First of all this has nothing to do with bub. Just over 13weeks until we meet him and I honestly can't wait. So excited about new born cuddles again and the tiny baby clothes etc!
This is the feeling of just wanting a daughter. Its always in the back of my mind always something I am thinking about just sometimes it just gets me down.
Which is silly! This is where the guilt comes in. I do have 2 gorgeous boys and another on the way. Recently a mum from Tyler's dig lost her daughter during delivery. Having healthy babies is the main thing I know this but I can't shake this want for a girl.
In my mind I am set on having 4 so I know I have one more shot. I know I can give it everything I have to gender sway but what if it doesn't work? I should be happy its a healthy baby and of course I will be I will do this again. But knowing I won't have 5 will it be worse?
the Ivf/PGD is something I think about but one is the cost but it's also that we can have kids naturally without issues why do I find the need to force a girl? I keep saying what will be will be an if its meant to be a boy then it is but I'm also a scientist and people have help to have babies all the time why can't I get help to have the baby I so long for?
I think deep down we will do it naturally with the gender sway but I am already so nervous about finding out its a boy. Its years away and already I feel the anxiety from it.
Just rambling now it's such a hard thing to explain.
I am exhausted from having kids so close together but I know as they get older it will get easier. Once we have a bigger car adding the next child won't be hard well until school fees hit. Also having more kids means we are restricted for money available to each child. 4 was my limit but if its a boy will I be able to stop at 4? Will I ever get over this feeling? Agh!
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