Naturopath

Had another appointment with the Naturopath this afternoon.  Went well.  She is really happy with my progress and was really impressed with all the changes I have made. Told her that we didn't want to have the 3months off the recommend. She was fine with that she just explained that we have to be willing to accept the chance of another miscarriage.  I don't think we will have another one, well I hope not but I am willing to take that risk. I have been doing the preconception thing for what feels like forever, DH hasn't been but you can't force men to do anything and even if we did have 3 months break to do her preconception thing I can't see him doing it anyway! He is far too stubborn for that, he got his swimmers tested and they are fine so he thinks thats all that matters.  Boys!

Not much else happening.  Changed my FF to say only 6DPO.  I put in the temp I took at 1:30am on CD12 when DH got home. Seeing as I didn't get back to bed until after 2:30am because of his booty call lol when I took my temp at 5am I suspect it would have been out.

Doesn't really matter though.  CM has been great.  Been really creamy and wet and lots of it.  So thats a plus.  Glad thats all back to normal! Heartburn has taken off.  Since the day I ovulated its been giving me complete hell.  OUCH OUCH OUCH is all I can say!!!!

TWW is always so slow! 8 days to go! I would love to say I think this is our month but it isn't like that. Life isn't that simple.  I know there is every chance this could be this month but all I can think is what makes this month any different from the last 4!!!!  I am tempted to hold off until 10/10/10 as that will be 15DPO, I have gotten both my BFP then and that is a very very lucky date in the Chinese calendar! lol can't see me holding out that long though.  We'll see!

Nearly Friday and an early mark tomorrow, our Melbourne office had a grand final lunch last Friday for the AFL so we are having our lunch this Friday. Going to a really nice restaurant won an award recently something like best restaurant in Brisbane lol not sure but definitely looking forward to it. Yum Yum!!!

feeling heaps better

So after a bit more thought I figured bugger it.  I am tired of the same old Crap, so I went for a run. I needed to break that fear of exercising in case I am pregnant. I went for a 6km run, I pushed myself hard, it hurt, I was hot but I feel so much better.

I had a talk to DH about and how I had enough.  I am tired of acting like I am pregnant.  I have been since I first fell pregnant in Sept/October last year. From now on until I get those two lines and until the Dr tells me to stop exercising I am going to continue. I can't keep living in fear of miscarriage. I mean every month for 5 months I have put the breaks on exercising after I ovulate because of this fear! NO MORE! I feel better for going for a run and I feel better for letting this go!

:)

tough day

I have no idea what it is but I am so super emotional today.  I am not really one to cry, but seriously yesterday and today I just can't stop. Every thing is just too much and its all over whelming. There are things bothering me. Like the weight gain, I want to get it off but once I ovulate I am scared to do any intense exercise, I eat well but thats not sufficient for me I am not a slim build I have to work out hard and lots to achieve weight gain and even weight maintenance. Its a vicious circle. I hate work and the thought of going again tomorrow is making it all worse. But at the same time nothing will trigger me to cry. I song on the radio and its words, absolutely stupid crap!

I hope it doesn't take long for this feeling to pass.  Not a fan of it at all!

Good news though 3 DPO and my CM is great.  Creamy and lots of it.  At least it seems to be good on that front!

Maybe/Maybe not!

First off OMG TFIF!!!!!!!!

So I don't know if I have indeed ovulated or not. It is a little early for me but if I haven't well it should be in the next few days.  My temp was nice and high this morning but that would probably be due to the lack of sleep!!!  DH went bowling with work last night and I was supposed to pick him up from the train station but at 8:30 I msged him to ask how long he thought he might be and if I should just go to bed. I replied to say they were only just starting the last game.  I decided yep definitely off to bed.

Midnight I woke up and still nothing,  I tried to ring him and no answer :( me being me started to get all worried because he doesn't go out much so I was worried about mugging/drink spiking/fights yep definitely fights. He is a big boy I know that but I still worry about him.  Finally he pulled up in a cab at must of been about 1:30am. Due to the consumption of alcohol he was in a very chatty mood.  We chatted for a while then decided that perhaps we should get jiggy with it.  Have to say it was really good haha, but being that time of the month I had to do the hips/feet up for 10mins+ and you simply just can't sleep like that. Then I wanted to stay on my back because I didn't want to roll over onto my side as I was worried all the swimmers might go down that tube and the egg might be released from the other!! lol yep this at about 2am! I simply couldn't get back to sleep after that, I think I did doze off for a little bit before the alarm went off at 5am :(

But more than likely that is why my temp is high.  I got a positive OPK yesterday so it can't be far away at all.
Using preseed this time too so hopefully that helps too.  I have thrown the world at it this month, would be so nice for it to just work!

Now to try and make it to 3pm without falling asleep.

Tired

Wow its only Thursday and I am so tired. It definitely should be Friday.

So we are back to crunch time again. I have given everything I can, we will BD every 2nd day, and then its up to nature. Being this tired now though I always get those thoughts in my head. It hasn't worked the last 4 months why would this month be any different. At the same time, I think but there is nothing stopping us from falling pregnant this month so maybe.

I just don't ever imagining getting to see those two lines again. I have to say the next pregnancy will be a complete surprise because I am simply not expecting it to actually happen!!

I've definitely done the rounds of TTC now, falling pregnant easily, 2 miscarriages, having to wait, back to TTC but struggling! Its a hard thing to deal with to know you could fall pregnant so easily but for some reason now you can't. In the space of 13months. You just want answers but you will never get them because there is no answer. Its simply just going to take time and you have no idea how long that is.

I do really wonder if I will be pregnant by my 28th Birthday. I have this cycle and the next one!

Scares me too I guess because if we are lucky this cycle we hit the same milestones as my first pregnancy, I would have loved to have been 12weeks by my birthday but instead now I have to pray I hear a heart beat unlike Nov last year when we found out we lost the baby two days before my birthday.

Some days this waiting game is just too much. I just wish I was pregnant already and could move onto the next stage. I have been acting like I am pregnant for 13months now, "Preconception" they call it. I have had a few drinks and things in there but 90% of the time I have been really good, and now its perfect. Makes it hard when things don't work. You do just want to relax with a glass for wine, some soft cheese and a really soppy movie. All I can have now is just the soppy movie! lol

Anyway I hope it all wont matter in a couple of weeks and we finally get that stick BFP!

Back to good old work!

Its working?

So what ever I am doing this month seems to be working in terms of my CM! Don't know if it was cutting out dairy, only eating fresh healthy food, all the exercise, the new herbs from the naturopath, the adjustment at the chiro, but my CM is definitely watery today. OH and I must be about to ovulate soon because I am really horny, I know TMI but I haven't had this for a long time. All my dreams are about sex, and my body just tells me it wants it.

But this month is probably out anyway, DH and I aren't even talking and I don't want to just have sex for a baby. Baby's are out of love, well supposed to be and if we are on different levels right now I am not going to force it in search for a baby thats just stupid!!

I am very very happy that my body is seemingly working though. YAY for good CM haha!

On another note, the chiro was good but man my back was bad, and I have been feeling that for two days after. When your back locks up it can lock in nerves, this has been happening for years for me so releasing them the other day has released a ton of built up toxins perhaps because I have a killer headache, verging on a migraine and I feel really flu like. I doubt I will get sick its just a rebound from the adjustments. Haven't had a migraine in so long, my eyes are light sensitive and just really hurt, I can feel my own heart beat in my head, I can hear it in my ears, and just feel sick! BOO :( but hey if it possibly improved the CM its well and truly worth the pain!!

and seriously we sure its only Wednesday?? Its so hard going back to work, especially when you love you job! Bring on the weekend already! Seeing as I have 1 more cycle for a shot at maternity leave if I finish up work early, after that I might start looking for a new position. I am over the 10/11hour stressful days without breaks.

UPDATE:

And wow the ovulation pains are there today! Left ovary is going for it! haha!

All good things must come to an end

Well my last day of holidays is nearly over. I am looking forward to seeing the girls at work tomorrow but definitely not looking forward to going back!

More results have trickled in and all are completely normal and within range. Still have a couple more to come but so far nothing is standing out. I do hope this month is our turn. They say for someone my age u should fall pregnant in 6 months so 5 sounds good to me :)

I have been working at putting into place everything that the Naturopath said. I have bought an aluminum drink bottle, a pyrex lunch dish, apparently PVA's have been linked to gender swaying in men due to the mimicking effect of oestrogen. So I am really trying to limit them. I bought as much organic food as I could today at shopping. Hurt my bank account but I figure its cheaper than IVF if it works.

Get to try my super smoothie tomorrow morning. Hope it tastes OK! But then again I have always just dealt with crap tasting stuff if I know its good for me. The powder stuff she has me on before dinner is gross but I just shot it down.

Chiropractor tomorrow for some adjustments! YAY. Love the chiro! It always releases so much tension in my back.

Well best cook dinner. Yum Yum!