2012 a fresh start

So I have been blogging a little less lately, and I guess that was because of some stuff that was going on that I wasn't really ready to blog about.

So we stopped well I should say I stopped TTC #2 a while back.  This came about because DH just wasn't coping.  I am sure he has some kind of depression but wont face it.  Anyway he was never home, when he was he was sleeping, playing PS3 or on the computer. I let it go thinking, he is stressed out with work running your own business is hard and was looking forward to us relaxing as a family over Christmas/new year.

Well it wasn't meant to be, since he has been on his break, he has gone fishing for 12hours, gone to a mates to play games, sits at home playing games and yep you guessed it on the computer all the time. he goes out for hours on end and doesn't tell me where he is going.  He sleeps for 12hours every night and at no point has he ever offered to help me with Tyler.  He keeps lying to me, he is smoking pot again. The list is endless really.

Christmas day was nice as Tyler went down for a 3 hour nap so I could relax a little but as it was really windy out the back where everyone was sitting so I sat inside on my own with Tyler all day as he gets such a sore tummy from sucking in the wind.  Not once did he come to keep us company. He fished, drank and socialised all day! Which he actually does all the time.  When ever we go anywhere he leaves me with Tyler and buggers off to socialise or eat or drink or what ever really.

It came to a head two nights ago when he expected me to go to his mates place for dinner.  Tyler had been screaming his lungs up for 2 days, I had had zero sleep due to him being upset and I am also not comfortable breast feeding around his mates. But when I said I wasn't going I was the biggest b*t*h on the planet.  Not that I saw why it mattered I would be off in another room trying to feed and calm Tyler as its his witching hour and when he cluster feeds before sleeping, and DH would have been doing what he always does, off socialising.

So anyway we haven't really spoken since I am just the biggest b*t*h on the planet, a f*ck wit etc etc.

So I have left. I have moved in to my mums place until I can sort the sale of the house and find a place on my own. Strangely enough I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. DH wasn't interested in his family, he just wanted me to be there when he was ready to spend time with me or when he wanted s3x.  I just couldn't go on like it.  I get angry and start to take it out on Tyler by getting frustrated at him all because DH is off running around doing what he wants all whilst lying to me.

I have my little man and he is my life but it will just be the two of us for a while :)

So yeah 2012 will be a fresh start and the beginning of a new life for Tyler and I and I am going to make it happy, fun and enjoyable.  Something it hadn't been in our house for a very long time.