Finally OV! Plus Brain and heart mushed rambling a!

So after my rant in my last post it looks like I finally did ovulate. No EWCM since Friday morning around 11am. I took my temp properly this morning as the boys finally both slept without interruption!! Nice normal post OV temp. So it would have been Friday at some point. Cd16.

That being said the likelihood of being pregnant is slim to none!
We DTD around 11pm on cd10. So if I ovulated around 11am on cd16 that's around 5 1/2days. Lol u would need super sperm to last that long!

It's good to know I did actually end up ovulating though. AF should arrive Sunday 22nd to give me a normal LP.

Having this whoopsy has caused my mind to go into overdrive.
There is so much churning around in there about ttc#3
I would love them close together but now I am wondering if its the best idea?
I already have 2 under 2 and if I have a third it will be 3 under 3 for 6 months.
Then there is the baby bonus that's been wiped. Whilst we would be fine without it it certainly makes it a bit easier for a while. There is paid parental leave for those that work but if I return to work I don't know if we would have another. First of all applying for a job on the pretence of maternity leave or paid parental leave just doesn't sit well wig me at all.
Then I want to be back at work full time when Tyler starts school. The year before prep i will have the boys in kindy full time in preparation for the demands of school .
As we want to send them to a semi private in primary and then a full private from year5 I will need to be at work full time to pay for fees. No way we can have a baby then.
So all this being said I keep thinking maybe we should just have our 2 boys and leave it at that. This has been making me physically cry. Lately I can't shift this overwhelming want for a girl. I get insanely jealous of anyone who has a girl or pregnant with a girl. I talk to little girls or just watch them play and I start imagining my own little girl, what she would look like etc. I know its stupid, I have 2 absolutely gorgeous boys who I love so much but I just can't seem to stop myself.
This is the other reason I am very reluctant to ttc#3. The likelihood of it being another boy is really high and although I would love him very much I would still have that overwhelming sensation of wanting that girl. I won't lie I would be upset and that wouldn't be fair. I of course would love another boy too but knowing we simply can't have another would certainly hurt and then I just know I would start trying to think about number 4 in search of that girl.
At what point will I stop? Will I just get past this feeling? We can't have 10 kids in search of a girl. We simply may never have one.
Maybe I need some kind of hypnosis to numb myself to this feeling I have.

Hmm what a load of rambling.