fact that I am still not pregnant!
I remember watching Dr Phil once, must have been the only time I have ever watched it! But he was going on about silos in our life. We have one for work, one for Job, family, relationship etc. When one of these silos is really low we start to try and compensate in other silos. Say for example we are really happy in our job, if we have been single for a while, and it starts to make us unhappy we start to actually think it is our job, and start to attack that and improve that, even though it was never the problem in the first place. So for me at the moment, everything is probably really great except for the family thing. If I had kids I probably wouldn't question my job at all, although I am not finding it challenging and my boss is a pain in the arse, it isn't that bad, I can go in everyday and be OK. But because we are having trouble achieving that family and it is making me unhappy, I am starting to think its other areas that are the problem. Like my house, or job or relationship etc. I think a job change will fix everything but it will probably just shift the problem for a while!
So I am not sure if this realisation will actually help any. Hopefully it will. I know that I don't really like my job right now and I would like something I am more passionate about more challenging, I I know as soon as I am pregnant, none of that is going to matter!
All I want right now is a to be pregnant and to have a baby. I know I will get that eventually I just need to chill for a while, just enjoy life, not try and attack every other part of my life and try to stay settled, and I will get to the destination eventually!
Easier said than done of course. I have been baking a bit lately, and doing little things around the house that I have been putting off, like finally getting all the photos up and pictures etc. Little things like that are finally making this place finally feel like home, and its helping me settle a little!
Another flat temperature today so I am thinking maybe I did ovulate, but because its been really cold here the last week or so it could mean my BBT has dropped a few degrees? Maybe! I am starting to get normal pre AF symptoms, No CM, Cramps, backache, breakout, bloating, gassy. And its 4 days before so that is about right :) fingers crossed things stay on the right path! I am starting to get excited at the same time because if AF does arrive then I will be in my last cycle before TTC again WHOOHOO!!!
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