It's hard

Well day 2 of control crying and it's definitely hard work! He is going down for naps well but usually takes one cry session. I know it's only day 2 but it still breaks my heart to hear him crying :( night time was good he only woke at 11:15 and 3:15 but he only took 140ml at 11:15 so not surprised he wanted another feed at 3:15.

I managed to unblock that duct last night which was good. Omg the relief was amazing! We went all day yesterday and last night without a breast feed. He had one this morning and one just now (2:30pm) I don't mind mix feeding my concern is he won't take the bottle properly. Before this feed I knew he was hungry he hasn't taken a full formula dose which I was just putting down to it being thicker than breast milk and might just take some time. Yesterday he did really well 180ml every 4 hours(for his age it should be 220ml) but this morning he took 80ml formula then 4 hours later only had 100ml expressed breast milk. I knew it wasn't enough so I kept trying to give him the bottle. 2.5hours of crying later I gave in a gave him the boob. I hate hearing him cry but I can't keep giving in because he well learn that I do and will always keep doing it because he knows eventually I will give in :(

I do miss breast feeding him though it's definitely a close bonding experience for mum and bub. I would love to think I can mix feed him, one breast feed in the morning would be nice. The snuggle cuddles in bed are one of my favorite times of the day.

We will get there though, I am wondering if he is teething too so that might be making him a bit more grizzly and clingy which of course doesn't help matters. He has no redness or anything so I am a bit reluctant to think it's that. Could be me dropping his night dose of losec? He seems a little refluxy but nothing like he was!

Some days I think it would be so nice to have a health nurse here or something just to watch him and me. Maybe I am doing the wrong things. For a baby that never sleeps which i am trying to get into a sleeping routine he always shows tired signs. I am putting him down at 9 and 3 but is this right? Should I be doing it another way? I am worried that I am doing it wrong and it will fail and we will end up in a worse position.

Again it's only day 2 so I just have to persist.

Body wise I am really wondering if AF is about to show up. I have so many of my old signs but I know with breast feeding things are different.

I want to send a big shout out to a fellow ttc friend who is still on that very hard road. Hi Cookie :) If anyone reads this please send sticky vibes her way! Please let this FET stick!

That's about all for today really. off for a ride or run when DH gets home from work. 15.7kg down 4kg till I am pre this pregnancy weight and 19kg till I am pre all pregnancy weight!

Can't believe it's February already! My sister is due in 6 weeks! Wow!

A week of changes

:( it breaks my heart but the control crying has begun. I am getting extremely exhausted from the no sleep but even worse is he is always so over tired and therefore grizzly and grumpy and his hands always shake and he doesn't really grab at things much. All this made me realise his lack of sleep is being detrimental to him. He wasn't napping more than 2x20min nap during the day and would go down at 7pm up at 11pm, 2am, and 4am for a feed then up for the day at 5-5:30am. He doesn't cry at all at night he just stirs and I get him and feed him back to sleep, this of course is what did the damage. I never wanted him to wake because he sleeps in our room and as DH had to get up and go to work I didn't want him disturbed. But if course Tyler now expects to be fed back to sleep at those times! I have tried just resettling him at 2am but he fights and fights and wants a feed.

All this has led to us adopting the control crying method. It really breaks my heart to hear him cry and I really want to pick him up and give him big cuddles but I know what we r trying to do will be better in the long run.

So we did the first episode this morning, we did 30mins all up (5,15,10) and as he still wouldn't settle and 30mins is the max on day 1 so I had to feed him to sleep.

As he didn't wake up till 12:30 we will see of we get another nap in today but he slept for nearly 3 hours as he was so tired. Normally l wouldn't think any more than an hour or so. Going on this we have set the timings as up at 6:30am, nap @ 9 and 3, then bed at 8pm and a feed at 12ish. This of course needs to be stuck to strictly until the routine is established and then we can have some flexibility. It's going to be a tough few weeks but we will get there!

I have to say though he is so much more contented now he has had a big sleep!

Other than that DH and I have decided it's time to start reducing the breatfeeding. This is partly to break the feeding to sleep but also reducing his dependency on me. We will probably go 24-48 hours with just the bottle and I will express. Then we may have a couple of breast feeds a day. I have no issues with formula and my breast milk just never seems enough. I am also finding it extremely frustrating that unless i keep my calorie intake really high my milk starts to dry up! Oh and yesterday i developed a blocked duct. Omfg ouch! I can't unblock it even feeding Tyler I had no luck and it's getting really painful. I need to unblock it before it turns into mastitis. :( nothing seems to be working. Some days I really do hate breast feeding! I don't think I will continue much longer.

This of course means one thing is for sure my cycle will return soon! How long will it take us to fall pregnant?

I am really excited and nervous all at the same time. I am excited about being pregnant again and having another baby I am nervous because what if we have trouble conceiving? I don't want to have to go through that pain again so soon! Once we r pregnant those first 12weeks are so scary! The thought of another miscarriage terrifies me!

Of course all of this is just jumping the gun lol! Patience was never my strong point!

Wow what a novel!

Rules for mothers with son's

I read this just before it's beautiful!


http://studerteam.blogspot.com.au/2011/11/25-rules-for-mothers-of-sons.html?spref=fb&m=1

The baby mind games continue

Seriously who ever hijacked my brain and has taken it over with baby pop up spam please go away leave me in peace!

I am back to constantly thinking about babies! Why? Seriously wtf is wrong with my brain. I am so happy with the little man he is coming along in leaps and bounds and is so happy most of the time. We have cut out his night dose of losec and is doing great. All the while my brain is thinking about being pregnant again.

It maybe due to a few different things, it is now feb and we always said we would wean Tyler off the boob and start trying again in March. That's next month!!! We always wanted the first two close together!

The other factor is I am only a couple of kg off my pre pregnancy weight. Again another thing I said I wanted to reach before I fell pregnant again.

Tyler will be 6 months in the 12 march. Wow time has flown!

I am working on sleep at the moment. I am doing a mix of control crying and comforting to sleep all depending in his mood. At the moment he is in a foul mood so its control crying. I refuse to allow him to feed to sleep and he needs to learn to self settle. It's a hard line I am putting him on but this must stop. I am considering sleep school depending if these things I am trying don't work. The kid has to learn to sleep! Not from my perspective but his! If he sleeps he is happy if he doesn't he us a grumbly grouch! He also has this bad shake in his hands and I am putting that down to being over tired all the time!

Ok that's enough crying better go try to put him to sleep again!

Progress

It's amazing how much babies can progress in a few days. We had a couple of days where Tyler had forgotten how to do everything to now doing so much more. Lots of rolling, he has just found his feet, face plant bum in the air kinda movement across the floor. Playing with toys on his jumperroo rather than just jumping. Very talkative. Oh and he can now sit on his own for a decent amount of time. Such a good little man.

We also bought him his first pair of shoes! Oh and he has had his first kiss such a ladies man! Lol he is chucking a tantrum better go

Reflux

Well my attempt to ween him off his meds was a complete fail! He is in so much pain. Doing all those horrible things again and he can't even remember how to do all that stuff he was easily like rolling. He won't feed, screams all the time, always throwing his head back, chewing tobacco, clenched fists. :( my poor little man.

I know he was meant to be off it for his 6 month paed appointment but I know he still needs it I can see he hasn't grown out of it. I am not going to let go on in pain! :(

This is him in one if his size 0 tops!(still 00 pants.) love this pic though he looks like a real little boy! Oh and a couple more lol

Ok maybe not!

Agh!!!! Seriously wtf is wrong with me I know now isn't a good time to have a baby, my reasoning well we would have 9 months!!

I even went for a really good run 4km and I made it really hurt! Yet here I am sitting here thinking about having another baby!

Yep lots of posts but I truly feel like I am going crazy!

On another note looks like we r moving ahead and we will be relocating in the next 6 weeks. Very excited!