Constantly being tested

So for a while now I have been feeling really good. Back into exercising and still eating really well. I have put on a bit of weight which I am annoyed at but oh well. 

I was really coming around to the idea I 4 boys. I know for sure we will have a 4th. I just feel its in my heart to have another. 

I was happy knowing it would be another boy, we will still give the whole gender sway anothe go but I was so sure it would be a boy that I was actually not even going to find out. If u have 3 of the same the chance of another the same is very high. Simply means ur good at making one gender. I could see 4 boys, I had said good bye to the little girl and moved on. 

But then FB comes at me. I am so considering signing off for good! Saw pics this morning of a mum with 3 boys gave birth to her little girl. So of course I think wow it is possible to have a girl after 3 boys. the last few days everything girl has been in my face. I had been dealing well until that. Dropping Tyler at daycare the director was telling me its her daughters formal on Wednesday and she is on the formal committee and all the stuff that got up to on the weekend. I will never have that. The dress shopping the getting ready none of it. I am trying to forget about it but seeing as I always pictured myself with a daughter until recently I am finding that the strength and resolve I am trying to have in letting go is continually being tested. Why? 

I have kinda stepped back from the world a bit so I don't have to be bombarded with all things girl but I just can't get away. Is it ever going to go away or will I always long for a daughter? 

Number 4 is a while away I will be returning to work etc as we have to buy a new car no if buts or maybes there. Part of the gender sway involves me losing all my weight which I am super keen to do anyway. I know some people can make girls when carrying extra weight but going by the only time I know for sure we made a girl both B and I were a lot lighter. Bub will probably be around 2 when we look to go again. 

On other news bubba boy is doing great. Well I think its still a boy. lol I refer to him as him and he all the time and did so through out the 20week scan. I asked the tech to confirm she glanced at his parts for 1/2 of a sec and went yep boy. I think I saw his bits in that brief moment. I had thought I saw 3 lines earlier when she was moving around looking at the stomach and stuff but I guess it was something else! I couldn't imagine him not being a boy now. Especially seeing as he has a name lol. Over half way now. Yay bring on march, can't wait to meet him.