Although Blake isn't 4 months until next week he is 17weeks on Friday and he is going through a massive growth spurt and was having 200ml bottles every 2 hours and still hungry I thought it might be time to start solids. He loves them. Took him a feed or two to work out how to swallow it and not push it back out with his tongue but now that he gets it he opens up his mouth and in it goes. I have him on a tiny amount of rice cereal 3 times a day, breakfast lunch and dinner. It's nice to all sit down and eat together. Feels like a real family and its so wonderful our littlest one can join in. I went and grabbed him his own high chair from ikea this morning :) so now he can sit up at the table with us.
So the flu looks like it might be on its last legs at our house. Well maybe It seems to go in waves one day I feel decent the next like crud again. Tyler is all chatty again and climbing everything in the house so I guess he is on the mend.
Going to ikea this morning set my brain into over drive. I have so many ideas on what I want from a home l, mainly the kitchen and boys rooms. I would love to buy a small run down house on a decent sized block perhaps 1000m2 and do the house up, plant a herb and veggie garden, etc.
Pretty sure I mentioned recently about the lifestyle change I want for my family. B has started smoking the herbs again so I feel like I am fighting a losing battle but I really think reassessing what we actually want and where we are heading will elevate some many stresses for B.
If he continues down this path though I don't know I can keep going. I want our boys to have good role models and given a good start to life and B and I just bang heads on everything. B doesn't understand why I have a go at him for just about everything. Well I am sorry that I don't want Tyler drinking coke or beer or heaven forbid rum even if it is only a tiny drop. I don't want them continually eating snacks high in salt and sugar. U do it yes but ur 32 he is 1! Great start to life ur giving his body!
Most days i do simply feel completely defeated. B does all this stuff I don't agree with so when Tyler is with me all day he refuses to eat anything but junk crap that dad feeds him so we fight all day. He then won't go down for a nap because he is hungry. Agh its all very frustrating right now. Im currently not talking to him at all since I caught him smoking again the other day. He thinks I'm just being a b*t*h and that I expect him to be perfect but it has nothing to do with that. He is already depressed smoking just makes it worse.
Then the being perfect thing well that's just a joke. He has his own business and its been going 2 years and yes I know businesses take time to get off the ground but I have been trying to pay the bills of my government money which will again drop right off once my maternity payment ends and again we are fighting about money as its not enough to pay bills. Yet If i bring it up I am pressuring him and not being supportive even though I am simply wondering how on earth i am meant to pay things?
Anyway same crap different day really. I chose to come back and now I have to live with it. He clearly will never change as he doesn't see any problems with any of it.
Thinking about it always manages to give me a headache!
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