Whirl wind of a mental roller coaster

So I haven't written in here in ages and don't get me wrong my family is very busy and settling into a routine. Little zach is nearly 15weeks old. He is a happy contented baby. B and I went through some issues again but it seems to revolve around when a new baby arrives. He has never been one to cope with stress of any kind. Now zach is older he is coping much better. 

With all this being said I know there is Another baby in my future. This is where the mental mushy brain comes in. I'm all over the place. I'm happy focusing on the gym and losing weight and toning up at the moment. I have some career plans I would like to achieve but at the same time every new pregnancy I hear about i wish it was me. Thing is I spoke to B finally about my longing for a girl. After a very long discussion he actually agreed to IVF/PGD to guarantee a girl. Problem is I did my research and crunched the numbers there is absolutely no way we could afford it in the next 5 years. That makes the gap way too big especially having the first 3 close but also means I will be 37 before we could do it. Whoa no thanks. 

It's between $15-18k. My idea was save a house deposit then borrow a little extra on the house loan for the car and the baby. Unless the nhmrc change the law in the current review or simply won't be possible. 

Thing about that is they don't allow gender selection here in Australia even for family balancing because they say it's unethical and immoral. With this new blood test u can get done at 10weeks (~$1000) u can find out with 99% accuracy the baby's gender. I've been following some forums and couples are aborting the baby if it's not the desired gender as abortion in Australia is legal before 20weeks or what ever it is! How is that more ethical or moral than choosing a baby that's wanted. It's a lot cheaper to have abortion after abortion than go overseas to gender select. Btw I could and Would never abort a baby. 

Anyway that is off topic. 

I was thinking sometimes toward the end of next year start trying. That way bub is a few months old when Tyler starts school making the school runs a bit easier. 

Here comes the hard part. The gender sway! B has agreed to give it all but what is that? Diet, timing, supplements etc? Or the really extreme methods I've read about involving egg white and centrifuges? I know it's ages away but it's on my mind always. I want to be done. I want to shut up shop. Have my body back for good. Waiting until end next year means 3 more years until I'm finished. I will be 35! Agh I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I'm working is hard to get my baby weight off that being pregnant again means more steps back. 

But then comes the mental battle that if we try so hard for a girl and it's a boy! Then what? Of course I would love him like the 3 I already have they are my world but it means I still don't have that girl I really long for :(