17th November

It looks like we have gotten Tyler's medication under control again. he is again much happier this morning. He cried for a bit but once the medication set in he was all good. He is supposed to be napping now but fighting it. He wants to fall asleep on me but I wont let him! no way we are getting into that habit! He is yawning his head off so its only a matter of time!

So yesterday he rolled over for the first time. It will take a bit longer before he actually masters it but he is getting there.  We have 2 chatty times of day, first one around 5am and the second around 4pm.  he just loves to talk to you. he coos and giggles and responds to you.  He is getting lots more tummy time every day and spends a little bit more time in his bumbo. He is absolutely loving his jolly jumper.  He is still too young for it but he jumps a little in it and steps and moves all around.  I don't keep him in there more than 5 mins because he is that little bit too young but when he is smiling I can't exactly take him out.

Finally asleep after hours of screaming in pain! One of the rare times I let him fall fully asleep on me! 

my peaceful little munch kin, look at those tubby cheeks!

napping after a swim yesterday! 

Morning play time.  We put toys his hands so he can practice holding them and feel different textures and things.  He has now started trying to put them in his mouth!

my napping little munch kin.  I still can't believe how big he is getting. 

Negative

So I tested this morning and it came back negative! I was surprised to feel relief! I am excited to fall pregnant and i hope it happens soon, the thing that was stressing me out was if I was pregnant i would have already been 6 weeks or something and seeing as Tyler is only 9 weeks that was too crazy!!! Happy Plodding along where I am right now, i have just got back into my running well when I can and i would like to keep at it for a bit. I want tO loose another 10kg before I fall Pregnant, I mean if I haven't and I do then so be it be I just wasn't ready to be that far along. Tyler has had a few Very bad days. New batch of losec and I knew it wasn't wOrking Tyler had been screaming uP a storm since i had started it. I rang the pharmacy they said 5 other bottles made the same day no other complaints. Well when i was shaking the bottle yesterday afternoon I noticed a heap of stuff stuck to the bottom. This of course would have to be the drug. So I shook the bottle for over 20mins but I did get it all Off. Anyway an hour after I gave it to him he settled and has been great ever since! We grocery shopping, for a swim and now he is napping peacefully! Thank goodness! I really hate seeing him in the much pain. It really makes me feel so useless that I can't help especially when i know what it is! I am off to the dr in the morning. My left nipple isn't getting any better, still feels like it's being sliced with a razor when he first attaches. I am ok with it just need to make sure it's not thrush or other bacterial thing. I am not Prone to thrush I have only ever had it once down there and Tyler is showing no signs of it but u never know! Thinking I might start tracking my weight loss journey on here too until I fall pregnant! 25kg to go!!!

29

So yesterday I entered the last year of my 20's.  Was a pretty crap day all round.  Started with DH forgetting it! He did remember and I got a hug and wished a happy birthday and that was it.  He is paying for it now though cause he is in big trouble!!  Then poor Tyler screamed ALL day! He threw up his morning dose of Losec I think, either that or I thought the new batch wasn't working, so he was in pain all day.  After his afternoon dose at 3pm he settled and crashed out until 6pm, he woke enough to get a bath and a feed and crashed out again from 7:30-10:30 and then again from 10:45-2:30 finally waking at 4am for his morning poo ritual! That to me is GREAT sleep though :) especially seeing as I haven't given him his top up formula of an evening for a while now.

As for me not sure what is up :( been feeling really unwell of late.  I started getting really tired about 4 days ago, felt too tired to lift my own harms and legs. Picking Tyler up was a real struggle I just couldn't cope with his weight I am a bit better now but still struggle, he feels like he is about 50kg not 6!  I had been getting heaps of sleep so who knows.  Then I started feeling nauseous 2 days ago.  I have nearly spontaneously thrown up a few times.  I am getting really really hungry quickly even after a big meal and it doesn't take me long to start feeling really sick if I don't eat something. If I knew there was no way I could be pregnant I would think I was.  We have DTD 4 times since Tyler was born! Yep crazy hey lol!!! Twice at around 4/5 weeks once around 6 weeks and then again at about 8 weeks. The first two we used the pull out method, third a condom and 4th nothing.  But I definitely couldn't be feeling pregnant from the one just over a week ago, and the other three very unlikely to be pregnant from those.  We used the pull out method successfully for 2 years and I know its not that we couldn't fall pregnant because ever time we tried well when my tube wasn't blocked we fell pregnant straight away. I did have spotting on about the 3rd or 4th November, it was around the time we DTD so it could have been from that, I had some strong cramps in the days following, figured AF was on its way but never showed. I am still getting light cramps pretty much every day but I figured its my body trying to figure itself out.

I have ordered some cheap hpt's of ebay and I am waiting for them to arrive. I will test but I am pretty much 100% sure I am not pregnant. Just annoying because after TTC for so long I knew exactly what my body was doing, now I have no idea.  I know I am not pregnant but have no idea why I am feeling this way! Maybe AF is finally on its way, I have been waiting for it to appear since I had that spotting and cramping 2 weeks ago.

Besides that I started Motilium at about 5 weeks and went off it about 4 days ago although I was only taking 2 a day if I remembered it for about a week! That increases your prolactin level and means there was even less chance that my body was even ovulating! I know I have definitely ovulated once I had all the signs and my body is normally pretty reliable, and it was around the time my milk supply pretty much vanished between the 4-5week mark, but as I said we pretty much had protect s3x.

Anyway enough babbling about that. Stupid brain still hasn't returned, apparently it never will!

I have my weekly mummies group this morning. One of the grandmas is an ex preschool teacher so she is going to start coming along and we are going to do sensory singing stuff?? All new to me my mum didn't even sing nursery rhymes to me. Looking forward to it though, I think Tyler will love it.

I had a look at a milestone chart the other day, Tyler is doing really well, he has ticked off all the 2 month ones already even the advanced ones and is starting to do some of the 3 month stuff.  I can't believe in 3 weeks he will be 12 weeks old!! CRAZY.  he isn't 3 months for another week after that!

2 Months

Well our little man was 2 months old yesterday! he will be 9 weeks tomorrow! I can't believe how fast time is travelling!

Not much happening really, my birthday tomorrow. Nothing exciting this year although its going to be one of the best now that I have my little man to celebrate it with.

Some comparison photos.

4 Days old! So tiny!

2 months (8weeks 6days)old! little budda

When you look at it like that its amazing to realise how small he was.  As you spend all the time with your bub you know they are growing and getting bigger but until you see a photo like this you just don't realise. 

These are from this mornings tummy time! I can't believe how strong he is starting to get. 

In this one he is looking up at me. He pushed himself up so high just so he could see me. Smart little bugger! 

Loving it! Have to love those smiles!

He is fascinated with my camera/phone.  Doesn't help that its ALWAYS in his face! haha definitely wont have DH's and my problem of hating photos being taken! I asked him this morning if he wanted an iPhone, he cooed back at me so I am taking it as a yes lol!

Tyler update

I am definitely getting good at this, day 3 and Tyler is asleep during witching hour!!! :)

So I had an appointment with the health nurse at the local hospital today. I didn't really feel I needed to go but I had booked it ages ago and when they rang me yesterday to remind me I figured I would just go!

Tyler is doing great, at 8weeks4days he is 5.80kg, 60cm long and 39cm head circ. So both his length and weight are in the 75th percentile and his head 25th. I did think he had a smaller head :)

She also said that I am doing great. She was pleased to hear that all the problems I had with breast feeding and Tyler's attachment and reflux extra that I am almost completely breastfeeding expect for a 60ml formula top up at night so I get a bigger stretch of sleep.  On formula he sleeps about 4 hours on breast milk only 2. I do have to get my butt to the Dr though, my left nipple is really painful when Tyler first attaches. It settles right down but OMG it hurts.

Tyler is getting very chatty now.  Loves to coo and giggle with you. His smiles are fantastic I will never ever get tired of those!

So he is 2 months tomorrow. Wow time is flying. Tomorrow also marks the day 2 years ago we found out our little girl pearl had died. Seems like a lifetime ago now, and although she will always be in my heart and never forgotten, I now believe that things happen for a reason and if we hadn't lost our two angels I wouldn't have my gorgeous little boy now.

First official open home tomorrow. Seriously can't wait for it to all be over. This house is so big and keeping it inspection ready is so hard some days especially with a little baby. Lucky I have my mum so close to come and help.

I still haven't heard back from the bank, hopeless! Will deal with them on Monday. We did put an offer on a place today though.  Will see what they say, I don't expect them to accept it as its less than what they paid for it 3 years ago and they have done a fair bit of work to it.  Unfortunately the market just isn't there.

Well I am going to head off for a run :)

Witching hour

Well for the 2nd day in a row I have managed to get Tyler down for a nap during witching hour.  It isn't easy but we are getting there.  His witching hour is mainly because he is so tired and its so hot here at the moment. I feed him until he milk comas out, put him in his swing and booya!

Well I didn't manage to get any further with my mission this morning.   I did contact the bank but they are still yet to get back to me.  I thought the idea of being a platinum customer with your own personal banker meant these things happened faster! Guess not!

My sister arrives tonight for the weekend.  Will be good for her to spend some time with Tyler.  She hasn't seen him in 6 weeks. I think she will really amazed at how much he has grown.  She is nearly 22weeks now.  Can't wait till March when I get to meet her little one! I have to organise her baby shower and another good friend's.  Both due in March.  Lucky for me my sister will be based in Darwin so I will be holding hers early due to flying restrictions.

Nearly the weekend! Not that it really matters lol.  We are having a photo day on Sunday for my Grandma.  All of my mums side of the family are getting together to have photos done.  It will be the first time in 10 years the whole family has been together.  She has emphysema and stomach cancer and has gotten really frail over the last 2 years, so we thought we should do this before its too late.  In saying that I spent some time with her on the weekend and for her age she is still doing so well.

Trying to get back into running,  I have been a few times now. DH and I came to an arrangement if he takes Tyler every afternoon so I can go for a run, he can go fishing once a fortnight or what ever he wants to do. So far I have been twice. Its just too busy in the afternoons and as Tyler can be grumbly in the afternoons its a bit hard for DH to come home from work and get handed a crying baby! I always pass him over settled but he doesn't stay that way especially if he wants food which in the evenings he does and LOTS of it!  I am loosing weight though I can fit in some normal denim cut off shorts now which is great.  Still a long way to go though.

In terms of #2 well we actually have to DTD first! Very hard with a little bub lol! We have a few times since Tyler was born but all those we used the pull out method so definitely not pregnant yet.  I am not expecting anything but it will be nice to know there is a possibility once we do actually DTD! lol

Time for some more photos. :) I really do have to remember to be this trigger happy with all my children. I know how I feel when I go looking for baby photos of my and there are hardly any but a million of my sister!

Milk Coma!! love the bed hair!

All ready for summer! Can't wait to take him for his first swim, will probably be on the weekend when DH can be there too. 

Bumbo!!! not completely ready for it but nearly! Just need that little bit more neck strength

Stress

It is amazing how different people deal with stress.  I have had to deal with lots over the years and have learnt how to cope very well with it. I used to be a bigger worrier but one day I decided it wasn't worth worrying about so many different things and to move on and since then my stress has been something completely different.

My DH on the other hand doesn't cope with stress at all! I think he is suffering from post natal depression and because of his break down last night I didn't get to bed until about 9:30, I was up with Tyler at 10:30 till 11:15, up again at 1:30 and haven't been back to sleep since! Very tired!

The issues we are currently facing that with DH starting his own business, me not working, the big mortgage over this place and the arrangement with my parents and their separation, the auction, moving, 9 week old baby, has caused all the stress to max out.  I have been sitting here with Tyler since 4am writing everything out. all the pros and cons if we decided to go back to renting, if I returned to work, if I started my own business and honestly I am no further ahead than before I started! I honestly don't know how to help DH with this one.  He wants to go back to renting but I am concerned this will mean we wont ever re-enter the buying market. Also that it will create a liquid lifestyle with less commitment and responsibility and he can return to his young boy hood ways. Which if that is what he wants to do that is his choice. Renting is about the same as the mortgage amount we would need after the money we have left from this house.  We would have no other debt because we will have paid all of that out.

I didn't want to return to work because I wanted to be able to focus on our family.  I don't think that is possible.  I would love to work from home but that involves initial outlays of money, money we just don't have right now. That too though increases the stress as it would be other business to run.

Also the problem with renting is that we have 2 dogs and 2 cats. none of which we would ever want to give away.  They were our children before Tyler came along and they still are our fur children.  They are part of this family and will be till the day they pass on. Finding a rental that takes that many animals would be near to impossible.  We also need a house with side access and a shed as DH still needs to run his business from home.

We can't move in with my mum because her house and property doesn't cater for our medium sized dogs. That and she already has two small dogs and two cats of her own. that would be 4 dogs and 4 cats, 3 adults and 1 baby all under the same roof!  My dad lives on an industrial property so that isn't an option and we don't particularly get along anyway, oh and he definitely wouldn't want a baby living with him, he has seen Tyler 3 times since he was born. DHs family don't live anywhere near us.

Also with Buying re mortgaging our loan would be near impossible as I am not working and DH has only been in his business about 6 months! Currently its with my parents trust account but as they separated in February and are fighting like cats and dogs, we can't really keep some of the loan with them. we need to pay it fully out.

So ultimately I have no F-ing idea what to do.  I am the rock in this family so I need to figure something out! pfft on a few hours sleep that will be fun!