Mental washing machine

I feel like my head is a complete jumbled mess.
So AF arrived 2 days earlier than I expected if I ovulated on cd16. So if it was 14 we just didn't pregnant but I am thinking perhaps I never ovulated at all.
Stupid body. So screwed up.

So not pregnant yep good fine what ever. I have no issue with it. Would have been nice for a whoopsy surprise, would have meant I didn't have to think about crap but now all the thoughts are there.

I went through, we aren't financial enough for another baby, but I really want a girl, but I am likely to have another boy, I'm so tired could I handle a other one, its not really fair on the boys both financially and time wise to bring another baby in, I do want one but if I go back to work that's more time and once we are past babies do I want to go back, putting all this effort into losing weight if I get pregnant it will go straight back on, my body is a baby fat magnet, but I want my body back for a while so I can lose some weight an feel better about myself, etc etc round an around I went. I decide on the no baby right now thing until I see a little girl or hold one Etc and it all starts all over again.
Then I can see the bond Tyler is now getting with B. Tyler copies everything daddy does and he just wants to be right beside daddy being a mini me. It's gorgeous to watch but makes me want a girl even more. She might be a daddies girl and do the exact same as Tyler but I do still want a girl.
Agh I am not winning this mental battle at all. Grrrrr