So I have to say I am struggling with the festive season a bit. Had a fairly nice Christmas day with my family and then we headed up to the sunshine coast to spend a few days with DH's family. All fairly nice. Hard to portray feelings on here but I feel really flat about it all!! Again let me say again I have come to accept our little girl wasn't meant to be but it doesn't stop me thinking that I should have a 6 month old daughter now and that Christmas would have been so different. 
Doesn't help that I am 9DPO and I feel nothing. I have some mild cramps and sore bbs but its not pregnancy stuff. I know its early days but I am just not feeling it. I was hoping to a brilliant start to 2011 but I don't think its going to happen. I have started to steel my mind toward plugging out the next 3months and getting to the end of March. Unfortunately if we do get there we would be looking at perhaps doing something in the April cycle. Problem is DH and I are heading back to his home town for his Brother's son's baptism. They have asked DH and I to be god parents are we feel so blessed they asked something so amazing of us. But we will be heading down there for 2 weeks in April. So really we are looking at May. Feels like this journey will never end. that will take us to 13months of TTC after the trouble miscarriage and a total of 20months of TTC thats just depressing.
I had a conversation with the gf of one of DH's brothers yesterday. She made a comment about people making extra drama in their life and always acting like everything has to be a fight and why can't people just be happy and live for the now etc. I was a little annoyed by this comment so I had to say something, very diplomatically and didn't indicate any annoyance toward her. Seriously no one wants this crap. Yes there are some people out there who thrive on drama. I am definitely not one of those. I like my life simple and drama free. I like keeping things grounded and yes there are times in the month I can get emotional but ultimately unless warranted I try to keep myself fairly level. Unfortunately when it comes to miscarriages and TTC things don't stay that way. I honestly thought having babies would be easy. I never expected or wanted any of this crap to happen. I would have rathered stayed pregnant last year, had my baby and lived happy ever after. No drama, no roller coaster, no crap, no heartache no pain no sadness. But I didn't get that and I am trying the best I can to keep fighting. I tried to see it from her perspective in that although she is older than me they haven't been in their relationship that long, they rent a house, aren't planning on getting married any time soon, spend all their time partying and doing what most people would do in their early 20's. We are just at different stages of life, but why do people find the need to say offensive stuff without thinking!
Something I have found over the course of the last 16months is that the main people who have an opinion on infertility, miscarriages or TTC are those that have never had to do any of it or go through any of it! Especially those who had multiple kids and fell pregnant straight away.
OK rant over!
I would like to stay hopeful for this month, still 3 days for possible implantation but after 8 months I am sorry but the doubt and skepticism is there. The baby dream has definitely faded for me. oh well. Universe
-------> 
me!
Looking forward to just starting fresh in 2011, only 3 days to go.
Doesn't help that I am 9DPO and I feel nothing. I have some mild cramps and sore bbs but its not pregnancy stuff. I know its early days but I am just not feeling it. I was hoping to a brilliant start to 2011 but I don't think its going to happen. I have started to steel my mind toward plugging out the next 3months and getting to the end of March. Unfortunately if we do get there we would be looking at perhaps doing something in the April cycle. Problem is DH and I are heading back to his home town for his Brother's son's baptism. They have asked DH and I to be god parents are we feel so blessed they asked something so amazing of us. But we will be heading down there for 2 weeks in April. So really we are looking at May. Feels like this journey will never end. that will take us to 13months of TTC after the trouble miscarriage and a total of 20months of TTC
thats just depressing. I had a conversation with the gf of one of DH's brothers yesterday. She made a comment about people making extra drama in their life and always acting like everything has to be a fight and why can't people just be happy and live for the now etc. I was a little annoyed by this comment so I had to say something, very diplomatically and didn't indicate any annoyance toward her. Seriously no one wants this crap. Yes there are some people out there who thrive on drama. I am definitely not one of those. I like my life simple and drama free. I like keeping things grounded and yes there are times in the month I can get emotional but ultimately unless warranted I try to keep myself fairly level. Unfortunately when it comes to miscarriages and TTC things don't stay that way. I honestly thought having babies would be easy. I never expected or wanted any of this crap to happen. I would have rathered stayed pregnant last year, had my baby and lived happy ever after. No drama, no roller coaster, no crap, no heartache no pain no sadness. But I didn't get that and I am trying the best I can to keep fighting. I tried to see it from her perspective in that although she is older than me they haven't been in their relationship that long, they rent a house, aren't planning on getting married any time soon, spend all their time partying and doing what most people would do in their early 20's. We are just at different stages of life, but why do people find the need to say offensive stuff without thinking!
Something I have found over the course of the last 16months is that the main people who have an opinion on infertility, miscarriages or TTC are those that have never had to do any of it or go through any of it! Especially those who had multiple kids and fell pregnant straight away.
OK rant over!
I would like to stay hopeful for this month, still 3 days for possible implantation but after 8 months I am sorry but the doubt and skepticism is there. The baby dream has definitely faded for me. oh well. Universe
-------> me!Looking forward to just starting fresh in 2011, only 3 days to go.
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