angry and sad

I often wonder how you can be so very wrong about a person but time after time people seem to shine bright with their best! NOT!

So here I was thinking B had finally started to turn around. He said he wanted to go get help, proper help, but he hasn't, he finally got some money in for some work he has done and when ever I have contact with him he is listening to horse racing so my guess is he is gambling still.

honestly I couldn't give a rats about what he does in his life what makes me super angry is he makes absolutely no attempt to be a better person for his son, he still wants to visit him and have play time but takes no responsibility in being an actual parent, he gets sick of him in a few hours and rings me to pick him up.

I want to put in proper visitation rights so something can be set out in terms of ensuring Tyler is properly looked after in terms of naps, feeding, clothes etc when he is at B's place. In order to do that I need to put in a plan that covers things like holidays, sleep overs etc. WTF  why should I have to go with out my son because he father couldn't be bothered to get off his arse and go to work and actually provide for him? I am bending over backward to ensure that B has visitation rights while he sits back and does didly squat. I am getting so angry at this.  I know he is still smoking pot. I still don't trust him at all to look after him properly yet I am trying to do the right and mature thing and let Tyler see his dad.  I know he listens to horse racing while Tyler is there and I would really prefer he not gamble in front of our son. I also can't be garanteed that he isn't stoned whilst Tyler is in his care. BUT apparently I have absolutely no rights in ensuring this isn't happening. Its unsafe for my son yet somehow the law says B should have visiting rights.

Angry doesn't actually even cover it. I am so very disappointed in this man. I married him and had a child to him thinking he was a different man. I feel so lost right now and I have no idea what to do. I want to take him to court and fight him over this and ensure that if he does get visitations that he has regular drug testing, that he doesn't gamble around him, that he actually feeds him and puts him down for naps when he is tired but of course I have no rights as a mum to ensure this. I also don't have the money to even try.

damn now I can't stop crying. F**K him!