Time for number 3

So B and I sat down last night and finally agreed next cycle it is. I am very excited but also very nervous. We didn't ttc with Blake we were very lucky it just happened. B and I were separated and one night of pure passion and us just letting go and loving each other ended in me being pregnant with him. I guess looking back he was the shinning light that bought us back together.
Little Blake was just meant to be and we are so blessed to have him. Don't get me wrong we still have tough days especially with B and the business and the extra stresses that brings but we are in a much better place. B still battles with the cruxes he uses when stressed but we talk about it a lot more and we are dealing with them together as a team. Having less involvement from either of our families makes it much easier, I can be there for him and him for me with out anyone else in our ear telling us how they think life is supposed to be.

Anyway so B and I both said before we got married we always wanted 4 kids. Financially that's probably not going to happen but we will see one baby at a time. I'm 31 this year B is 32 so not spring chickens and ultimately I would like to just have our family and for us to live our life. 3 under 3 will be hard but that doesn't worry me.

I have wanted a girl and keep thinking oh no what if its a boy how will I feel. Since we had that oh no maybe whoopsy Last cycle i know I have wanted another baby sooner rather than later. I kept thinking I really really want a girl definitely not a boy but recently I saw a picture of a friends new born little boy and my heart ached for a baby a boy or girl. Giving Blake his bottle and the love I feel for my 2 boys I would love another boy. I just want more kids. I do definitely want a girl I feel it in my heart there is a girl in my life but I wouldn't be disappointed if I found out it was a boy this time. Make sense? Lol

Anyway so after sitting down and talking about it last night we decided on next cycle. So that's the weekend of my sisters wedding. Well the days leading up before we head away we DTD. I will find out mid August.
This is the part that scares me. Ttc. It's a horrible journey. U put so much hope into it. I'm on a girl friendly diet and will DTD 2-3days before OV to increases the chances
Of a girl but what if no pregnancy? What about miscarriages? After our horrible start we were so very lucky to have 2 easy pregnancies and births. Might not be the case this time. My cycle is a bit wacky. Ovulated late last cycle AF came smack on time for a normal cycle but 2 days early for the late ovulation. If I did indeed ovulate then.
I am cd9 now and have started doing opks to see if and when i might be ovulating, i haven't seen any EWCM so shouldn't really bother with them until I do but I got 60 cheapies off eBay and I am so hoping we are lucky first try and I won't need anywhere near that many so just going to indulge my poas addiction and test away.

I am so so so so looking forward to being pregnant again. I am looking forward to slowing down and treasuring it. With Tyler I was petrified the whole time after 2 miscarriages then with Blake so much was going on and b and I were all over the place so it was so stressful. I want to really take the time to enjoy feeling every movement and kick, not rush the pregnancy and try my hardest to get bub out at the end. Well unless its a week late. I want to do a maternity shoot no matter how much I hate how I look. I want to involve B and the boys. Do all that kind of stuff. It very well might be my last pregnancy so I want to really cherish it.

One of the biggest decisions to make and its one i want to discuss with B when we have more time and that's going private or public. We love our obgyn. He is brilliant and for a private obgyn he is cheap. He has relocated hospitals though but is still 40or so minutes away. Not worried about labour it's more a convenience thing for B and the boys visiting. I love how he does a scan at every appointment etc. but out of pocket there is still the pregnancy management fee and also the $200 excess to go to hospital and the out of pocket for the epidural. All up probably going to be about $2k. That doesn't include the expensive 12 and 20 week scan which together is about $350.

If I go public near by I won't have any out of pocket but although I have had 2 relatively simple births Blake's cord was around his neck and I just trust my obgyn and know his decisions are for me and my baby. If I have an obgyn or nurse I don't know it does scare me. I also pay $150 a fortnight for my family top hospital and extras health insurance which is wasted if I go public. I get my own room private etc. but if I go local private the obgyn won't be discounted like my current one as he discounts it for subsequent kids, they may not scan at every appointment.

I really want to stick with my obgyn, I just wish he was closer and the darn anaesthetist wasn't so expensive! I Could say now oh I just won't have an epidural but screw that!

Really excited for the months ahead.