CD26/3DPO WTF

So i have had a rather shit day! I have tried to not let things get to me but easier said than done. I don't know why I am struggling so much to move past this right now, but I am and it sucks! I was putting it down to AF but who knows what is going on there.

So My temp was up again this morning, I was completely ignoring it lol! You know if you don't admit things they seriously aren't there. But a good friend from SWB noticed it too :( and I think she is right. I think I only ovulated 3days ago. Seriously for F**CKS sake! I have gone from falling pg easily, to thinking it would all be OK and I would be able to have a baby, to having a completely shit cycle and no end in sight! I seem to have done it the other way around to everyone else. Not problems falling pg to having trouble TTC! I am up to 8 months, who knows how longer this could take. I am 28in November, I want more than 1 baby but time is running out!

Some days I wonder if it is really this hard perhaps someone is trying to tell me something?

So Things were going around and around in my head after that! Started with well it still feels like AF will be here tomorrow, that makes my LP 3days! hmmm scary, but hopefully the next cycle is better. I am still really really really hoping that this is what happens. The other scenario is that due to a late ovulation my AF will be pushed back up to 11days. That being the case then I will ovulate after the 2nd of June in the next cycle and we can actually try then. But as much as I would really like to do that, I would be so scared of my cycle still being stuffed, and if it is I honestly wouldn't have the strength to go through another m/c. But the thought of waiting till July/August is just as depressing! So my other thought that if it is pushed back and we do try next cycle, I will only do it if I am on something like Clomid to ensure I ovulate around CD14.

So it was getting me down today, still riding on AF is due so my emotions are really on edge, I tried to talk to DH about it on the way home! In typical boy style with in 2 mins he was over it and going on like I was some TTC psycho maniac. Now this makes me really really sad. I need to be able to talk to him and lately I just can't. I am really hurting sometimes and I just need him to be there. To talk to me. But he wont, always says he has too much of a headache to talk or what ever. I just feel so distant from him right now. We aren't talking, we are always fighting. We never DTD anymore, I just feel so far away from him. And when things like this happen I feel even further away, like my feelings mean absolute shit to him!

So Gotten myself into a bit of a whole! I think I am going to have tomorrow off work and see if I can get my head into a better place! Just not up for it!

So sad :(