FRUSTRATION!!!!

OK I am starting to get frustrated to the MAX and I am seriously so over it.  I have planned to continue work until 36weeks which is fine, I partly don't have a choice and work is just really starting to make me angry and I am getting to the point where I just want to walk out!!!

OK so quick background.  The company I currently work for is ceasing from the 30th June (yep 4 weeks!!) We are in the process of transferring over into the university system.  Thats all fine, we are currently still waiting on final employment contracts but I don't see why it would be an issue.

Unfortunately due to the decrease in funding for science research from the federal government, our customer orders have reduced and we unfortunately couldn't renew one of the staff's contracts after June (on paper it looks like not much work but we are FLAT out!).  Meanwhile another staff member has been planning a move interstate and her partner may have just found a job.  She has said to not leave us in the lurch she would finish up on the 2nd September.  With that though she has asked for the 1st week of July off to help her partner move, then every 2nd week she wants to take wed afternoon, Thursday and Friday off so she can visit him for the weekend.  Now remember are loosing a staff member on the 30th June so that leaves myself, and 3/4 timer (the one wanting all the leave) and a 2day part timer left to do all the work.  My manager is still around but doesn't work in the laboratory anymore.  On top of that my manager is away until the 20th June and again from the 25th July-8th Aug, which means I have to do her job as well hence why I can't take Maternity leave any earlier.  This not only means there is NO way I can take the 1 day a week off as holidays I was planning starting at the end of June but I wont even be able to have a sick day if I am not up to it! This is whilst being heavily pregnant!!!  I travel 2 hours commute everyday, and start at 7 and finish about 4:30 sometimes 5!!!  Also in this time I will have to train my maternity replacement, and coordinate the hand over of all skills of those that are leaving! Now I know I wanted this management role but seriously its a JOKE! Whilst I appreciate the staff member want to stay on to help us out leaving on the 2nd of September is a really crap time.  It would be easier, to get someone new now, train them whilst I am still able to move freely and don't get exhausted at the drop of a hat! then they can train my maternity replacement or I could even train them both at the same time.  There are things they will take longer to pick up but my manager will be here to help with those things.

Then to top it off this week, because the manager is currently away the staff have been taking extended lunch breaks, turning up late and leaving early, asking for time off 1/2 days here and there etc. I know its a difficult time and we are going through a transition and things are uncertain but seriously why can people just not do their job!

So that is my frustration right now, I keep reminding myself that I am in it for the maternity leave and there is only 10weeks and 2 days to go! I have no idea how I am possibly going to get through those 10weeks but once I do I can stop and hopefully get a chance to relax a little bit before bub comes.  My worry is the stress and working so hard and pushing myself will bring on early labour! It would be my luck to be stressed out for the next 10weeks and then bub comes 4 weeks early! Whilst I can't wait to meet little peanut, 4 weeks for a bit of time out is going to be well and truly needed so I am not so stressed out when bubs finally does come.

On another note, OB appointment this afternoon, looking forward to that, get to see peanut again, its active again today after 2 quieter days. on the quiet days I get REALLY sore boobs and nipples, heart burn goes through the roof even with Zantec, and I simply just can't sleep.  My guess is peanut goes through a growth spurt and then the few days following its SO active.  I love feeling the big kicks though! I will get the OB to check on growth though, I do still feel like I haven't grown enough, everyone keeps saying how small I am for 25+ weeks! :( stupid people! Things like that make a 1st time mum worry.

Well will update tonight after my appointment, now I just have to try and get through the day with a rational head and not just walk out of this place!!!

Nesting

25weeks

So the nesting has well and truly started.  Other women had told me about it. I really didn't see it ever happening to me but it has!!! I have gone absolutely crazy today.  I felt like a woman possessed.  I didn't get everything done that I wanted to but thats OK I keep reminding myself I do still have 15weeks to go! Although I would like to have everything completed by about 35weeks. 

The good news is the nursery is mostly finished! YAY! DH has been doing some work on it this week/weekend so the were the main big things left. Once they were done I could do my little bits.  I have attached some photos at the end of this post.  I still want to get some art for the walls, and have to hang the nappy stacker, there is another shelving cupboard to go in next to the change table, DH is in the middle of making this (I  really like things to be organised and in there place so the more storage the better!) I am getting some blinds made up and still looking for curtains. 

I have also started getting all the other little stuff.  Nappy wipes, bottles, breast milk bottles, steriliser, bottle cleaners, disposable breast pads, washable bamboo breast pads, baby wash and shampoo etc.  I still have lots to buy but I am going to buy up as it comes on special.  I also got a whole heap of clothes.  I have to wash them all although they are clean they aren't my clean lol, but there are so many.  Only 00000 and 0000 at this point.  They are coming from the quintuplets which are getting bigger now.  They are still so adorable though. I am going to start washing and folding them and sorting them into boy and girls and sizes. 

My BF has also started organising my baby shower.  Its going to be the 17th July.  She is heading to Canada the following weekend and gets back mid August so I think if we waited until she got back it would be too late.  I don't see me popping early but you can never be sure.  So I will be 32weeks then so I think thats good timing.  

hmm what else, oh yeah I finally got cupboards for my laundry.  Its something that has always bothered me. My laundry has never been efficient. I finally found some cupboards when I went looking for my nursery one yesterday.  DH will put them in tomorrow.  I am so excited!!!!  I have been in this house for nearly 4 years and its always something that has gotten on my nerves.  They are off white which was a bit crap as I like bright white. Its a cleaner colour to me, but honestly they are cupboards.  I needed it sorted for bubs as I am using MCN's.  Must have an efficient nursery for MCN's. 

I also got a bassinet. Its pink at the moment so I might have to get DH's mum to do some sewing if its a little boy. 

I think we are getting closer to our top names list.  Its so hard to choose a name.  Especially when you don't know the sex.  I want about 6 names each way. We are OK on boys names but girls names are so much harder. We will get there. 

Well probably enough rambling for one day. Here are some pics. 

belly shot

well it still doesn't look like I have changed much but I can see a difference. :) To me its sticking out more, I should start measuring circumference, not sure I want to go to that much effort though! Oh and excuse the pink poka dot undies lol I didn't realise they were sticking out!

24weeks YAY!!!!

So I have finally made it to the elusive 24week mark! YAY very exciting! Peanut has had a very active day which is very reassuring of course. :) I know we are by no means safe, but passing every milestone is such an important step.  16weeks to go! I am starting to get excited. It still does feel like ages but I know it will be here in no time.

I have tried to up the anti on getting more prepared! I really do need to make a list of the stuff I need to do! I went shopping today to see if I could get some curtains, blinds and a rug.  Apparently deep green isn't in fashion this year! GRRR! So I am going to have to see what I can find online.  I was going to take a photo of the nursery and post it but DH has the camera out with him fishing so it will have to wait!

I also took a 24week belly shot but thats on the camera!  Well I am off to do some online shopping! :)

Time stopped?

Lately I really feel as though time has just stopped.  It could be the extreme exhaustion taking over here but it does feel like its taking longer to get through the weeks.  I am 24weeks tomorrow and that is SO exciting but it feels like I had my 20week scan so much longer ago.  It also doesn't help that my belly hasn't really grown any since about 16weeks. Peanut keeps going through quiet stages, I just want it to kick big and huge all the time. I just worry that its not growing at the speed it should.  OB appointment on the 1st will get to see peanut again then!

i am going to go back to bed for a bit. Bugger it its the weekend and I am still so tired. Being this tired just makes me emotional and worry about peanut even more!

Exhaustion

OMG I am SO TIRED!! :( 10hour days + 2 hours travel is killing me. I have been tried before but this is to a whole new level.  I feel physically sick. Every part of my body just wants to collapse :( Yet I have no choice but to keep going.  My manager is going on 4 weeks leave on Friday so I have to I am up to speed on everything she needs me to cover in her absence. It also means the extra hours wont stop for at least another 4 weeks as I have to step up  to acting manager.

The good news is it looks like I will definitely be getting maternity leave. There may also be a possibility that instead of the 14weeks I thought, it might be 26weeks at full pay! That would be unbelievable! Currently although I working within the university we aren't employed by them.  We are currently undergoing employment negotiations and should have our new contracts signed by the end of the week. I was worried because I wouldn't have been on the uni's books for 12months and therefore I wouldn't get maternity leave at all.  But looks like they have to honor the fair work trade act or something and because I have been with this company nearly 4 years they have to pay out my leave.  The university also has a kind of trade work act internally and they can't give us less entitlements than what is stipulated in that.  If that is the case then its 26weeks at full pay! At this point I am going on the 14weeks, better to be happily surprised than disappointed. Either way I am just relieved that I will be getting some kind of maternity leave.

Its what is helping me get through the days. 12weeks to go.

Peanut is going well.  Had a few crazy movement days and a few quiet ones to follow.  Think its back to its craziness now though.

Oh DH finished the cupboard in the nursery yesterday! YAY looks fantastic. Have to get some pics up when i put the furniture back in.

Well best get back to work or I will be here until 5 again. (I start at 7am)

23weeks

Only 1 more week till that elusive 24 week mark! I know its only a 50% chance of survival if peanut is born that early with a high chance of mental problems but at least if it was born it would have a fighting chance!

Honestly though I think peanut is in there to cook a fair bit longer! Everything has been going great pregnancy wise. I got worried this morning, seriously it doesn't take much! but peanut normally wakes up with me and has a bit of a play and I lie there and watch and feel it kick and move.  Nothing this morning, the same with last night actually, when I get up to pee (which has dropped to 2 or 3 times a night) I normal feel it kicking whilst falling back to sleep, it eases me and makes me fall to sleep knowing everything is OK.  When I can't feel it move it takes me ages to drop off to sleep, hoping that everything is OK.  Anyway I figured it was just having a quiet time but started to worry none the less.  So I got out the doppler. Well Peanut officially doesn't like it at all. At first I got a little warning kick, which was good I was like OK peanut is fine, but I thought I would just check to make sure the heart rate was strong and in range, well 2 seconds later I got the get that thing away from me kick.  It was massive, I saw it come right out and wow was it hard.  It just kicked the probe away. lol I stopped after that I got the message.  Its always a big relief to know all is OK.

So still having the same little issues as the last post.  The bleeding has basically stopped, I have really upped the fiber and water so thats fixing that.  The belly ring infection is pretty much all cleared up too.  The only other problem I have been having is with heart pulpitations.  They get really bad, I get dizzy, feel sick,  start to feel tight in the chest. Horrible feeling.  I emailed my OB he said its common but keep an eye on it.  I got DH to buy me a blood pressure monitor the other day, as there is preeclampsia in the family and I am worried about high blood pressure.  But its actually low.  Which is normal for this time in the pregnancy. 119/58 this morning! I am normally completely text book, 120/80. its good to have the monitor though so I can keep an eye on it as I get closer to the end when blood pressure problems seem to pop up.

Other than that DH is finally getting around to putting in the new cupboard in the nursery today.  I wanted sliding doors put on and to get rid of this stupid void in the middle of the doors.  So once that is done I can paint around the edges and start finishing things off.  I haven't really bought anything else, I got a Baby bjorn off ebay last week for $30, its in great condition. I need to get a chest of drawers for under the window.  I don't believe in paying full price for most things so I have been trying to find one 2nd hand.  Not having much luck! But there is still time so I am sure the perfect one will come up.  Once I have done some more I will put some pics up.  I love seeing nursery pics.

I think thats enough rambling for one day. At least peanut has decided to wake up for the day and has started playing a game of footy.  I definitely love the feeling.