Emotional and pissed off

Warning angry rant!
11 DPO and I am 99.9% sure we aren't UTD again this cycle.

Thing that pisses me off even more is I get all the symptoms.  My BBS are killing me, they are massive and the veins are really prominent. I have cramping high on the left hand side. My heart burn is really painful. But all this means nothing.  I have gotten it every month leading up to AF! and simply I just don't feel it. I don't feel pregnant.  I am 11DPO now and with only 1 day left in the possible implantation window I know it has to be over!

So now I am angry and emotional! Why do I have to have all the pain and come up with nothing.  My bra and shirt simply just hurt and like I said the heart burn is unbearable! If I was pregnant yay goodie I wouldn't care but to go through that and get AF. BullSHIT!!

My CM has dried up that is basically why I know AF is on the way. Classic sign for me.  Not feeling irritable. I can normally pick that. When I feel PMS irritable I feel like I could explode and just punch everyone. Like the hulk uncontrollable rage hahahaha! but now I am just angry, sad, disappointed and overall emotional! boo! I honestly don't have the energy to keep doing this month after month. I am tired of my life being on hold.  I have been good the last few month, don't think about it too much, have fun and enjoy things, but everything is oh can't do that might be pregnant, might affect a baby, might affect pregnancy. They say preconception stuff is supposed to boost the chance of falling pregnant. LOAD OF CRAP!!

I know this anger wont achieve anything but I am allowed to be angry at the world! I miss out on maternity leave but I suppose I at least have 1 more shot before my 28th Birthday! Guess I should be happy about that! Not sure why! Gee thanks Mr universe force me to go through 13months of hell but hey I should be grateful
 you have given me another shot before my birthday. Don't think so!

Well best get back to work! As unproductive as I feel like being I unfortunately can't be!