I have been very slack with the epi-no the last few nights I just haven't felt well enough to use it. Bubby was quiet on Sunday and Monday but active yesterday. A little quiet again today. All this of course has me worried sick. I can't stop thinking about still births etc. I check its heart rate with the Doppler regularly and its fine not high not low or anything like that just sitting where it always is.
I know its getting close 4.5weeks to go yet it all still feels like a dream at the moment. I can't shake what I am feeling, I haven't been in the baby's room for over a week. I know I am not sleeping and DH and I have been fighting lots which isn't helping so maybe its just everything put together.
I don't feel nervous about the birth, or what it will be like when bub comes home, it all just feels very surreal like its happening to someone else. Maybe I should go have a long nap and see if I wake up feeling better.
My belly still hasn't popped out anymore so I haven't bothered to take another pic. Maybe I will get the energy to at some point.
The stress of home is getting to me too. I honestly don't know what to do there. I know we need to sell but its such a bad time and I just don't feel like dealing with the stress of it all, the open homes the people coming in and out the having to keep it constantly clean, with a new born that will almost be impossible in my house. We have 3 living areas, kitchen of course, 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a study in the main living area of the house and a big rumpus room, another room not sure what you call it people before us had their home business there, another bathroom and toilet, and a sauna at the other end of the house. I have enough trouble keeping the main area clean let alone the extended areas. All this in mind though I know selling and buying a smaller house on a smaller block will relieve us financially but all in my mind we have a new born coming do I want to do this now? Then I think DH's business is taking off but from week to week we have no idea if he will or wont get work. This isn't from a lack of him trying, he is working his arse off to get work in the door, but sometimes it just doesn't happen, people can't always afford things, and at this point we have enough money to pay bills until mid September then what do we do? I can't go back to work. We lived of my one wage for around 7 months which was fine, but my degree meant I had a higher paying job, if DH has to go back to work I am not sure his one wage will cover all the out goings in this big house. Even if we did put it on the market, it might take months and months to sell, what then? We still have to pay bills.
DH promises me that he will bring in the money and I know he means it but it isn't something that is really in his hands. He does tons of quotes every week but its mainly people just inquiring as to how much it would cost to do something, not that they are wanting to follow through with it. Having this hanging over our heads is causing lots of tension. DH thinks I think he is a failure or something which isn't the case, so if I bring up the money issue its like I am pointing a finger at him that he isn't doing enough when simply its more that in 6 weeks we run out of money and something we need to sit down and discuss. I honestly just don't know.
I'm just too tired to deal with it.
On the pregnancy note TMI alert, Sunday morning I don't know if I lost my mucus plug over night. I wear boxers to bed with no undies, and Sunday morning I got up and pottered around the house for a few hours in boxers and trackies. When I went to have a shower I noticed a bigish pink stain in my boxers, It was mostly dry but kinda wet. I hadn't felt wet at all that morning and I know the mucus plug is really mucusy but I have no idea what else it could have been?? I loose a lot of mucus at times but always clear this was definitely pink. I guess I will never know. Even if it was you can loose that weeks before labour begins in the first pregnancy.
The round ligament pain is getting worse. I get it high on the sides if you look at this picture its more where the ligament attaches to the side of the uterus not down low where they say you should feel it. Its sharp and lasts for a long time which when googling can happen, although I am yet to find anything that mentions the pain being high rather than low. I always get it when I walk but lately its been all the time and it doesn't go away unless I sit down.
I have increased my EPO to 2 tablets 3 times a day and my Raspberry leaf to 1x2g tablet 3 times a day. Unfortunately I think the RL has a lot to do with why I am feeling so ill of late. I was doing some googling yesterday and found out that RL is high in Tannins :( 5 years ago I found out the tannins in black tea and red wine are what were causing my debilitating migraines. I stopped drinking black tea (which I love) and red wine and hadn't had a migraine again. Until recently. I didn't think much of it, simply thought it was just part of this end of the pregnancy! I have been umming and ahhing whether or not to stop taking it, for the few weeks I have left surely I can just grit my teeth and bear it? The benefits RL offer during labour and recovery surely out way the migraines. I had suffered with them since I was 7 years old surely a few weeks wont hurt me. They are increasing in intensity and I know this is because the tannins are building up in my system.
Bubs is still head down which is good :) hasn't engaged yet although some days I can definitely tell its a lot lower than others. going to a walk helps to get it down lower. I have started doing some exercises on the fit ball when I get home from my walk. I don't think its doing much though because the ball needs pumping up, mainly I just find it a relief from the pubic symphysis pain I get. Sitting on the ball relieves the pain completely!
think that's about it my brain hurts!
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