A week of changes

:( it breaks my heart but the control crying has begun. I am getting extremely exhausted from the no sleep but even worse is he is always so over tired and therefore grizzly and grumpy and his hands always shake and he doesn't really grab at things much. All this made me realise his lack of sleep is being detrimental to him. He wasn't napping more than 2x20min nap during the day and would go down at 7pm up at 11pm, 2am, and 4am for a feed then up for the day at 5-5:30am. He doesn't cry at all at night he just stirs and I get him and feed him back to sleep, this of course is what did the damage. I never wanted him to wake because he sleeps in our room and as DH had to get up and go to work I didn't want him disturbed. But if course Tyler now expects to be fed back to sleep at those times! I have tried just resettling him at 2am but he fights and fights and wants a feed.

All this has led to us adopting the control crying method. It really breaks my heart to hear him cry and I really want to pick him up and give him big cuddles but I know what we r trying to do will be better in the long run.

So we did the first episode this morning, we did 30mins all up (5,15,10) and as he still wouldn't settle and 30mins is the max on day 1 so I had to feed him to sleep.

As he didn't wake up till 12:30 we will see of we get another nap in today but he slept for nearly 3 hours as he was so tired. Normally l wouldn't think any more than an hour or so. Going on this we have set the timings as up at 6:30am, nap @ 9 and 3, then bed at 8pm and a feed at 12ish. This of course needs to be stuck to strictly until the routine is established and then we can have some flexibility. It's going to be a tough few weeks but we will get there!

I have to say though he is so much more contented now he has had a big sleep!

Other than that DH and I have decided it's time to start reducing the breatfeeding. This is partly to break the feeding to sleep but also reducing his dependency on me. We will probably go 24-48 hours with just the bottle and I will express. Then we may have a couple of breast feeds a day. I have no issues with formula and my breast milk just never seems enough. I am also finding it extremely frustrating that unless i keep my calorie intake really high my milk starts to dry up! Oh and yesterday i developed a blocked duct. Omfg ouch! I can't unblock it even feeding Tyler I had no luck and it's getting really painful. I need to unblock it before it turns into mastitis. :( nothing seems to be working. Some days I really do hate breast feeding! I don't think I will continue much longer.

This of course means one thing is for sure my cycle will return soon! How long will it take us to fall pregnant?

I am really excited and nervous all at the same time. I am excited about being pregnant again and having another baby I am nervous because what if we have trouble conceiving? I don't want to have to go through that pain again so soon! Once we r pregnant those first 12weeks are so scary! The thought of another miscarriage terrifies me!

Of course all of this is just jumping the gun lol! Patience was never my strong point!

Wow what a novel!