Meditation

Maybe its time to take up meditation or something!
My mind won't stop ticking over and its exhausting.
Well my cm has definitely changed. I had the tiniest amount of EWCM yesterday morning. Nothing like cd13 and I had thermal Shift cd13 and 14 in the afternoon. I tried taking it in the mornings but as Blake has been off I can't get a decent reading and the temp still says no ovulation. I'm up for at least an hour or 2 before I get a chance to take my temp. So honestly I don't know. Going by everything else I would 100% say I ovulated on Tuesday.
I mentioned to B last night about the whoopsy and he was like but ur AF just finished and something along the lines of so ur telling me u ovulate like 2 weeks after ur AF.
I had to laugh nearly 2 years of ttc#1 and charting for a full 8 months and he still had no idea how it works. I explained yet again that cd1 is the first day of my AF and I ovulate on cd13 sometimes 14. I have had some late ovulation a but in a normal cycle and with both Tyler and Blake I ovulated on cd13.

I have been thinking about not falling pregnant this cycle. It would actually be really weird. I'm expecting a bfn and that would be completely normal but in my mind I keep thinking if we don't why not? What happened? Is something wrong! Lol I know stupid but everyone always says Ben shouldn't look at me when I ovulate as we are or were super fertile and him just looking at me and I fall pregnant.

Then there has been some other stuff going through my head. This is on the complete opposite side. I am so tired and run down at the moment that I have a mouth ulcer on my throat. I haven't had one of these for nearly 8 years. They are so incredibly painful. :( Blake isn't sleeping through, I have been dream feeding him at 8-9pm to try and get him to sleep later. It's worked once and he slept until 6.last night was a shocker for both. Blake woke up crying multiple times, Tyler work at 5, I tried a couple of bottles then he did a big poo and I simply could not get him to go back to sleep.
Blake is really irritable and spewy. I don't know if its the solids or reflux or his formula but even hours after eating he will still be gassy and when he burps he spews.
All up they are certainly wearing me out and in those early hours of the morning from 2-5am when at least one of them is up I think there is no way I could have another baby. Then I have my morning coffee and feel a little more human and having another one is all I can think about. Especially a little girl. I would love a little boy too but I can't lie I have been praying to the powers that be every few minute to please let me have my little girl. I would like this 3rd bub to be my last but I know if its another boy I would have to go again .i actually look at people with little girls and feel a pang of jealousy. I can see me with a daughter. Ever since I wanted kids and started thinking of having them back when I was 22 I always saw me with a girl.

Anyway getting side tracked again. I have always hated the tww!