So excited

Well it's my sisters due date tomorrow!! I can wait for my little Niece or nephew to arrive. I had up on the 29th to visit them. I was going to go the 28th but flights to Darwin are expensive and only twice a day so the 29th was the best deal I could find.

It's so exciting to imagine what sex the baby is going to be, what they are going to look like etc. The anticipation has me bouncing around the room.

Not much happening on my front. Not sure what to think about this whole maybe pregnant thing. I know timing was spot on but the likelihood isn't that great but I have been thinking about the possibility if I am. I need to be on 5mg folate due to my spina bifida occulta, I am on a pregnancy multi anyway ad I bought a bulk pack when I was breast feeding. It is a blackmores one, i was on elevit with Tyler surely they aren't that much different?

I am watching what I eat to an extent but I don't want to invest too much into this if I am not actually pregnant because i am worried it will bring disappointment. Yes B and I are separated but now the thought of having another baby has been dangled in front of me it's hard to switch my mind off.

Anyway that's enough mulling over it. I have a heap of cheap hpt's here so I might start testing on Sunday (10dpo)

Some pics to finish

Oops

So I find myself in a little bit of a predicament! Where to start? Obviously DH and I live apart but he visits Tyler daily. Tyler needs his dad in his life and although I am sad about what happened and it's hard to see him everyday I know I have to do the right thing by Tyler. So he came over on tuesday as per normal and gave Tyler is bath.

After Tyler was in bed we were sitting on the couch talking and watching the biggest loser. Well not really sure how it happened but one thing led to another and we DTD!

Now this doesn't bother me we both needed the company and we are still attracted to each other. I am not sure on the feelings we both just aren't thinking about it we simply need time out from that! This is simply just physical. It happened again last night.

Now here comes the oops i was looking at when i am heading to Darwin after my sisters bub is born. I am looking to head around the 28th. I was looking at my phone calendar for dates when I noticed that the 29th is the day AF is due. First thought bummer i will have AF while I am away!

2nd though omfg! We DTD the 2 days leading up to ovulation. I had EWCM (lots of it) on Tuesday but I didn't even trigger until I actually thought about it. This month was the first one i didn't have baby brain. i hadn't once thought about having another baby or have that want to be pregnant again. I felt like AF only just finished. But i guess the desire to DTD is always stronger around ovulation and perhaps why I gave into the lust feeling! Normally I wouldn't let myself give into that kind of thing.

So this now makes me in the 2ww. Ovulation was either yesterday or today and as my body is clockwork I have no doubt i did. I know there is only a 1/4 chance at falling pregnant every cycle and perhaps less at my age but in my history if there wasn't a problem (blocked tube from miscarriage) I fell pregnant 3 times the first month trying!

How do i feel about this. I am very doubtful I will fall pregnant! Not sure why but if I am I am excited. I am not sure how things will fair with DH and I, perhaps he will get help for his drug issue but having kids to different dads always played on my mind. I know it happens all the time but I wanted Tyler to have a full brother or sister.

I will be taking every day as it comes I will think about it when I get there and am in fact pregnant.

Testing day will be the 27th the day before I fly out to Darwin!

1/2 birthday

Well it was the little man's half birthday on Monday! Time is absolutely flying and I love being a mummy everything about it. He is my world and I couldn't imagine life with out him.

6months

Happy place

So I am settling into this single mummy life. It gets lonely but I have lots of friends to keep me company! I am still having issues with ex DH. He expects to come and see Tyler everyday but isn't willing to take on any parent responsibilities. He hasn't provided any financial support for months yet Tyler needs to eat and have nappies and clothes etc. He whinges every time he is here about having not eaten as he has no money! Umm hello go to work then. He has stopped doing everything in life bar drugs and fishing and footy. Still so shocked that I could be so wrong about a person!!

The little man is so close to taking flight with his crawling. He is so much stronger than a week ago he just has to coordinate moving the arms an legs to go forward at the moment its lift up rock back and forward and flop lol its a method of moving but not too efficient! I think it helps that his little girlfriend who is a day younger than him and who we see regularly started crawling about 3 weeks ago and is already pulling herself up. As Tyler has so much strength in his legs I don't think he will crawl for long. I am happy for him To stay at the crawling stage for a while though crawling Is so cute. It's funny though most babies develop crawling and things from seeing a toy they want to trying to get to it. Tyler has no interest in the toys. He plays with them for sure but he simply just wants to be moving! he seems to tiny to be crawling though he isn't even 6 months.

I am thinking about getting something done with my hair. It's been a year since I had it cut!! Might get some foils or something put through it. Can't decide really. Tyler looks so much like his dad i like that he has my hair and as mine is it's natural colour at the moment u can see he has mummy's hair. It's always a nice lift to have ur hair done though!!

I am back into exercise again which is nice. I do something when Tyler is down for a nap. It's starting to pay off though and I am back in a size 12 and I actually bought some bra and undie sets yesterday $5 at kmart but they are 12B. I like having my boobs back to normal size. I haven't been this bra size since my first pregnancy in sept 09.

Well a few things to do while the little man is napping so I should go do them.

Life is good! I am really happy right now :) some days r hard but I just remember what I have and how lucky I am. :)

Almost

The little man is almost there. From his slight hands and knee push up on Friday he is now right up and rocking back and forth!!! He is 6 months next Monday he is certainly growing up so fast!

We start at play group Australia tomorrow. I am really looking forward to this. It will give Tyler a good chance to start seeing other babies more often and it will give him that extra education and stimulation he needs.

Oh not sure if I mentioned it but Tyler had some yogurt the other day! He absolutely loves it! So now we have veggies or fruit in the morning, yogurt in the afternoon and rice cereal at dinner. He still has 5 bottles a day so I know he isn't have to much solid food. I only give him what he wants. He clams he mouth shut when he has had enough.

I can't upload a video if him rocking so a pic will have to do.

Rough bumpy road

I have been having a few rough days, probably doesn't help being on AF and having a cold.

As i have mentioned, Now that we are all move the loneliness has set in a bit. There a few reasons for this. Mainly its because Tyler is so little most of his playing is at home on a rug. This is a little boring for me although i do love playing with him sometimes u need to do some other stuff. I keep the house clean and tidy so I don't have anything to do there, I don't want to do baking as there is only me to eat it!

I haven't had any motivation at all to do any exercise. Yesterday I sorted out my treadmill and things so today when Tyler goes down for a nap I am going to make myself do something!

My lack of motivation is something else though. I just don't see how any man would want to get involved in any of this? Tyler is young so I can't date. He is my one priority and he will always be more important than any man. Not sure how that would go down!

I have absolutely no one I can trust him with. Ex DH might be stoned so he definitely isn't going there. My mum is an alcoholic that has gotten worse and worse lately to the point where she lit up a cigarette while she was holding Tyler. Big no no. I would never say she has to stop smoking she is an adult but Tyler didn't ask to smoke so she should not be smoking around him. She just isn't thinking straight at all and I don't think he would be her top priority if she was looking after him. So that leaves no one. I have friends but they all have kids so I wouldn't leave him with them. Besides when I see them it's good mummy chat time.

This is a rambling mess. I am sure these feelings will pass. Being a single mum is hard and definitely lonely and u hope one day u might meet a lovely man but with the reality the way it is u find it hard to think how it could possibly happen!

We're up!!!

The little man is up on his hands and knees @ 5months 3 weeks!!! He started yesterday out of absolutely no where! I was gob smacked! So I don't think it will be long before he works out what to do next and is on the move. He has going back ward all worked out lol.

Not much else happening move is all done. Gets a bit lonely. After being in a relationship for so long and thinking it would never end, being alone is hard to get used to. But in time I will.

Today is CD2. AF showed up yesterday exactly 28days after stopping breast feeding. It's good to know my body bounced back and is working as it should straight away. It will be a very long time before another baby is an option! Lol have to meet someone first.

Some pics