Trying to level my head

Agh!
I really wish I had the strength to hold out until AFs due date to test. I know the line is super strong so very unlikely a chemical but still the mind races.

I have gone through all this before yet I find myself here again having the same mental battle as always.

I know nothing can stop a miscarriage and if that's what meant to happen fine its just this waiting game. I seriously have zero patience.

In saying that I am 12DPO yeah 12DPO and I am already feeling nauseous. I am always absolutely starving. Wtf is with that. But I am also having strong cramps. Dull AF feeling cramps. They bother me! My lower back is also achy. This could be because in general I'm very tired after being up since 3:30am with 2 sick boys and having to carry Tyler absolutely everywhere as he just won't let go! 14kg is a lot to lug around.

I keep taking hpts left right and centre haha I got 60 opks and 60 hpts for $23. So yeah I have lots to spare. They are getting increasingly darker. They seem so very dark for 12dpo! I feel like in more like 6 weeks lol which I'm not as I'm not even 4 weeks yet. Bahahahaha

I also have this gut feeling its a girl. I will have to go back and read my blog for Blake. I remember very vividly with Tyler the moment I saw the positive test it was a boy. I think with Blake my desire for a girl had me wishing a girl but not overly feeling it. This feeling is the same gut feeling I had with Tyler right from the start. Same feeling I had last week when I just knew I was pregnant even before I got the positive test. Lol I could be completely wrong but I just have this feeling. Even have a name. Nothing like I had thought before so its all just weird.

Ok moving away from that before the looney bin people show up with my straight jacket again.

So yeah the boys are sick. I took them to the dr this morning she gave me a script for ABs for Tyler but I think he is just a massive sook when sick. He has a very low rang temp and some ulcers on the left side of his throat other than that the nose has dried up no ear issues. He is just a sook lol. A sook that decided 3am was wake up time. Likely he went back to sleep but then Blake was awake at 4:45z he is teething something shocking. I mentioned this pain he seems to be experiencing to the dr. She felt his tummy and he doesn't associate the pain with popping. When she looked in his mouth she mentioned he is gums are really inflamed so thinks its his teeth. Sook! Jk