Anxiety I think!

So lately I have been really struggling with what I can only put down to anxiety.

I have this voice in the back of my mind that is really really bothering me. I keep imagining something bad happening to one of the boys. Seeing tyler do what he does every day but him getting hurt but not just a bump hurt but break neck permanently injured / killed. Or with Blake I keep imagining going to the cot and finding him not breathing.

I don't know why I keep thinking these horrible morbid things. Now I think about it ever time I take a video or picture of me with one of the boys I think if something ever happened to me that would be able to look at it and remember me.

It's driving me bonkers. I don't want to live in a bubble boys will be boys and we have to live our lives but I just keep seeing these things. I don't want to have those things in my mind.

In one way it's good because every time I think it I stop and re think what we are doing and appreciate life and my boys. It makes me hugs them more and hold them tight. Not get grumpy at them no matter how much they push my buttons.

Every now and again I think about mothers instincts or women's intuition and omg I hope not. I keep reading stories or hearing of friends who have lost close ones mainly kids. Perhaps it's the down side of the technological age these things are more out there. I know tragedy happens everywhere all over the world but having it right these maybe that's leading to these feelings I have.

I thought getting this out of my head it would help but nope it didn't. :( I love my boys so very very much I don't know how anyone can survive losing a child.